If I had to name my mood right now it would be amazement!

I am just awestruck by the way things have turned out. I pinch myself sometimes to see if I am really awake. How well I know that life has it's peaks and valleys..road blocks, catastrophes and just plain hard times. But for this moment I am in a place that existed only in my dreams.

I started my new job this week and I am extremely pleased. It is a totally different type of nursing than I have previously experienced. It is simple yet satisfying to my spirit and my financial needs. The work itself is mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. And challenging is the key word.

It is not hopelessly overwhelming with grueling hours spent trying to give good care to so many at a time. I don't leave my job with that horrid feeling that I was not able to take care of every one of my patients in the way they deserved.

My hours are from 9am to 2pm three days a week for now. But I will be working more hours starting this next week. No weekends, holidays or days when the snow is a foot deep. Unless there is an emergency necessity for it. And for my patient I would gladly do whatever needs to be done.

My patient is a woman just a few years older than me. She has a chronic debilitating disease process going on that has left her unable to walk. Her husband is her primary caregiver and how they found me is another story in of itself. Suffice to say they prayed for someone to help them so she could remain at home with her husband and I prayed for just the right nursing job for me.

I have no idea how long this will last but while there I will be able to utilize my knowledge, compassion and empathy for this particular situation. Caregiver's support is a big issue in my heart. I believe it will allow me to approach this job with great sensitivity. This is my niche.

I was off today and my daughter and I went into town to run errands. For some reason I am very tired today. Physically drained. I am just taking it easy this evening. I am going to listen in on a webcast on healing from Divine Mother online.

I have a lot more to say but just don't know how to put it into words. If I had to choose one word it would be Gratitude!

Acceptance

I have spent years of contemplating how to get through life in the best way. How to alleviate the pain I felt so many times. How to process the frustration, helplessness, sorrow and fear that overtakes me and I think all humans at time or another.

My "Inner Guidance" came through with some wisdom to guide me. I wish to share this. And remember this is my truth. I would not ever claim that this is universal or pertinent to everyone but there may be something usable here for someone who is struggling with pain in their life. I have been mindfully practicing this for over a year now and what a difference it has made!

Here goes:

Acceptance entails: Center, Balance, Focus, Responsibility, Mindfulness and Gratitude.

To Center is to be where I am at any given moment. Not thinking about or nursing old wounds of the past or anticipating new ones. Not to muse on frustrations, hurt feelings or obstacles. Not to think of anything that stirs up anger connected with old buried emotions.

To Center is to Be where I am in the NOW.

To achieve this I use a method that was introduced by Pema Chodron in her book, "When Things Fall Apart". To frequently take three deep breaths and look around. This jolts me out of self pity and self revelry enough to kindly remind myself these are just thoughts and to take a look where I am right now, physically.


To Balance, I place my awareness into the moment I am in.


Then to gather my Focused attention to that place where I am at this moment. To focus on what I am doing at this exact moment. Not to look around for signs of more slights and frustrations that will break my attention on the Now or cause my egoistic emotions to rise up again. At least for a few minutes. This allows me a respite from the constant churning of my emotions. I truly see where I am in that moment.

And in those moments I can see that "Acceptance" does not require anger to motivate me in life.

Center, Balance and Focus does not require my ego. And when I do these things I am truly in a "State of Acceptance" While I am in this place I am able to release the bottled up and repressed hurts, frustrations and other baggage without feeding it or making it larger than it already is.

Just for a few moments even seconds of letting it go on a wave of energy to be recycled like a strange type of dialysis of the energy. It not only gives me a sense of relief and release but it cleanses my aura and energy body.


The human condition has imposed an interesting pseudo-balance into the mix. To be "right" or "wrong". To be the "right one" or the "wronged one" or both. My Inner Guidance wants me to just BE. To Be in a way that flows like water through this life as well as the illusions and obstacles life in the human condition presents.

When I am in a state of Acceptance, I do not add to the garbage buried inside me. I am blooming where I am. I am not looking at the "what ifs" or "I can'ts". I am moving along in my own way without disturbing my aura and my energy centers with more baggage. When the opportunity arrives that proves to be my purpose for this lifespan, I will be open to it.

In Acceptance I can be what I am inside and out without comparing myself to anyone else. My ego is not required so it does not matter what anyone else is doing. My focus is on my progress, which is where I am in the Now.

In Acceptance I can be more loving with myself and therefore more compassionate with others; instead of being self righteousness, rigid and bitter. How can I be an embodiment of compassionate action if I am an embittered venomous person frustrated with life?

So when I notice these feelings rising up, I will stop and take deep breaths. Remind myself to see where I am in the Now. To Center, Balance and Focus. I will let the egoistically stirred garbage move out of me. Even if I am only able to sustain this state for a few minutes or seconds. Even that little bit helps me to prevent further perpetuation and growth of the toxic garbage inside me.

I will myself to be less rigid and less self righteous. My body is stiffened because of my stubborn refusal to go with the flow of my life and to hang on to every slight, real or perceived. I will myself to bend and squat, turn and twist like a strong tree in the wind.

I will not wallow in self pity. I recognize the conflict is within and I am my worst enemy. I call a truce and I will now live through the beauty that is me, inside and out.

I remind myself of the mechanism of emotional control, which is NOT repression. A stimulus occurs and it is then perceived, interpreted, responded to and reacted to. I will be mindful in Acceptance to not indulge in illusions of perception. But to see a thing for what it is. If it rains it is not to ruin my plans for the day, it rains because the land needs water.

I am Responsible for every step of my life. I am Responsible for every thought and every decision, big and small, minute by minute. My life is created and shaped by this. I want to be Mindful of this at all times. To be aware of mySelf and myself.

And most importantly of all, I will express Gratitude for all the blessings in my life.