Strange Dreams and Stranger Ideas

I woke up this morning carrying the residual sensation of strange dreams my conscious mind cannot recall. I felt a sense of excitement for something I cannot name. I am moving a bit slow today and observing the things that are going through my mind.

I feel my "Guides" very close today. I decided to surrender to this feeling. I don't understand what is happening but I "know" I need to be still and lean into it.

I woke up this morning hearing this song in my head. I've listened to it so many times I should not be surprised. But today it gives me a deep feeling of comfort. Something is going to happen today..I just don't know what.




Meanwhile the search for Mullein and Burdock continue. And I continue to search for the identity of this plant. There is so much in my mountain hollow and I think it is beautiful. I have looked and looked and cannot find what it is. Most people here just call it a weed. I have placed a picture of it on the Wise Woman's Forum. I hope someone can tell me what it is.

Groundless

I woke up in a panic this morning. I didn't have an agenda. I didn't plan my whole day out to the minute like I have been. I had a suggestion/request from my partner to run an errand which I will do. But that's as far as I have planned.

I feel like I am in the deep end of the swimming pool and momentarily forgot how to swim and can't feel the bottom of the pool under my feet. I am groundless.

I have felt like this many times before but I quickly forced an agenda..to avoid the discomfort of feeling groundless. I am no longer doing that. Solid ground under my feet is an illusion. my authenticity is about what I do when I feel groundless. What do I do? I move along. I recognize now that feeling groundless is a form of fear.

I take three deep breaths; mindfully balancing, centering and focusing. I take a look around me and see where I am in the NOW. I circulate my aura and connect with my "Inner Guidance", my "Power Animal" and initiate Reiki.
Then I notice, feeling nothing solid under my feet, causes me to live from minute to minute, step by step, open to everything. Scary stuff but pretty awesome.


I am back and I have more to say about feeling "groundless". My mindful decision to move along without the solid ground of direction worked out in the strangest way. I have been searching for Reiki groups and Reiki shares since I moved here. I went to the Health Food Store (which took me weeks to find but finally I found it a couple of weeks ago..yay)

I bought some b-day present for the sister who is turning 50 something on Friday and who will be coming to see me. I browsed through the little bulletin board and couldn't find any listings for Reiki shares. The girl working there asked me what I was looking for...and I told her.

She said," Do you do Reiki?" I said, "oh yes". She beamed and told me in June she is planning to have a mini festival in the parking lot with massage therapist, yoga instructors and she would love it if I would come and do Reiki because so few people do it in this area. So she took my name and number and asked me to get on Vista and have some business cards done and bring some in.

Ok...I am doing that. Awesome. I was thinking if I found enough people interested in learning Reiki, I have enough room here I could handle 5 people or so at a time. But that is for another day to think over. Today I went, got my elderberry tea and b-day presents...And I came home and ordered my business cards.

All because I "leaned in" to my feeling of groundlessness. Awesome!

Retrieving Parts of Myself

I am studying and practicing Shamanism. It kind of goes along with my Meditation practices so it works for me. Finding and working with my Power Animal has been a great..wait..more than a great experience. I can't really put how I feel about this into words. Except maybe Magickal comes to mind.

The Soul Retrieval part..took me aback a bit. I am a firm believer that my soul is always intact. However, I will admit that along the way of this particular lifespan..I believe I have lost a few bits of me here and there along the way.

I think it was the word, "soul," that got me. Ok, fair enough. Labels are a part of the human condition. I am wise enough to know that when we label something it takes on a subjective life of its own. I won't go there now. I didn't when I decided to do the "soul retrieval" with my own labeling. Finding bits and parts of me.

It is interesting that when I began..I found myself reliving the time when my sister became ill. She was 7 and I was 10. She began throwing up, stumbling, screaming with head pain. Back in the 60's they did not have the diagnostic tools they have now..but what they had..was used on my sister. Nothing was spared.

After months of this..the night before her 8th birthday and when she was almost spent. They finally diagnosed her with a large brain tumor. And did surgery immediately. She was actually too weak and physically debilitated at this time but they, the doctors and my parents, had no choice. It was possible death if they removed it..eminent death if they did not.

I won't go into the details. I will just say it was a time that changed the course of all of our lives.
Nothing was ever the same again. My sister did survive with severe brain damage. My mom, my dad and I brought her home and taught her to walk, talk, eat and go to the bathroom all over again. I shoved so much of this down I cannot believe how painful this was. The years following were extremely difficult. But I survived it. While doing the "parts retrieval" and reliving this with my Power Animal I found a part of me that went by the wayside. I really didn't know what to do except to reassure this part of me that I was ok now..we were ok. and to urge her to come along and merge once again with the totality. It feels different..I feel different so I think it happened.

The next part of me I find is part of me a few years later. My poor parents were overrun and overwhelmed. My dad had just been diagnosed with Hodgkin;s Disease. My sister was stronger but still extremely debilitated physically, emotionally and mentally. She needed a lot of care. My father was valiantly working two jobs and my mother struggling to keep things going with my help. At that age..lacking the maturity to see past my own discomfort I was overwhelmed with pain for them, fear and a feeling of displacement in the family. I was 15..and felt that nothing I could do would ever cause them to pay attention to me over and beyond what I needed to do to keep my sister going.

OH can I see and understand this now. But then I couldn't. I found another piece of me that felt like nothing I ever did mattered to anyone. That I was invisible and scared all the time. I, once again, without words..attempted to reassure this part of me..that we were ok..we made it though this. And urged this part of me to come along. Again I felt a difference.

My Inner Guidance urged me to stop there. Even though I had a feeling there were way more pieces of me laying around in my life.


In retrospect, I am amazed that I am standing here now at my age..so very pleased and happy with myself. So grateful for all of my blessings. Wow. And also in retrospect I now believe that the part of me that kept me going no matter what was the part of me that was so unsettling to everyone else around me., including my family. Well except for my paternal grandparents. They were the ones that made me see that some people have abilities that go beyond the normal scheme of human sight and awareness. I was able to accept this because they were so accepting of it.

My psychic ability, the things I saw and heard that weren't of this world, while unsettling to me were actually giving me support to get through the pain. I am so grateful. To my Guidance and my Grandparents. These things were the basis of my spirituality and survival. Wow, I never really saw this in quite this way. I knew I suppose somewhere..but never acknowledged it in words before.