The Value of Sounds and How sound affects me now

For some reason the last few weeks I have become more aware of how sound affects me. I can't explain it well. I just know that I have immersed myself in listening to different sounds. I have such a wealth of opportunity for sound sampling on the net.

I have literally bombarded my Facebook with Youtube clips of sound. And I put a few on here that I was drawn to the most. It's almost like I am trying to find a sound that is similar to the ones I hear somewhere inside of me, around me when I am in a deep meditation.

First I hear air rushing around me. Then it turns into a buzzing ..like cicadas or bees. I was pretty familiar with that for years. Now it moves from the buzzing to a sort of sound pulsation. And if I stay in the state any longer the pulsations run together and it sounds like music. I can feel the pulsations in all the chakras and it swirls the energy around these energy centers.

A couple of days ago I was outside cleaning up an area near my wee garden. I was so immersed in what I was doing that I started to hear the musical like pulsations. And when I feel/hear this it makes my body feel like it is in a meditative state and energy rushes through me.

Later I told my partner that I thought I heard the trees singing. He made a funny face but was very kind. I mean he didn't call me crazy or anything.

I have always loved music and maybe this is an extension of it? I have no idea but I love the vibration pulsations and the lift of energy throughout my body.

Recharge

I meditated for a long while. It felt so good..like being away and returning home. It didn't immediately fix everything but it helped place things in a perspective I didn't see before.

Meditation to me is like an extended prayer in which more energy than words are used. It's like washing my insides and outsides out on all levels and stabilizing my core. I feel connected and my most authentic self. Because you can't hide what you are when exchanging energy with Higher
Sources/God/Goddess/Creator.

After I meditated; I made dinner while I wait for my partner to finish his sleep before he has to get up and get ready to return to work. Then I grabbed all my crystals from my altar and put them in a green bowl and cleansed them good with Reiki and then recharged them. I put them back and charged the grid. It feels great. Like a battery pulsating. I am listening to Arugama and burning my favorite incense.

At times it appears to me that I am so preoccupied with myself to the point of being self-centered. My "Inner Guidance" continues to help me remember that being occupied and centered in my self is where I need to be. From there I can expand. If I ignore it I get in my own way.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow or an hour for now. But for this moment in the NOW..I feel recharged, balanced and focused.

A Contemplative Day

My life is so much more peaceful right now than I can ever remember. I am filled with Gratitude that I have time and space to move along at my own pace. To take time to contemplate and meditate when I feel the urge.

Oh, and I did find that book again. It was back in the bookshelf. I found it today. Hmmm...I am not even going to think about how or why it showed up. I showed my Significant personage and he laughed when I asked if he put it there. I took that as a yes and began to get wound up about how I searched and searched for it. He swears he did not touch it..he just finds me amusing when I get worked up over things. Well so the mystery remains.

Anyhow that's for another day. As I was saying. I meditated a lot today. I went to Beckley and took my library books back, stopped at the health food store and splurged on my fave elderberry tea which I am pleased to say is available. And I found the incense I like to burn.

As I mentioned before, the love of my life is supporting me financially right now and we are on a tight budget. Like kids starting out instead of middle aged people. ha! It's kind of fun. And we have a beautiful place to live..so much greenness. The mountains are breathtaking. I love them!


I signed up for some free water aerobics and free yoga. Wow...because I am over 50! Again, I thank God, Goddess, Creator for these blessings. I still haven't found a Reiki share group. But I will. And anyway I give Reiki all day long. I am really looking forward to when I am guided to Teach it.

I finally got my WV nursing license in the mail today. With a notice that it must be renewed immediately. What? I just got it. Oh well..I went ahead..got online and renewed it. Acceptance and all of that.

I am pleased with the life we are making here. It's still all new and different ..unsettling and sometimes anxiety producing but I am where I am supposed to be. I don't know what for but I am here. I am living and moving under Guidance. However, that does not mean that I don't have those days, moments and minutes when I get anxious, impatient, fearful and bitchy.

I purposely and mindfully made the decision when I was in my 40's to make friends and embrace my "dark side". To stop shoving her away but to allow her to work with my whole being. To utilize the gifts my dark side brings to me. That was a great step for me but there are days when I fall into the old pattern and wham. You know the drill. But I am aware and its ok. I will keep working with and merging with my "dark side". We need each other.

One thing I do know is the atmosphere of the "Inner Planes" is heightened. I am receiving large influxes of energy when I meditate. I don't know what it means. But I am remaining mindful.
On the other hand in the physical realm I find the energies fluctuating more than usual. With an undertone of electrical heaviness that is more pronounced than before.

I wanted to sit down for a few minutes and just quietly go over the tarot cards. I don't generally do readings anymore at least for myself. I sometimes just lay cards down that I feel I need to and gaze at them. They have a language all of their own and the pictures tell me stories..Not necessarily what the books say. (I haven't been able to use tarot books for a few years to interpret the cards) The words come one at a time in my head..sometimes not words but flashes of scenes like a movie trailer. But today it was a no go. More and more my "Inner Guidance" is moving me away from using the cards. "They" seem to be urging me to develop a stronger inner discernment or something. I don't understand. I have faith that deep down I know but consciously I don't understand.

It always brings me back to something my "Guides" told me years ago. About the importance of: Do without doing, knowing without understanding why. I used to be so perplexed over this but I am starting to get it a little.

Contemplation for another day.

Am I Crazy or Did Something Paranormally Strange Occurr

Well last night I received a kind of message from the Universe that I needed to pay attention to my own metaphysical and spiritual business and stop peeking at others. Ok, I can see that. And, by the way, my computer is working just fine...as long as I don't attempt to find that certain blog.

What comes over me sometimes? I think I may have been kind of obsessed with it. I believe it's because I miss my network of close friends who are spiritually and paranormally inclined. I don't know that many people in this area and I just became fascinated by reading about someone within 40 miles of me. Someone who is experiencing many of the same life challenges that I have experienced or am presently working through. And honestly I could just be plain old nosy.

I am not sure what the climate here is for "alternative spirituality". There aren't any "New Age" (for the lack of a more appropriate term but you get the gist) Stores here or health food stores..Wait, there is one in Beckley...I can get my elderberry tea there. But there are no Reiki Groups that are visible on the internet for this area. That doesn't mean they don't exist it means I don't know anyone who knows the "Alternative Healing" network here.

Ok, I digress...my point to all of this is..last night after the debacle with my computer..(gah, what a mess!) I meditated for a while and then I got a real urge to read. I had already read all my library books except for one and that wasn't what I needed to read.

So I go into the spare bedroom, turn on the light and look at the bookshelf in there. I reach down and pull out a book I have never seen before. A large blue paperback book. About Mer-Ka-Ba.

A book by a guy named Drunvalo Melchizedek. It was a brand new book but had been published in 1999.

Now, the strange thing about this is I never owned a book like this. And I would know because when I moved from Virginia to West Virginia I went through every one of my books. Many I gave away and sold. Only enough for two small bookshelves were kept. I had enough to fill three large ones before. I know I never owned this book and if I had found it, excellent as it might be, I would not have kept it. It's just not my kind of thing.

Well, I took the book to bed and sat up reading it. It was very interesting. I wasn't able to read it in depth, I figured to get an overview and read it today. I saw some interesting symbols that resonated with me, a lot. And some chapters about prana and energy flow through the body.

It was fascinating. I pored over some of the drawings of sacred geometry and I did feel some stirring.

After reading this for an hour I got really sleepy and I put the book down beside me on my partner's side. (He was at work) I meditated myself into sleep and woke up when he got home.

I cuddled with him for a while until he fell asleep and I got up. The urge for coffee moving me into action. I decided to read the book some more and went to look for it. It is gone. I can't find it anywhere. I looked under the bed, behind the heavy headboard, behind the night tables and under my sleeping love. It's gone.

The only book I found was "Love in the Palm of Your Hand," another excellent book by Ghanshyam Singh Birla. I know I owned this one and kept it because I met the author and he signed it for me. This book has an awesome slant on using the lines in the hand for self knowledge but that's another day..another post.

I can't find the book. It's like it doesn't exist. I have looked over every inch of my bedroom, dressing room and even branched out into the other parts of the house. On the outside chance I went for a stroll in my sleep. (I never sleep walk)

In the state of Acceptance I now accept it. I don't know how it got here and I don't know where it went. I do remember the things I saw and read. I remembered the guy's name so I could look it up and sure enough there are lots of books by him and extensive workshops and training. I looked it over and the feeling wasn't there. I was just supposed to read a bit of what he wrote. I did. Now what?

It will unfold in it's own cycle. It always does. I will definitely write about it when it comes to me.

Oh by the way, Blessed Beltane, Mayday, Roodmas!

Retrieving Parts of Myself

I am studying and practicing Shamanism. It kind of goes along with my Meditation practices so it works for me. Finding and working with my Power Animal has been a great..wait..more than a great experience. I can't really put how I feel about this into words. Except maybe Magickal comes to mind.

The Soul Retrieval part..took me aback a bit. I am a firm believer that my soul is always intact. However, I will admit that along the way of this particular lifespan..I believe I have lost a few bits of me here and there along the way.

I think it was the word, "soul," that got me. Ok, fair enough. Labels are a part of the human condition. I am wise enough to know that when we label something it takes on a subjective life of its own. I won't go there now. I didn't when I decided to do the "soul retrieval" with my own labeling. Finding bits and parts of me.

It is interesting that when I began..I found myself reliving the time when my sister became ill. She was 7 and I was 10. She began throwing up, stumbling, screaming with head pain. Back in the 60's they did not have the diagnostic tools they have now..but what they had..was used on my sister. Nothing was spared.

After months of this..the night before her 8th birthday and when she was almost spent. They finally diagnosed her with a large brain tumor. And did surgery immediately. She was actually too weak and physically debilitated at this time but they, the doctors and my parents, had no choice. It was possible death if they removed it..eminent death if they did not.

I won't go into the details. I will just say it was a time that changed the course of all of our lives.
Nothing was ever the same again. My sister did survive with severe brain damage. My mom, my dad and I brought her home and taught her to walk, talk, eat and go to the bathroom all over again. I shoved so much of this down I cannot believe how painful this was. The years following were extremely difficult. But I survived it. While doing the "parts retrieval" and reliving this with my Power Animal I found a part of me that went by the wayside. I really didn't know what to do except to reassure this part of me that I was ok now..we were ok. and to urge her to come along and merge once again with the totality. It feels different..I feel different so I think it happened.

The next part of me I find is part of me a few years later. My poor parents were overrun and overwhelmed. My dad had just been diagnosed with Hodgkin;s Disease. My sister was stronger but still extremely debilitated physically, emotionally and mentally. She needed a lot of care. My father was valiantly working two jobs and my mother struggling to keep things going with my help. At that age..lacking the maturity to see past my own discomfort I was overwhelmed with pain for them, fear and a feeling of displacement in the family. I was 15..and felt that nothing I could do would ever cause them to pay attention to me over and beyond what I needed to do to keep my sister going.

OH can I see and understand this now. But then I couldn't. I found another piece of me that felt like nothing I ever did mattered to anyone. That I was invisible and scared all the time. I, once again, without words..attempted to reassure this part of me..that we were ok..we made it though this. And urged this part of me to come along. Again I felt a difference.

My Inner Guidance urged me to stop there. Even though I had a feeling there were way more pieces of me laying around in my life.


In retrospect, I am amazed that I am standing here now at my age..so very pleased and happy with myself. So grateful for all of my blessings. Wow. And also in retrospect I now believe that the part of me that kept me going no matter what was the part of me that was so unsettling to everyone else around me., including my family. Well except for my paternal grandparents. They were the ones that made me see that some people have abilities that go beyond the normal scheme of human sight and awareness. I was able to accept this because they were so accepting of it.

My psychic ability, the things I saw and heard that weren't of this world, while unsettling to me were actually giving me support to get through the pain. I am so grateful. To my Guidance and my Grandparents. These things were the basis of my spirituality and survival. Wow, I never really saw this in quite this way. I knew I suppose somewhere..but never acknowledged it in words before.

Just because I am having a little setback doesn't mean I am not healing.

The Healing and Strengthening process is an ongoing thing. It is not about doing really hard work diligently for a few weeks and waking up one morning with everything in place. No No..it is about living mindfully and recognizing patterns..recognizing troubling areas that rise up.

I had one today. I felt some frustration and resentment to someone very dear to me. I began the process of working myself up to a righteous indignation ..and at the nick of time..I quickly pulled myself back out of the self pity revelry that starts the pattern to a new level of emotional storms. Reminded myself quickly, Acceptance! Breath! Where are we right now?

I breathed and gently and strongly urged myself to pull my focus where I was at that moment. To recognize in a kindly manner to myself that whatever was triggering my emotions was more to do with repressed pain and myself than my partner. I allowed myself to feel the place inside me that was hurting. I assessed the uncomfortable feeling and observed it. And then I stayed with it while giving myself Reiki.

What I was left with was ..a place in me that was hurting..that was my focus..I didn't try to fix it just assist myself with Reiki while it unfolded. Acceptance. The anger and resentment went by the wayside. I can't believe I didn't act out. I am so glad I didn't. Because it was about a place in me that is hurting..it was hidden until triggered by a response detected in me. Through Acceptance ..I was able to recognize this and be supportive of myself. Yay!

Acceptance

I have spent years of contemplating how to get through life in the best way. How to alleviate the pain I felt so many times. How to process the frustration, helplessness, sorrow and fear that overtakes me and I think all humans at time or another.

My "Inner Guidance" came through with some wisdom to guide me. I wish to share this. And remember this is my truth. I would not ever claim that this is universal or pertinent to everyone but there may be something usable here for someone who is struggling with pain in their life. I have been mindfully practicing this for over a year now and what a difference it has made!

Here goes:

Acceptance entails: Center, Balance, Focus, Responsibility, Mindfulness and Gratitude.

To Center is to be where I am at any given moment. Not thinking about or nursing old wounds of the past or anticipating new ones. Not to muse on frustrations, hurt feelings or obstacles. Not to think of anything that stirs up anger connected with old buried emotions.

To Center is to Be where I am in the NOW.

To achieve this I use a method that was introduced by Pema Chodron in her book, "When Things Fall Apart". To frequently take three deep breaths and look around. This jolts me out of self pity and self revelry enough to kindly remind myself these are just thoughts and to take a look where I am right now, physically.


To Balance, I place my awareness into the moment I am in.


Then to gather my Focused attention to that place where I am at this moment. To focus on what I am doing at this exact moment. Not to look around for signs of more slights and frustrations that will break my attention on the Now or cause my egoistic emotions to rise up again. At least for a few minutes. This allows me a respite from the constant churning of my emotions. I truly see where I am in that moment.

And in those moments I can see that "Acceptance" does not require anger to motivate me in life.

Center, Balance and Focus does not require my ego. And when I do these things I am truly in a "State of Acceptance" While I am in this place I am able to release the bottled up and repressed hurts, frustrations and other baggage without feeding it or making it larger than it already is.

Just for a few moments even seconds of letting it go on a wave of energy to be recycled like a strange type of dialysis of the energy. It not only gives me a sense of relief and release but it cleanses my aura and energy body.


The human condition has imposed an interesting pseudo-balance into the mix. To be "right" or "wrong". To be the "right one" or the "wronged one" or both. My Inner Guidance wants me to just BE. To Be in a way that flows like water through this life as well as the illusions and obstacles life in the human condition presents.

When I am in a state of Acceptance, I do not add to the garbage buried inside me. I am blooming where I am. I am not looking at the "what ifs" or "I can'ts". I am moving along in my own way without disturbing my aura and my energy centers with more baggage. When the opportunity arrives that proves to be my purpose for this lifespan, I will be open to it.

In Acceptance I can be what I am inside and out without comparing myself to anyone else. My ego is not required so it does not matter what anyone else is doing. My focus is on my progress, which is where I am in the Now.

In Acceptance I can be more loving with myself and therefore more compassionate with others; instead of being self righteousness, rigid and bitter. How can I be an embodiment of compassionate action if I am an embittered venomous person frustrated with life?

So when I notice these feelings rising up, I will stop and take deep breaths. Remind myself to see where I am in the Now. To Center, Balance and Focus. I will let the egoistically stirred garbage move out of me. Even if I am only able to sustain this state for a few minutes or seconds. Even that little bit helps me to prevent further perpetuation and growth of the toxic garbage inside me.

I will myself to be less rigid and less self righteous. My body is stiffened because of my stubborn refusal to go with the flow of my life and to hang on to every slight, real or perceived. I will myself to bend and squat, turn and twist like a strong tree in the wind.

I will not wallow in self pity. I recognize the conflict is within and I am my worst enemy. I call a truce and I will now live through the beauty that is me, inside and out.

I remind myself of the mechanism of emotional control, which is NOT repression. A stimulus occurs and it is then perceived, interpreted, responded to and reacted to. I will be mindful in Acceptance to not indulge in illusions of perception. But to see a thing for what it is. If it rains it is not to ruin my plans for the day, it rains because the land needs water.

I am Responsible for every step of my life. I am Responsible for every thought and every decision, big and small, minute by minute. My life is created and shaped by this. I want to be Mindful of this at all times. To be aware of mySelf and myself.

And most importantly of all, I will express Gratitude for all the blessings in my life.