I have come a long way on my journey. But, I have a long way to go still. I wanted to stop for a bit and review how some of the changes I notice in myself have occurred.
As I move along I can really begin to see how less compartmentalized concepts involved with day to day life seem to me now. I am beginning to see my emotional, spiritual and physiological self as more of a whole rather than compartmentalized portions of life. They are beginning to merge and even work better together. It’s not perfect and there are glitches..but there is enough merging that I am beginning to see myself in a different way.
I will review the changes I have noticed in myself. Through Acceptance, Observation and Awareness.
First, I am much calmer inside. The raging tempests are soothed. The ultra self defensiveness, the intense mood swings are less intense, the ability to move out of slumps before I get down in the “depression pit”, my increased patience and compassion for others. And the most important, I am entering into a state of self love and acceptance.
Am not sure what initiated the enhanced changes first. Did my spirituality guide my emotions/ego and physical self to follow? And what was the bridge that began connecting them in my mind.
I am no scientist but I believe; after reading some things about brain and body chemistry, that meditation, practicing the state of acceptance, gratitude and trying to be my own best friend, have created new neuropeptides in my own body chemistry.
It is causing new patterns to emerge. I am noticing that I was once so caught up in my painful emotions I didn’t notice a lot of awesome stuff around me. Now because I consciously practice being in the state of acceptance, my focus is more in the “NOW” and I notice more around me. That in itself created more patterns of feeling and behaviours that our very enhancing to my self and my environment.
I can have days when I don’t feel so good about others or myself. It will trigger things that I have not processed yet. Things that are buried inside me. If I take a moment, realize what is happening..I can change the pattern. For example....My partner will say or do something that triggers something I did not process from the past. I will begin churning it over and over..lost in the flood of painful feelings. I now recognize the pattern and will first begin to pull my attention into the “Now” by stopping the flood of emotion/ego by asking, “where am I, what am I seeing?”
This breaks the pattern long enough for me to begin allowing myself to process the uncomfortable feelings in a more structured way and soothing my ego/emotions by asking them gently to calm down and be quiet. Like I would ask a fretful child or a hysterically emotional friend.
I no longer treat myself like an annoying foe. I no longer resist or fight down the “bad or uncomfortable feelings.
By using deep breathing, attention into the Now..I can process the discomfort without engaging my entire self into it. Observing it, being aware of my discomfort, letting it flow through me..It doesn’t always totally make the discomfort go away but it does not take over my life and send me into a downward spiral any longer.
I give myself Reiki and circulate my aura while I process the discomfort.
Over time this has become a pattern. A healthier one. It takes less and less time to pull myself out of the “wallowing swamp”.
I am not only treating myself like a loved one who is distressed, I am consciously processing emotional discomfort that will not be repressed or buried. It will not be triggered later down the road by some random event, situation or words. This gives my ego less to grasp a hold of to trigger my emotions. The new neuropeptides I am creating in my brain and body chemistry, are too busy triggering things that help me along. Peace, Joy, Compassion, Forgiveness.
The big step was giving up my life in Virginia and basically giving up my career as a nurse. At the least, I gave up the kind of nursing jobs I normally had. Less hours and less responsibility. Now that is a relief to my mind, body and soul..however it has taken a strange turn with my ego/emotions.
I am now struggling with the fact that my egoic identity was so tied up with my nursing persona. My ego craves the validity and legitimacy, imaginary or not, that working the way I did as a nurse gave me. At first I thought it was the loss of the fairly large income I earned and the benefits. But I don’t think so.
I am not a nurse..I am a being who is trained as a nurse with a lot of experience. Being a nurse is not my identity...I didn’t lose anything truly...but it feels like I have. I am trying to use this time to teach my self that I and everyone else are beings. We are not our jobs, careers or lifestyles. I now recognize this as another aspect of “fear based preconditioning”. So much of our lives are shaped by fear..unconscious and conscious. So much of our preconditioning is based on fear. Fear is not a bad thing but I don’t wish it to rule my ego/emotions and life any longer.
This challenge will take time. Like a few others I have that continue to be buried deep inside and are hanging on for dear life while I try and process all the junk I stuffed down in my poor second chakra..which I appear to have used as a storage for unwanted things. But I am cleaning it out little by little. I am beginning to trust my ability to do so. I can not only feel the benefits of clearing out this “junk pile” emotionally but physically as well. I can’t describe it fully. I feel a physical relief in my lower abdomen ..particularly my second chakra and my solar plexus. Also as I lighten the load ..my heart is more open ..my energy flows more smoothly.
There has been an unexpected affect of this clearing out business. I have actually found treasure buried under some of the repressed emotions. I feel stirrings of adventure and creative leanings that I have not felt since I was very young. Is it a coincidence? I don’t think so. But it doesn’t matter..I am so grateful to sense these long forgotten sensations.
Gratitude is another biggy. I am first, grateful to everyone who made this time for me possible. My parents who left me a house and land that has been in my family for generations. My partner who truly desires my presence in our home. He desires it so much that he is willing to work exceedingly long long hours..on a job that most people would find intolerable and very uncomfortable. But he seems to be thriving with it.
He seems to be proud and pleased that he is supporting us financially and most important he is very happy with the things I do at home. That is a blessing because I love to do it all. The inside work, the cooking, laundry, the outside work..(at least what I am capable of) I am beginning to see the many aspects of my creativity. To be honest, I am seeing things in myself and my creativity that I never knew existed in me.
I am grateful for this time to breath, move my body, explore my world. I am grateful for the time and space to recreate my own personal reality.
Am I fixed? No, that is an ongoing work. Am I on the right track for me? Yes, I have faith and trust that I am. I have a lot of things to work on..but it is more like an adventure now.
I am taking a old structure with good bones and potential and inch by inch, room by room, restoring, refurbishing and renewing it inside and out to please me..for my greatest good.
This cannot be rushed. There is not going to be a magical day when I will wake up and I will be totally whole and a creative genius. No, it doesn’t work that way. One step at a time. One choice at a time, second by second, minute by minute..hour by hour, day by day. That is how a life is shaped.
Showing posts with label Metaphysics Meditation Reiki Spiritual guides. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Metaphysics Meditation Reiki Spiritual guides. Show all posts
Friday, January 6, 2012
Saturday, December 3, 2011
My Formula for Emotional Control
Emotional Control
The Human Condition is shaped largely by “feeling” and by the nature of this physical realm; subjectivity rules. True objectivity is not possible. However; by knowing this, we can choose to control our ego/emotional responses. This allows us to view our environment, ourselves and others in a more objective way. Here lies the key to observing the man made illusions of this plane, working them without becoming part of the illusionary patterns. It is the basis of creating better personal realities for ourselves.
From the time I was very young, I was an extremely emotional person with no idea how to process my feelings properly. I either repressed them; pretending not to feel what I felt, or I responded without thinking. Both of these choices proved to be very damaging to my sense of self and my self esteem. My responses engaged my ego to rise up and represent me for so many years. By doing this I shaped a personality facade that was not representative of my total being. Just my emotions and ego.
I was fortunate to have a strong connection to my spirituality. I don’t know why or how but I did. And thankfully my “Inner Guidance” stepped in and helped me to slowly change my emotional response patterns. It took me years to finally “get it” but once I did the results were amazing. And even though I get the idea and know how much better I handle things, it is still hard to break old patterns. But it can be done. The benefits are so worth the effort. I haven’t shared this with many for several reasons. It is one of those things that presents so simply that it appears complicated and difficult to explain in a way that satisfies the minds demand for understanding. As you work with it; if you choose to, you will notice a noticeable transformation in the way you handle difficult situations and how you view the world in general.
My “Guidance” gave me a formula to use as a basis for controlling my emotions.
Stimuli--------->Perception-------->Interpretation--------> Reaction----------->Response--------->Actions
Stimuli
The first one is obvious. It is merely what the environment is for that moment, hour, day, etc...It can be anything. Everything in this physical plane can be stimuli. Our minds register millions of pieces of data that is stimuli all the time. And it is processed unconsciously every second.
Consciously working this formula is helpful when you are aware of discomfort inside.
Anything that triggers fear, anger, hurt feelings, guilt etc..is the time to consciously utilize the formula. For example, someone says something to you that rubs you the wrong way. That is the time to stop and work the formula. Stimuli is a fairly objective form at this stage.
One other thing about stimuli. It is not always the reason for the emotions to engage..sometimes stimuli is merely a trigger. Triggering something that was repressed and long buried inside us. Sometimes the actual stimuli has nothing to do with what we are feeling about it..it is just the trigger and nothing more.
Perception
How the stimuli is first processed. The first response to the stimuli is how you sense it. Where do you sense it. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you sense it? This is where the stimuli changes shapes and becomes subjective. For example, you wake up and the day is rainy. You can perceive the stimuli as either just rain or a sense of forboding, a sense of anticipation.
Interpretation
This is where it starts to get tricky. What are you interpreting from your perception of the stimuli. Example, it is raining..your perception is irritable when you note it is raining; your interpretation is the weather is going to ruin your whole day.
It is the place where you really begin to internalize and process with your emotions how you perceived the stimuli. This is where you start feeling it in your solar plexus. The beginnings of angst. You have interpreted the weather, the remark, the way your hair looks, the way your house looks not in a good way and the solar plexus begins to churn.
Reaction
At this point the “feelings” engage. The process is felt in the solar plexus and the second chakra
A Word on Emotional Repression
Repressed emotions are generally stored in the second chakra for women. Repressed emotions are things that were upsetting, devastating or traumatic to us that we did not process. It is a mistaken belief that if we ignore or shut out hurtful or unpleasant feelings that they have gone away. This is a pseudo attempt at emotional control and it doesn’t work.
The feelings we repress are pushed down into the second chakra. It’s like shoving things we don’t know what to do with in a damp basement. The things we put there change shape. They swell up from the damp environment, growing mold and fungi until they are no longer recognizable.
Just because we shoved them in the basement and forgotten them doesn’t mean they went away. They merely took on a life on their own, fed by more and more things shoved down there.
They take up space that we could use more creatively. The space becomes unhealthy and impairs the potential for improving our quality of life. They spread out and no matter where you step, you jar something that explodes in a wave of unpleasantness. It becomes a huge monster size living dump of the feelings we did not process.
The second chakra becomes a storage of pain and discomfort. As it fills, we become less receptive to ourselves. Our emotions are then triggered by things that are not even related to what is actually happening at the time span we are in. When these unhealthy storage areas inside us are triggered, we could be responding to something that happened years and years ago. The perfect breeding ground for sickness, bitterness and perpetual anger. And this mix will eventually erupt like a volcano all over your life.
Processing Feelings to Prevent “The Basement Disaster”.
I know I have repeated this a hundred times. Be your own best friend! And that means legitimizing how you feel. Stop for a bit when you are feeling angry, sad, confused etc...and give yourself permission to feel this while you observe it. Acknowledge your discomfort and observe the flow of these feelings without trying to make it feel better, push it away, resist or understand it. Let it flow through you. Notice where you feel it the most inside of you as it flows through you. Acknowledge that you feel sad, hurt, angry, confused, etc...This allows you to process and observe without actually interacting with the flow as it comes though you and leaves.
Resistance adds strength to the thing you are resisting. As your resistance grows, so does the force you are trying to resist. Just let it flow through you. It may take a few minutes, hours or days.
Just give yourself the time and space to legitimize and acknowledge how you feel. Make a ritual of it, circulating your aura while you do this, connect with your Higher Source, give yourself Reiki. I personally set aside time almost everyday to do this. I have so much buried crap inside me. I set aside an hour..half hour sometimes 15 minutes. I light my candles and incense, sit in my favorite chair and allow the discomfort to flow through me for a set time. Then I do something really good for myself. Like soak in the tub, read a book, give myself Reiki or eat a piece of chocolate.
This will neutralize the urge to repress. It will disarm the ego’s litany of self denigration. It allows you to make peace with yourself and keep your inner spaces clear for your own creative works. It keeps you from burying the vast treasure you have inside you.
Response
At this point the emotions will engage. This is where you decide what action will manifest from this processing. Will it be angry words, an act guaranteed to make someone feel guilty, a clever plan of revenge or a barrage of self hate. Or will it be a decision to keep processing it until you make peace with yourself and the energy of the emotions. A response ability that allows you to use the processing of your emotions as a learning experience, utilizing wisdom and discernment on how to act on what is best for your and your wellbeing.
Actions
There is no end or beginning to this formula. It is more like a cycle. Then end product is still going to circulate in it’s spiral patterns. Processing is an ongoing thing. We all process our emotions but we either do it unconsciously or consciously. Unconscious processing leads to repression..Conscious processing of the formula leads to heightened self awareness, self knowledge and wisdom.
The action you take after processing through the formula will always circulate back. Incorrectly or correctly for yourself. For there is no right or wrong. Just what is correct for you or incorrect.
What you manifest into the physical plane as an action will either be back for further processing or help you process other difficult situations.
I hope this helps. It is difficult to explain but so very important to me in my everyday life.
The good thing about doing this repetitively is after a while, it becomes second nature and almost automatic.
If you decide to utilize this...it will make an immense difference in your quality of life and how you view yourself and others If not, it will be fine. You will find a way.
Review:
Utilizing the Formula for Emotional Control.
Legitimize your feelings and emotions.
Observe and Acknowledge your feelings and emotions.
Do not repress or resist the flow of feelings and emotions.
Using these tools heightens self awareness.
Be kind to yourself and be your own best friend. Process your feelings enough that you lose the ego’s urge to self denigrate.
The Human Condition is shaped largely by “feeling” and by the nature of this physical realm; subjectivity rules. True objectivity is not possible. However; by knowing this, we can choose to control our ego/emotional responses. This allows us to view our environment, ourselves and others in a more objective way. Here lies the key to observing the man made illusions of this plane, working them without becoming part of the illusionary patterns. It is the basis of creating better personal realities for ourselves.
From the time I was very young, I was an extremely emotional person with no idea how to process my feelings properly. I either repressed them; pretending not to feel what I felt, or I responded without thinking. Both of these choices proved to be very damaging to my sense of self and my self esteem. My responses engaged my ego to rise up and represent me for so many years. By doing this I shaped a personality facade that was not representative of my total being. Just my emotions and ego.
I was fortunate to have a strong connection to my spirituality. I don’t know why or how but I did. And thankfully my “Inner Guidance” stepped in and helped me to slowly change my emotional response patterns. It took me years to finally “get it” but once I did the results were amazing. And even though I get the idea and know how much better I handle things, it is still hard to break old patterns. But it can be done. The benefits are so worth the effort. I haven’t shared this with many for several reasons. It is one of those things that presents so simply that it appears complicated and difficult to explain in a way that satisfies the minds demand for understanding. As you work with it; if you choose to, you will notice a noticeable transformation in the way you handle difficult situations and how you view the world in general.
My “Guidance” gave me a formula to use as a basis for controlling my emotions.
Stimuli--------->Perception-------->Interpretation--------> Reaction----------->Response--------->Actions
Stimuli
The first one is obvious. It is merely what the environment is for that moment, hour, day, etc...It can be anything. Everything in this physical plane can be stimuli. Our minds register millions of pieces of data that is stimuli all the time. And it is processed unconsciously every second.
Consciously working this formula is helpful when you are aware of discomfort inside.
Anything that triggers fear, anger, hurt feelings, guilt etc..is the time to consciously utilize the formula. For example, someone says something to you that rubs you the wrong way. That is the time to stop and work the formula. Stimuli is a fairly objective form at this stage.
One other thing about stimuli. It is not always the reason for the emotions to engage..sometimes stimuli is merely a trigger. Triggering something that was repressed and long buried inside us. Sometimes the actual stimuli has nothing to do with what we are feeling about it..it is just the trigger and nothing more.
Perception
How the stimuli is first processed. The first response to the stimuli is how you sense it. Where do you sense it. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you sense it? This is where the stimuli changes shapes and becomes subjective. For example, you wake up and the day is rainy. You can perceive the stimuli as either just rain or a sense of forboding, a sense of anticipation.
Interpretation
This is where it starts to get tricky. What are you interpreting from your perception of the stimuli. Example, it is raining..your perception is irritable when you note it is raining; your interpretation is the weather is going to ruin your whole day.
It is the place where you really begin to internalize and process with your emotions how you perceived the stimuli. This is where you start feeling it in your solar plexus. The beginnings of angst. You have interpreted the weather, the remark, the way your hair looks, the way your house looks not in a good way and the solar plexus begins to churn.
Reaction
At this point the “feelings” engage. The process is felt in the solar plexus and the second chakra
A Word on Emotional Repression
Repressed emotions are generally stored in the second chakra for women. Repressed emotions are things that were upsetting, devastating or traumatic to us that we did not process. It is a mistaken belief that if we ignore or shut out hurtful or unpleasant feelings that they have gone away. This is a pseudo attempt at emotional control and it doesn’t work.
The feelings we repress are pushed down into the second chakra. It’s like shoving things we don’t know what to do with in a damp basement. The things we put there change shape. They swell up from the damp environment, growing mold and fungi until they are no longer recognizable.
Just because we shoved them in the basement and forgotten them doesn’t mean they went away. They merely took on a life on their own, fed by more and more things shoved down there.
They take up space that we could use more creatively. The space becomes unhealthy and impairs the potential for improving our quality of life. They spread out and no matter where you step, you jar something that explodes in a wave of unpleasantness. It becomes a huge monster size living dump of the feelings we did not process.
The second chakra becomes a storage of pain and discomfort. As it fills, we become less receptive to ourselves. Our emotions are then triggered by things that are not even related to what is actually happening at the time span we are in. When these unhealthy storage areas inside us are triggered, we could be responding to something that happened years and years ago. The perfect breeding ground for sickness, bitterness and perpetual anger. And this mix will eventually erupt like a volcano all over your life.
Processing Feelings to Prevent “The Basement Disaster”.
I know I have repeated this a hundred times. Be your own best friend! And that means legitimizing how you feel. Stop for a bit when you are feeling angry, sad, confused etc...and give yourself permission to feel this while you observe it. Acknowledge your discomfort and observe the flow of these feelings without trying to make it feel better, push it away, resist or understand it. Let it flow through you. Notice where you feel it the most inside of you as it flows through you. Acknowledge that you feel sad, hurt, angry, confused, etc...This allows you to process and observe without actually interacting with the flow as it comes though you and leaves.
Resistance adds strength to the thing you are resisting. As your resistance grows, so does the force you are trying to resist. Just let it flow through you. It may take a few minutes, hours or days.
Just give yourself the time and space to legitimize and acknowledge how you feel. Make a ritual of it, circulating your aura while you do this, connect with your Higher Source, give yourself Reiki. I personally set aside time almost everyday to do this. I have so much buried crap inside me. I set aside an hour..half hour sometimes 15 minutes. I light my candles and incense, sit in my favorite chair and allow the discomfort to flow through me for a set time. Then I do something really good for myself. Like soak in the tub, read a book, give myself Reiki or eat a piece of chocolate.
This will neutralize the urge to repress. It will disarm the ego’s litany of self denigration. It allows you to make peace with yourself and keep your inner spaces clear for your own creative works. It keeps you from burying the vast treasure you have inside you.
Response
At this point the emotions will engage. This is where you decide what action will manifest from this processing. Will it be angry words, an act guaranteed to make someone feel guilty, a clever plan of revenge or a barrage of self hate. Or will it be a decision to keep processing it until you make peace with yourself and the energy of the emotions. A response ability that allows you to use the processing of your emotions as a learning experience, utilizing wisdom and discernment on how to act on what is best for your and your wellbeing.
Actions
There is no end or beginning to this formula. It is more like a cycle. Then end product is still going to circulate in it’s spiral patterns. Processing is an ongoing thing. We all process our emotions but we either do it unconsciously or consciously. Unconscious processing leads to repression..Conscious processing of the formula leads to heightened self awareness, self knowledge and wisdom.
The action you take after processing through the formula will always circulate back. Incorrectly or correctly for yourself. For there is no right or wrong. Just what is correct for you or incorrect.
What you manifest into the physical plane as an action will either be back for further processing or help you process other difficult situations.
I hope this helps. It is difficult to explain but so very important to me in my everyday life.
The good thing about doing this repetitively is after a while, it becomes second nature and almost automatic.
If you decide to utilize this...it will make an immense difference in your quality of life and how you view yourself and others If not, it will be fine. You will find a way.
Review:
Utilizing the Formula for Emotional Control.
Legitimize your feelings and emotions.
Observe and Acknowledge your feelings and emotions.
Do not repress or resist the flow of feelings and emotions.
Using these tools heightens self awareness.
Be kind to yourself and be your own best friend. Process your feelings enough that you lose the ego’s urge to self denigrate.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Sorting through the rubble
I have discovered that when I am presented with an emotionally painful challenge; it seems to trigger a disturbance inside me from similar issues from the past. Issues that I obviously have not worked through. Such is the case at this time.
For the past year, I have dedicated myself to inner healing. Processing buried and repressed feelings have been an integral part of my healing process.
Right now I am a bit subdued. Troubled and kind of disconnected. The good thing is I know what to do. And I have begun. The usual..circulating my aura, legitimizing the fact that something is bothering me and processing it. I don't have to know exactly what the issue is or analyze what started it..just allow myself to feel what I feel.
I set aside time to sit quietly in my favorite chair by the fireplace. Playing music that I like, light my incense and candles and prepare the room as if I were going to do a Reiki treatment or meditate. Then I circulate my aura and connect with my "Guidance" and "The Source of All". While I am meditating on allowing the feelings to come through me, I also give myself Reiki for support.
It is not necessary to do all of this but when I make a ritual of it, it gives me a sense of working with myself towards further healing. Preparing my environment seems to communicate through out me that I am working with a purpose, instead of being swept away by my emotions.
Another thing I have discovered is that when I set aside time and space to process this, I always find something interesting buried under the rubble and mess inside me. So it is time to sort through the rubble and see what I find.
For the past year, I have dedicated myself to inner healing. Processing buried and repressed feelings have been an integral part of my healing process.
Right now I am a bit subdued. Troubled and kind of disconnected. The good thing is I know what to do. And I have begun. The usual..circulating my aura, legitimizing the fact that something is bothering me and processing it. I don't have to know exactly what the issue is or analyze what started it..just allow myself to feel what I feel.
I set aside time to sit quietly in my favorite chair by the fireplace. Playing music that I like, light my incense and candles and prepare the room as if I were going to do a Reiki treatment or meditate. Then I circulate my aura and connect with my "Guidance" and "The Source of All". While I am meditating on allowing the feelings to come through me, I also give myself Reiki for support.
It is not necessary to do all of this but when I make a ritual of it, it gives me a sense of working with myself towards further healing. Preparing my environment seems to communicate through out me that I am working with a purpose, instead of being swept away by my emotions.
Another thing I have discovered is that when I set aside time and space to process this, I always find something interesting buried under the rubble and mess inside me. So it is time to sort through the rubble and see what I find.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Forebearance
I haven't written on my blog for a few days. I have been contemplating what I found out about myself. The self of so many years ago.
I used the time to take care of some outside chores while the sun was still shining the last few days. It felt good to work hard outdoors and accomplish the things that were important to me outside of my house. And it gave me a lot of time to process what happened the other day. (See my previous Blog, "I know you are in there somewhere")
I meditated this evening after helping my mate get off to work. The vibrations of the energy surrounding me during this were powerful, yet comforting. I circulated my aura inside and out and it felt pretty good. No matter what is happening to me, circulating my aura always makes me feel better, lighter and more connected with life..on many levels.
When I finished I found a word that kept running through my mind over and over. It would not go away until I pronounced it. Forbearance was the word and I knew when I said it aloud it was meant to remind me to continue to be kind, compassionate and thoughtful of myself.
At times I still become impatient with myself, intolerant and start to slip into self denigrating thoughts. Especially when I feel there is something I am not able to do or able to understand.
The old ego steps up to remind me how inadequate I am and how much better things would be for me if I was smarter. The good news is I am able to observe myself doing this immediately now and interrupt the unkind messages I send myself. Self denigration is so easy to slip into.
It is so human to compare myself to others and judge myself as lacking. But I know it accomplishes nothing but giving my mind unkind opinions of myself that I do not want to live up to. I truly want to love, respect myself and be my own best friend.
My healing is done on the subtle energy level, by raising the vibration level of the auric energy that surrounds my body and circulating this energy through my body and aura. This comes from a point of love. A point of love that I give to myself that reaches past the boundaries of this world. Through this I am able to love and send healing vibrations to others.
Being forebearant with myself helps me towards a clearer path to self love and that leads me to deeper self healing.
I used the time to take care of some outside chores while the sun was still shining the last few days. It felt good to work hard outdoors and accomplish the things that were important to me outside of my house. And it gave me a lot of time to process what happened the other day. (See my previous Blog, "I know you are in there somewhere")
I meditated this evening after helping my mate get off to work. The vibrations of the energy surrounding me during this were powerful, yet comforting. I circulated my aura inside and out and it felt pretty good. No matter what is happening to me, circulating my aura always makes me feel better, lighter and more connected with life..on many levels.
When I finished I found a word that kept running through my mind over and over. It would not go away until I pronounced it. Forbearance was the word and I knew when I said it aloud it was meant to remind me to continue to be kind, compassionate and thoughtful of myself.
At times I still become impatient with myself, intolerant and start to slip into self denigrating thoughts. Especially when I feel there is something I am not able to do or able to understand.
The old ego steps up to remind me how inadequate I am and how much better things would be for me if I was smarter. The good news is I am able to observe myself doing this immediately now and interrupt the unkind messages I send myself. Self denigration is so easy to slip into.
It is so human to compare myself to others and judge myself as lacking. But I know it accomplishes nothing but giving my mind unkind opinions of myself that I do not want to live up to. I truly want to love, respect myself and be my own best friend.
My healing is done on the subtle energy level, by raising the vibration level of the auric energy that surrounds my body and circulating this energy through my body and aura. This comes from a point of love. A point of love that I give to myself that reaches past the boundaries of this world. Through this I am able to love and send healing vibrations to others.
Being forebearant with myself helps me towards a clearer path to self love and that leads me to deeper self healing.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I Know You Are in There Somewhere
woke up this morning with a deep and painful feeling in my heart. I felt anxious and sad feelings flooding me. It was so strong it woke me up. I had planned on sleeping in a bit because I stayed up late last night and didn't have to be anywhere this morning.
I lay there and tried to figure out what in the world was causing these storm of feeling. I certainly was not feeling anything sad, painful or anxiety producing. It was the strangest sensation. It was as if I was being pulled in two. One was me feeling pretty good and satisfied with life being pulled by something else showering me with these very painful emotions.
Thanks be, I have learned and/or remembered "tools" to help me in confusing times like these. So, first I strengthened my aura and energy centers. Then I relaxed into the uncomfortable sensations. Wow, it was overwhelming. Like being swept up in some kind of emotional tornado, a painful one. I observed this as objectively as I could and let it run through me.
I felt my "Inner Guidance" wished me to surrender to what was happening so I did. Then the whole scenario became even stranger.
In my mind's eye, I saw myself back in the cave where I first saw the man with the long sticks or antlers coming from his hat. The man that glows green and has a copper head for a companion. I keep coming to that person and that place for some reason.
I felt the man with the strange hat's presence and I was flooded with the sensation of relief. I guess my inner self has learned that no matter how bizarre he appears he always helps me.
I was lying down on the cave floor, the copper head was curled up on my stomach. The man began chanting and rattling this big round thing. It was the size of a small pumpkin and made of some kind of wood like substance. I smelled something spicy burning in the fire with a minty overtone. I could see a large white circle that appeared painted into the rock floor surrounding me. I hadn't noticed it before.
First I had the sensation of not moving. Lying on the floor just allowing that flood of anxiety and sadness to roll out of me. I began to feel a stirring inside me and I felt a dizzy head rush. The discomfort dropped away from me yet I could still feel it coming towards me in waves. Coming towards me but not from me. I realized that (in this yet another strange dream) I was hovering over my body. And I was not alone.
Facing me was another woman. She was young, appearing to be in her early twenties, with medium length dark brownish red curly hair. At first I thought it was my daughter and it upset me to feel such painful emotions coming from her.
My heart center opened wide and I realized who she was. She was me when I younger and newly married. I had just graduated from college the first time. I worked in a bank and we had just bought our first house. My first impression was puzzlement; as to why she seemed so unhappy. I don't really remember any traumatic event that happened in that era of my life. But then I realized I don't remember that time period that well. It was a bewildering and confusing time. Everything seemed to happening so fast, I didn't feel I could keep up.
I didn't really know what to do about this situation. We just stood looking at each other. She looked scared and just so unhappy. I felt my heart moving in waves of affection and love for her.
She became more solid and I took her hands in mine. She looked at me, her eyes so vivid with painful feelings. She said," I want to be like you. I want to be happy, I don't know what happened to me." Then the girl began to cry with big streaming tears as if her heart was broken.
That made my heart open more and I felt myself beginning to cry. I squeezed her hands and told her that she was me when I was younger. That she was always a part of me but chose to hide herself away.
As I was talking to her I began to feel all the confusion of that time in my life. I realized that no traumatic event had occurred. Just a tragic condition of me not loving myself and trying to live the way I thought I should, according to what I perceived was expected of me. Not knowing myself enough or loving myself enough to know I was valuable and what I wanted was valid. The time of my life where I just could not measure up. I thought I was frumpy and ugly. I didn't know how to interact with my husband. I made a facade to help guide me. Instead of listening to my heart I emulated others to construct what I thought was the correct life for me. In short I did not believe in the validity of me. I did not trust my heart enough to find out what I wanted and how I wished to express myself in my life.
I was amazed that I could not see myself the way I really was at that time, at that age, at that stage of my life.
In truth it was a time of my burgeoning creativity. A time I could have accepted myself and my spirituality. But I didn't. I shut it all down because I thought of myself as inferior. I developed a culture of self denigration and denial of my true self.
I did get through this era of my life and I did learn from it. By the time I was in my thirties I was beginning to know and accept myself a little better. It wasn't perfect but it was something.
However, the particular part of myself that I was facing at this moment had shut herself down. In pain and confusion. Feeling unloved and not able to fit in the world, a part of me shut down.
As these realizations came over me. I told her that I had come a long way since then. I found my way and I had made it through some really rough times. Instead of breaking me, these times strengthened my spirituality and gifted me with wisdom. Leading me to where I am now. A place of healing, joy in life and learning to really love myself. I was learning to honor and trust my being, my spirit. My creativity was opening up wider all the time. I was learning (remembering) how to experience joy and wonder in my life now.
I held out my arms to her and asked her to come back home to me. I told her I needed the creative vision that she had hidden. I would open the beautiful heart and spirit that she shut down. We both began to cry and she came closer. She felt like a solid person and we hugged each other so tight and it felt so good. Then we became less solid..and she moved closer and closer until we were not separate.
I found myself back on the floor of the cave. The man was smiling and sitting on the ground beside me. I was thanking him when I "woke up" from yet another waking dream thing.
I am amazed how different I feel. The painful feelings are gone. Corny or not, it feels like part of me came back. A part I didn't even realize was missing. A part of me came home today.
I am so thankful to all of my Guides and The Creator. What an incredible feeling.
Maybe the part of me that I shut down so long ago, was so shut off that it felt separate. Maybe that's why I felt that sadness from nowhere. I honestly thought it was someone that needed me to send long distance Reiki or pray for. Yeah..it was..it was part of me. A part of me that wanted to return to the whole, perhaps? For wholeness is my goal.
Whether it sounds crazy or corny..or not. This is my story and it was satisfying. Wow, I wonder what else I have hidden inside me. Well, if I am meant to find other hidden parts of me..I will.
It makes me wonder about other young women transitioning into adult life. My heart feels for them. For some, like me, it can be a painfully bewildering experience. I am thankful for this opportunity to know myself better.
I lay there and tried to figure out what in the world was causing these storm of feeling. I certainly was not feeling anything sad, painful or anxiety producing. It was the strangest sensation. It was as if I was being pulled in two. One was me feeling pretty good and satisfied with life being pulled by something else showering me with these very painful emotions.
Thanks be, I have learned and/or remembered "tools" to help me in confusing times like these. So, first I strengthened my aura and energy centers. Then I relaxed into the uncomfortable sensations. Wow, it was overwhelming. Like being swept up in some kind of emotional tornado, a painful one. I observed this as objectively as I could and let it run through me.
I felt my "Inner Guidance" wished me to surrender to what was happening so I did. Then the whole scenario became even stranger.
In my mind's eye, I saw myself back in the cave where I first saw the man with the long sticks or antlers coming from his hat. The man that glows green and has a copper head for a companion. I keep coming to that person and that place for some reason.
I felt the man with the strange hat's presence and I was flooded with the sensation of relief. I guess my inner self has learned that no matter how bizarre he appears he always helps me.
I was lying down on the cave floor, the copper head was curled up on my stomach. The man began chanting and rattling this big round thing. It was the size of a small pumpkin and made of some kind of wood like substance. I smelled something spicy burning in the fire with a minty overtone. I could see a large white circle that appeared painted into the rock floor surrounding me. I hadn't noticed it before.
First I had the sensation of not moving. Lying on the floor just allowing that flood of anxiety and sadness to roll out of me. I began to feel a stirring inside me and I felt a dizzy head rush. The discomfort dropped away from me yet I could still feel it coming towards me in waves. Coming towards me but not from me. I realized that (in this yet another strange dream) I was hovering over my body. And I was not alone.
Facing me was another woman. She was young, appearing to be in her early twenties, with medium length dark brownish red curly hair. At first I thought it was my daughter and it upset me to feel such painful emotions coming from her.
My heart center opened wide and I realized who she was. She was me when I younger and newly married. I had just graduated from college the first time. I worked in a bank and we had just bought our first house. My first impression was puzzlement; as to why she seemed so unhappy. I don't really remember any traumatic event that happened in that era of my life. But then I realized I don't remember that time period that well. It was a bewildering and confusing time. Everything seemed to happening so fast, I didn't feel I could keep up.
I didn't really know what to do about this situation. We just stood looking at each other. She looked scared and just so unhappy. I felt my heart moving in waves of affection and love for her.
She became more solid and I took her hands in mine. She looked at me, her eyes so vivid with painful feelings. She said," I want to be like you. I want to be happy, I don't know what happened to me." Then the girl began to cry with big streaming tears as if her heart was broken.
That made my heart open more and I felt myself beginning to cry. I squeezed her hands and told her that she was me when I was younger. That she was always a part of me but chose to hide herself away.
As I was talking to her I began to feel all the confusion of that time in my life. I realized that no traumatic event had occurred. Just a tragic condition of me not loving myself and trying to live the way I thought I should, according to what I perceived was expected of me. Not knowing myself enough or loving myself enough to know I was valuable and what I wanted was valid. The time of my life where I just could not measure up. I thought I was frumpy and ugly. I didn't know how to interact with my husband. I made a facade to help guide me. Instead of listening to my heart I emulated others to construct what I thought was the correct life for me. In short I did not believe in the validity of me. I did not trust my heart enough to find out what I wanted and how I wished to express myself in my life.
I was amazed that I could not see myself the way I really was at that time, at that age, at that stage of my life.
In truth it was a time of my burgeoning creativity. A time I could have accepted myself and my spirituality. But I didn't. I shut it all down because I thought of myself as inferior. I developed a culture of self denigration and denial of my true self.
I did get through this era of my life and I did learn from it. By the time I was in my thirties I was beginning to know and accept myself a little better. It wasn't perfect but it was something.
However, the particular part of myself that I was facing at this moment had shut herself down. In pain and confusion. Feeling unloved and not able to fit in the world, a part of me shut down.
As these realizations came over me. I told her that I had come a long way since then. I found my way and I had made it through some really rough times. Instead of breaking me, these times strengthened my spirituality and gifted me with wisdom. Leading me to where I am now. A place of healing, joy in life and learning to really love myself. I was learning to honor and trust my being, my spirit. My creativity was opening up wider all the time. I was learning (remembering) how to experience joy and wonder in my life now.
I held out my arms to her and asked her to come back home to me. I told her I needed the creative vision that she had hidden. I would open the beautiful heart and spirit that she shut down. We both began to cry and she came closer. She felt like a solid person and we hugged each other so tight and it felt so good. Then we became less solid..and she moved closer and closer until we were not separate.
I found myself back on the floor of the cave. The man was smiling and sitting on the ground beside me. I was thanking him when I "woke up" from yet another waking dream thing.
I am amazed how different I feel. The painful feelings are gone. Corny or not, it feels like part of me came back. A part I didn't even realize was missing. A part of me came home today.
I am so thankful to all of my Guides and The Creator. What an incredible feeling.
Maybe the part of me that I shut down so long ago, was so shut off that it felt separate. Maybe that's why I felt that sadness from nowhere. I honestly thought it was someone that needed me to send long distance Reiki or pray for. Yeah..it was..it was part of me. A part of me that wanted to return to the whole, perhaps? For wholeness is my goal.
Whether it sounds crazy or corny..or not. This is my story and it was satisfying. Wow, I wonder what else I have hidden inside me. Well, if I am meant to find other hidden parts of me..I will.
It makes me wonder about other young women transitioning into adult life. My heart feels for them. For some, like me, it can be a painfully bewildering experience. I am thankful for this opportunity to know myself better.
Landscapes: Volume Two from Dustin Farrell on Vimeo.
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Hive, The Web, The Nest
I moved to my house last November. Since the house was left to me by my parents, I actually began clearing out and trying to organize a year or so before this. I gave away almost two rooms of furniture, clothes and small appliances. Then when I actually moved to West Virginia I gave away over half of my things in Virginia.
Still I was cramped and it looked overcrowded. So I culled the whole thing and donated another room full of stuff. I kept the things that I just could not bear to part with for various reasons.
I have an office that is crammed with things. Ok, I can live with that. We can walk around and maneuver. The room is serviceable and all our papers are in one place along with our computers. The room is pleasant despite being crowded. The rest of house is orderly and not crowded looking.
Then my partner moved his collections to the house.
Well to make a long story short, my spare bedroom became a storage room of boxes. Ugh! It started to bother me. In fact it bothered me so much that I put off clearing out a small outbuilding beside the garage until I get some order in there.
I began yesterday after I got my partner off to work. I emptied the large closet, vacuumed and dusted it out and put the boxes of my mothers knicknacks in the closet. ( I just cannot get rid of them yet..my heart won't let me even though I don't want them lying around all over the house)
That is as far as I got. The room looks like it was bombed. I am amazed at the amount of stuff that closet held. Even though it is large.
At 2 am I stopped. I haven't gone back in there. I am stumped about what to do with all that stuff. I am confused and undecided. I have found three bags and one box that I will definitely take to the Salvation Army. The rest?? I don't know. Then I got to thinking about other changes I wanted to make. But I am not decorator and I want to make use of the things that are here.
I do not have the income I had in Virginia. So I have to be very frugal.
Ok..this is going somewhere I promise! But this is just to kind of explain where I am right now.
I got up this morning and was sitting on my back porch. It is a beautiful day. I did my morning prayer/meditation/Reiki thingie. After expressing gratitude for all of my many blessings. (let's face it..my present dilemma is a joyous one compared to the awful things I lived through in the past years.)
I then asked for guidance to make my thinking and focus clearer when arranging my house. And asked my Guides to give me some direction about the best way to sell some of the things I am willing to give up.
I decided to practice conscious projection again and I began my journey where I saw the man glowing green with the copper head traveling beside him.
see: Really Gone to Ground this Time (September 8, 2011)
Grandmother Spider
I saw him but he was walking out of his little cave into the sunlight. I could hear the water fall and see the trees, grass and flowers. I think I may have gone into some kind of vivid dream state. I followed him until we got to a huge spider web. The spider was the size of a house cat with gray and silver bristles. She was beautiful.
The man with the copper head beside him stopped and gestured to her with his arms and inclined his head. He told her she was beautiful. I bowed my head respectfully but didn't say anything.
She climbed down her web and looked at me. I sat on the ground in front of her. I was kind of skittish but reminded myself that I was in an interesting dream. She spoke to me but not in a voice I could hear. It was like listening to her from a phone in my ear and head. She said this," I do not make my web to compare to other webs. I weave it for my own pleasure and use.
When I find and focus on my own design then my web is pleasing, useful and perfect for me.
The glowing man got up, he and his copper head moved down a path. I thanked the spider and tried to catch up.
Lady Honey Bee
I found him in front of a huge hive. The bees were moving all around it. I stayed very still.
A very large red bee came out and buzzed around us. I bowed my head and sat. I was a little surprised that I didn't get swarmed because the bees were very very close to me.
She hovered near me. I could smell her in the dream. It was familiar but kind of elusive. Like a mixture of cooked corn and apples. That is the best way I can describe it. It was very pleasant. Her buzzing was deep and I could feel it in all my energy centers. I didn't hear any words but I found words in my head, like a head text. The words were, "A home needs balance. Here the drones do their work and I do mine and we create harmony. If you are a Queen without drones then your home will be out of sync. Too much comfort without order leaves no place for the workings of the spirit.
If you are a drone without a Queen, too much order without comfort leaves no place for nurturing the spirit.
You must be the balance between the Queen and the drone for comfort, order and growth of the spirit.
I thanked the Queen Bee and her drones and continued to follow the man with the copper head.
Father Crow
I followed him to an opening in the trees. It looked a lot like a spot I sit in up my little hollow. I sat on the rock with the man and waited. I heard the crows cawing back and forth and smiled. Because I love that.
As I was thinking that a large crow flies down and stands in front of the rock I am sitting on. I felt a big feeling of happiness in my heart. He was very large and black. I greeted him with my voice. I could hear it clearly in my dream. I said," Hello Father Crow". I bowed my head respectfully. He began to make loud cawing noises and the other crows began flying from tree to tree. The large crow said nothing to me but a feeling like a long lost memory surfaced. The flying and cawing made something come from inside me.
Make my nest as strong, comfortable and protective for me and my loved ones as I can, but never become so attached to it that it calls your attention away from life. Be ready to fly into life with wonder and a sense of adventure. The nest is very important but my true home is carried in my heart connected to those around me. Not a place or things. Home is a state of being.
I thanked the crow verbally. I said, "Thank you Father Crow." That's all I could get out.
My dog kind of woke me up then. It started as a meditation but it became like some sort of dream state. This is the second time this has happened while I was up and fully awake but meditating. I kind of like it and what a difference it made! So much so that even though it sounded crazy I HAD to put it here.
Still I was cramped and it looked overcrowded. So I culled the whole thing and donated another room full of stuff. I kept the things that I just could not bear to part with for various reasons.
I have an office that is crammed with things. Ok, I can live with that. We can walk around and maneuver. The room is serviceable and all our papers are in one place along with our computers. The room is pleasant despite being crowded. The rest of house is orderly and not crowded looking.
Then my partner moved his collections to the house.
Well to make a long story short, my spare bedroom became a storage room of boxes. Ugh! It started to bother me. In fact it bothered me so much that I put off clearing out a small outbuilding beside the garage until I get some order in there.
I began yesterday after I got my partner off to work. I emptied the large closet, vacuumed and dusted it out and put the boxes of my mothers knicknacks in the closet. ( I just cannot get rid of them yet..my heart won't let me even though I don't want them lying around all over the house)
That is as far as I got. The room looks like it was bombed. I am amazed at the amount of stuff that closet held. Even though it is large.
At 2 am I stopped. I haven't gone back in there. I am stumped about what to do with all that stuff. I am confused and undecided. I have found three bags and one box that I will definitely take to the Salvation Army. The rest?? I don't know. Then I got to thinking about other changes I wanted to make. But I am not decorator and I want to make use of the things that are here.
I do not have the income I had in Virginia. So I have to be very frugal.
Ok..this is going somewhere I promise! But this is just to kind of explain where I am right now.
I got up this morning and was sitting on my back porch. It is a beautiful day. I did my morning prayer/meditation/Reiki thingie. After expressing gratitude for all of my many blessings. (let's face it..my present dilemma is a joyous one compared to the awful things I lived through in the past years.)
I then asked for guidance to make my thinking and focus clearer when arranging my house. And asked my Guides to give me some direction about the best way to sell some of the things I am willing to give up.
I decided to practice conscious projection again and I began my journey where I saw the man glowing green with the copper head traveling beside him.
see: Really Gone to Ground this Time (September 8, 2011)
Grandmother Spider
I saw him but he was walking out of his little cave into the sunlight. I could hear the water fall and see the trees, grass and flowers. I think I may have gone into some kind of vivid dream state. I followed him until we got to a huge spider web. The spider was the size of a house cat with gray and silver bristles. She was beautiful.
The man with the copper head beside him stopped and gestured to her with his arms and inclined his head. He told her she was beautiful. I bowed my head respectfully but didn't say anything.
She climbed down her web and looked at me. I sat on the ground in front of her. I was kind of skittish but reminded myself that I was in an interesting dream. She spoke to me but not in a voice I could hear. It was like listening to her from a phone in my ear and head. She said this," I do not make my web to compare to other webs. I weave it for my own pleasure and use.
When I find and focus on my own design then my web is pleasing, useful and perfect for me.
The glowing man got up, he and his copper head moved down a path. I thanked the spider and tried to catch up.
Lady Honey Bee
I found him in front of a huge hive. The bees were moving all around it. I stayed very still.
A very large red bee came out and buzzed around us. I bowed my head and sat. I was a little surprised that I didn't get swarmed because the bees were very very close to me.
She hovered near me. I could smell her in the dream. It was familiar but kind of elusive. Like a mixture of cooked corn and apples. That is the best way I can describe it. It was very pleasant. Her buzzing was deep and I could feel it in all my energy centers. I didn't hear any words but I found words in my head, like a head text. The words were, "A home needs balance. Here the drones do their work and I do mine and we create harmony. If you are a Queen without drones then your home will be out of sync. Too much comfort without order leaves no place for the workings of the spirit.
If you are a drone without a Queen, too much order without comfort leaves no place for nurturing the spirit.
You must be the balance between the Queen and the drone for comfort, order and growth of the spirit.
I thanked the Queen Bee and her drones and continued to follow the man with the copper head.
Father Crow
I followed him to an opening in the trees. It looked a lot like a spot I sit in up my little hollow. I sat on the rock with the man and waited. I heard the crows cawing back and forth and smiled. Because I love that.
As I was thinking that a large crow flies down and stands in front of the rock I am sitting on. I felt a big feeling of happiness in my heart. He was very large and black. I greeted him with my voice. I could hear it clearly in my dream. I said," Hello Father Crow". I bowed my head respectfully. He began to make loud cawing noises and the other crows began flying from tree to tree. The large crow said nothing to me but a feeling like a long lost memory surfaced. The flying and cawing made something come from inside me.
Make my nest as strong, comfortable and protective for me and my loved ones as I can, but never become so attached to it that it calls your attention away from life. Be ready to fly into life with wonder and a sense of adventure. The nest is very important but my true home is carried in my heart connected to those around me. Not a place or things. Home is a state of being.
I thanked the crow verbally. I said, "Thank you Father Crow." That's all I could get out.
My dog kind of woke me up then. It started as a meditation but it became like some sort of dream state. This is the second time this has happened while I was up and fully awake but meditating. I kind of like it and what a difference it made! So much so that even though it sounded crazy I HAD to put it here.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Advise or Just Listen?
It's a dilemma that I come across more and more. It didn't used to be a dilemma because if anyone came to me with a problem or concern to share; I chimed in with advice and directions without a qualm. Whether I was asked to share my opinion or not.
For the last year or so, I noticed that I don't just jump in with my advice guns loaded. In fact I am now hesitant to offer advice but very open to just listening.
This occurred to me a few months ago when one of my friends was sharing some troubles she was having and actually asked for my advice. I hesitated and actually admitted that I had no advice on how to resolve the specific issue.
What I did offer; besides my ears and heart for listening, were techniques I utilized to calm my emotions and anxiety enough to handle the anxiety and emotional pain. The pain and anxiety that some of these life issues bring us.
Techniques like self treating with Reiki, deep breathing, energy circulation, detaching from the emotions for a bit and observe and feel them. I always add mediation and prayer as things I utilize as well. These are the steps that work for me in almost every situation.
I have also noted that in many situations listening is the best approach. Sometimes it is the most comforting and helpful. To listen without interrupting the person. To truly and honestly pay close attention to what the person experiencing pain and trouble is saying.
At one time I believed that to not offer advice was a sign of apathy. But now I know it is the highest order of empathy.
Sooo, take my advice and just listen.
For the last year or so, I noticed that I don't just jump in with my advice guns loaded. In fact I am now hesitant to offer advice but very open to just listening.
This occurred to me a few months ago when one of my friends was sharing some troubles she was having and actually asked for my advice. I hesitated and actually admitted that I had no advice on how to resolve the specific issue.
What I did offer; besides my ears and heart for listening, were techniques I utilized to calm my emotions and anxiety enough to handle the anxiety and emotional pain. The pain and anxiety that some of these life issues bring us.
Techniques like self treating with Reiki, deep breathing, energy circulation, detaching from the emotions for a bit and observe and feel them. I always add mediation and prayer as things I utilize as well. These are the steps that work for me in almost every situation.
I have also noted that in many situations listening is the best approach. Sometimes it is the most comforting and helpful. To listen without interrupting the person. To truly and honestly pay close attention to what the person experiencing pain and trouble is saying.
At one time I believed that to not offer advice was a sign of apathy. But now I know it is the highest order of empathy.
Sooo, take my advice and just listen.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What I learned from my Tomato Plants
I harvested 12 tomatoes from my tomato plants. And they are beautiful. I am grateful for their heroic efforts to produce despite my amateur gardening skills. It was my first attempt at planting a garden and I learned a lot.
I loved watching every step of the growth of the plants from tiny to large. My heart was strengthened by the way the plants effort to thrive combined with my effort to nurture.
I have learned something really valuable from this. About gardening and about life. My life expands with my attempts to venture outside my comfort zones of experience and knowledge. To have a desire to take a step toward something that is beyond my experience was the first step. To find out the rudimentary first steps for aiming myself to align with the desire to learn something new.
From this action I acquired more knowledge about growing vegetables. Especially tomatoes. They need a place with more direct morning sunlight. They require a lot of water. The ground around their roots requires a healing space that is free of choking weeds. They need extra food that sometimes the ground does not provide.
This experience has made my heart happy. Now that I know a little bit more about the tomatoes by watching and nurturing their growth, I am so grateful for the small harvest that I was able to receive. To me it was huge. Now it's time to help the plants to their next cycle.
And in the rest of my life to remember these simple techniques to expand away from my comfort zone. Just take the step, learn, experience the challenge and take the next step.
I loved watching every step of the growth of the plants from tiny to large. My heart was strengthened by the way the plants effort to thrive combined with my effort to nurture.
I have learned something really valuable from this. About gardening and about life. My life expands with my attempts to venture outside my comfort zones of experience and knowledge. To have a desire to take a step toward something that is beyond my experience was the first step. To find out the rudimentary first steps for aiming myself to align with the desire to learn something new.
From this action I acquired more knowledge about growing vegetables. Especially tomatoes. They need a place with more direct morning sunlight. They require a lot of water. The ground around their roots requires a healing space that is free of choking weeds. They need extra food that sometimes the ground does not provide.
This experience has made my heart happy. Now that I know a little bit more about the tomatoes by watching and nurturing their growth, I am so grateful for the small harvest that I was able to receive. To me it was huge. Now it's time to help the plants to their next cycle.
And in the rest of my life to remember these simple techniques to expand away from my comfort zone. Just take the step, learn, experience the challenge and take the next step.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Climbing up the hill doesn't always mean struggle. Sometimes it means, progress.
Now, I know my title sounds like I am in the midst of a difficult struggle..but it's not what I mean. Climbing up the hill doesn't always signify a struggle. I frequently like to climb up hills so I can get a more of an all inclusive view. It requires effort but it is worth it. It is exhilarating and I am so pleased with myself and my surroundings when I accomplish this.
So I have contemplated the "journey" that taught me to enjoy what is happening around me and what I am seeing without always waiting for the big proverbial ax to fall. I am getting better at catching myself doing this. And it has made a difference in my thinking now that I am aware of my patterns.
I will continue to observe myself. As I observe myself I become more aware of these patterns. It appears that awareness by itself has helped me evolve my thinking a bit. Now I will take it a step further and begin my day with this awareness and ask for guidance to correct these internally. This is where I begin climbing uphill. It is about progress which entails some effort but not a struggle. And while I am on the hill, I can see things so much clearer than before.
So I have contemplated the "journey" that taught me to enjoy what is happening around me and what I am seeing without always waiting for the big proverbial ax to fall. I am getting better at catching myself doing this. And it has made a difference in my thinking now that I am aware of my patterns.
I will continue to observe myself. As I observe myself I become more aware of these patterns. It appears that awareness by itself has helped me evolve my thinking a bit. Now I will take it a step further and begin my day with this awareness and ask for guidance to correct these internally. This is where I begin climbing uphill. It is about progress which entails some effort but not a struggle. And while I am on the hill, I can see things so much clearer than before.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I am quietly here
I haven't written for a few days. I have actually been working on the advice from my previous post. To stop living in anticipation of pain, disaster and trouble. I thought I was reasonably aware of my inner workings but to be honest; I was shocked to find how many times I consistently and automatically think of bad things that could happen in any situation.
It is subtle and so familiar at first I didn't notice so much. But as I began to really observe my inner workings. There it was. And now as I notice it beginning..I gently remind myself to 1) take note of the moment I am in. Observe where I am and what I am doing. 2) Observe what my thought patterns are. 3) Gently redirect my thought patterns with reassurance that the thing, situation, event or circumstance that I am fretting over and trying to avoid has not happened. It is a fear or anxiety I have. I am trying to fix, head off, ward off or avoid a potential problem that may never occur. 4) Take a deep breath, think of all the things in my life to be grateful for and step into the "state of acceptance".
This is where I am right now. It is amazing the difference I can see already in my thinking, emotions and the added enjoyment of minute to minute life that usually escapes me while I am working myself up for trouble that may not happen. Once again, being aware of what I do and acknowledging it have worked well in this endeavor.
And as always, Reiki and meditation help this process a lot.
I will continue to work on this.
It is subtle and so familiar at first I didn't notice so much. But as I began to really observe my inner workings. There it was. And now as I notice it beginning..I gently remind myself to 1) take note of the moment I am in. Observe where I am and what I am doing. 2) Observe what my thought patterns are. 3) Gently redirect my thought patterns with reassurance that the thing, situation, event or circumstance that I am fretting over and trying to avoid has not happened. It is a fear or anxiety I have. I am trying to fix, head off, ward off or avoid a potential problem that may never occur. 4) Take a deep breath, think of all the things in my life to be grateful for and step into the "state of acceptance".
This is where I am right now. It is amazing the difference I can see already in my thinking, emotions and the added enjoyment of minute to minute life that usually escapes me while I am working myself up for trouble that may not happen. Once again, being aware of what I do and acknowledging it have worked well in this endeavor.
And as always, Reiki and meditation help this process a lot.
I will continue to work on this.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Really Gone to Ground this time
I have a great love of the land my house is sitting on. It is the same land my great-grandparents and grandparents lived. My father and grandfather were raised on this property. My parents lived here after my father retired from the Air Force until their death. I spent all of my summers here, playing in the woods and climbing the side of the mountain.
I am so glad I decided to move here after so much self-deliberation and anxiety about what to do with it.
On Labor Day of this year I decided to consciously project into the heart of my land.
I prepared and made the bridge. I asked my Guides and power animal to be with me.
I crossed the bridge and projected myself into the ground. I saw the place that I go down to meet my power animal. In the tree with the tunnels. I followed my power animal into the tunnel that glowed a dull green. It was like entering a cave. It was illuminated dimly but I could not see any type of lighting device. The room of the cave got wider.
Now at this point, I cannot honestly say what happened. I am not sure if I dozed off and was dreaming but it seemed so real and I remember every detail.
When we got into the middle of the large cave room, I began to communicate my love and gratitude for this land. As I began to send Reiki, my power animal lay beside me.
Something felt different and I looked over to where my power animal was gazing. Right in front of us was an image that looked like a man with a strangely shaped hat. I could not make out any specific features. He was glowing a dull green and things appeared blurred to me.
The reason I am wondering if it was a dream is the man began to talk to me. In words I could understand. Here is what I can remember of what he said.
“It is good that you are so thankful for the gifts of this life. But you live in fear of the pain too much, still.”
I didn’t know what to say or what to ask. I had the feeling to say nothing and just listen. He said other words but I couldn’t understand it. Either he was talking to fast or he wasn’t speaking English. My Guides and my power animal were there but I did not perceive any translations coming from them. As he said words I did feel dizzy and breathless. As he continued talking I noticed a shape emerging from the shadows beside the man. It became crystal clear to me even though everything else remained blurred.
It was the shape of a very large copperhead. It was curled up and it’s head was swaying. I
thought it was beautiful but I was kind of scared of it. I love snakes but I don’t pet them
or get close. I only touch them if I want to move them so they don’t get killed. And I probably wouldn’t try to move a copperhead.
The man kept talking and the room began to get very warm. I could feel my Guides and my power animal and I knew I was supposed to stay and listen.
The snake moved closer. The man spoke words and this time I knew I was supposed to stick my arm out for the snake to bite.
I was apprehensive but I could feel it was the correct thing to do so I held my arm out in front of the snake.
I was very scared waiting for the snake to bite me. I could feel myself shaking and asking
My Guides to help me calm down. The man asked me in English, “Are you scared?” I had to be honest and say, “Yes, very, I feel like running away.” After I said that the snake moved it’s head to my arm and I almost blacked out. It did not bite me, it flicked it’s tongue over my arm and then sat by the man again.
(Please overlook the shaky format. I wrote the whole thing down first. Then copied and pasted it here.)
The man said very clearly,” Life is pain and gifts. Pain helps us appreciate the gifts more but you must not live in anticipation of pain all of the time.” The rest of it I cannot remember verbatim so this is my interpretation. Anticipating pain does more damage than the actual thing that causes it. Also I need to express and feel the fullness of joy of the gifts in my life without marring or dulling them by anticipating something painful to happen.
It was then I noticed that even though there was an impersonal air in the mannerisms of the snake and the man there was also a warmth surrounding them. I felt it in my heart so strong.
Somehow I managed to thank the man and the snake for their words and lesson. Then I came back to myself. I thanked my Guides and my power animal but they stayed with me for a while. My energy was really rolling after this, especially in my heart center. I was dizzy, crying and it felt like a dam had burst inside of me. I remembered to ground myself. I imaged my feet going right down into the dirt where I was sitting. My energy settled.
After this I felt great but the experience stayed with me. And has since it happened. It has changed me a little. It has been three days since this happened. I notice more and more I have a heightened awareness of myself and how I am thinking and emoting. My heart center has opened up more than ever. However, when I think about it, I become tearful. I can’t control it. It makes my heart center open so wide that the feeling of it makes me cry.
I don’t understand how this happened during this projection. I am grateful but surprised.
Little by little it is making more sense to me but yet I can’t put it all into words.
I am so glad I decided to move here after so much self-deliberation and anxiety about what to do with it.
On Labor Day of this year I decided to consciously project into the heart of my land.
I prepared and made the bridge. I asked my Guides and power animal to be with me.
I crossed the bridge and projected myself into the ground. I saw the place that I go down to meet my power animal. In the tree with the tunnels. I followed my power animal into the tunnel that glowed a dull green. It was like entering a cave. It was illuminated dimly but I could not see any type of lighting device. The room of the cave got wider.
Now at this point, I cannot honestly say what happened. I am not sure if I dozed off and was dreaming but it seemed so real and I remember every detail.
When we got into the middle of the large cave room, I began to communicate my love and gratitude for this land. As I began to send Reiki, my power animal lay beside me.
Something felt different and I looked over to where my power animal was gazing. Right in front of us was an image that looked like a man with a strangely shaped hat. I could not make out any specific features. He was glowing a dull green and things appeared blurred to me.
The reason I am wondering if it was a dream is the man began to talk to me. In words I could understand. Here is what I can remember of what he said.
“It is good that you are so thankful for the gifts of this life. But you live in fear of the pain too much, still.”
I didn’t know what to say or what to ask. I had the feeling to say nothing and just listen. He said other words but I couldn’t understand it. Either he was talking to fast or he wasn’t speaking English. My Guides and my power animal were there but I did not perceive any translations coming from them. As he said words I did feel dizzy and breathless. As he continued talking I noticed a shape emerging from the shadows beside the man. It became crystal clear to me even though everything else remained blurred.
It was the shape of a very large copperhead. It was curled up and it’s head was swaying. I
thought it was beautiful but I was kind of scared of it. I love snakes but I don’t pet them
or get close. I only touch them if I want to move them so they don’t get killed. And I probably wouldn’t try to move a copperhead.
The man kept talking and the room began to get very warm. I could feel my Guides and my power animal and I knew I was supposed to stay and listen.
The snake moved closer. The man spoke words and this time I knew I was supposed to stick my arm out for the snake to bite.
I was apprehensive but I could feel it was the correct thing to do so I held my arm out in front of the snake.
I was very scared waiting for the snake to bite me. I could feel myself shaking and asking
My Guides to help me calm down. The man asked me in English, “Are you scared?” I had to be honest and say, “Yes, very, I feel like running away.” After I said that the snake moved it’s head to my arm and I almost blacked out. It did not bite me, it flicked it’s tongue over my arm and then sat by the man again.
(Please overlook the shaky format. I wrote the whole thing down first. Then copied and pasted it here.)
The man said very clearly,” Life is pain and gifts. Pain helps us appreciate the gifts more but you must not live in anticipation of pain all of the time.” The rest of it I cannot remember verbatim so this is my interpretation. Anticipating pain does more damage than the actual thing that causes it. Also I need to express and feel the fullness of joy of the gifts in my life without marring or dulling them by anticipating something painful to happen.
It was then I noticed that even though there was an impersonal air in the mannerisms of the snake and the man there was also a warmth surrounding them. I felt it in my heart so strong.
Somehow I managed to thank the man and the snake for their words and lesson. Then I came back to myself. I thanked my Guides and my power animal but they stayed with me for a while. My energy was really rolling after this, especially in my heart center. I was dizzy, crying and it felt like a dam had burst inside of me. I remembered to ground myself. I imaged my feet going right down into the dirt where I was sitting. My energy settled.
After this I felt great but the experience stayed with me. And has since it happened. It has changed me a little. It has been three days since this happened. I notice more and more I have a heightened awareness of myself and how I am thinking and emoting. My heart center has opened up more than ever. However, when I think about it, I become tearful. I can’t control it. It makes my heart center open so wide that the feeling of it makes me cry.
I don’t understand how this happened during this projection. I am grateful but surprised.
Little by little it is making more sense to me but yet I can’t put it all into words.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Earthquakes and Hurricanes
I, like so many others, am still surprised by the earthquake that occurred on Tuesday. I never felt a thing here. Most people I spoke to here in this part of West Virginia didn't feel it either. But in Virginia where I lived before I came here, it was pretty severe.
My daughter and my "sister" called me after it happened. They said their house shook like a washer that was unbalanced. My "sister" told me something Monday night that was very interesting and I didn't put the two together until later.
Monday night she called me to say that she saw something very strange in the sky. She described it to me. And even though I am surprisingly skeptical about UFO sightings but that is exactly what it sounded like. My partner has seen quite a few here up in the mountain when he is at work. It sounded almost like the same thing. And that's what I told her. She thought it was too.
I got off the phone Tuesday and began to wonder. I don't believe in coincidence. She saw it the night before the earthquake. What could that mean?
Then later, my daughter sent me a clip of an article where my sister's account is published along with other sightings. Hmmmmmm...
This is taken directly from the EXAMINER.COM
Virginia earthquake: 'No uptick' in UFO activity says MUFON state director
Roger Marsh, UFO Examiner
August 23, 2011 - Like this? Subscribe to get instant updates.
Major geological events like the August 23, 2011, east coast U.S. earthquake often triggers UFO investigators to search for unidentified flying object activity in the same region. One longstanding theory is that "they" know what is coming and are perhaps monitoring the situation.
The east coast does continue with fairly heavy UFO traffic reports in the third quarter - Missouri in particular these past few weeks - and there has been some reporting on a regular basis out of Virginia.
Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) Virginia State Director Susan Swiatek was reached at her home in Fairfax today - about 90 miles northeast of the epicenter at Mineral, VA - and asked to comment on any unusual UFO activity in the region prior to and during the actual earthquake.
Swiatek's comments:
"Today (August 23, 2011) at 1:51 p.m., a 5.8 earthquake hit Virginia, the epicenter being located at Mineral, which is about 35 miles northwest of the capital of Richmond.
"I heard in Mineral a woman ran out of her house just in time to see it collapse. Others are posting videos of a partial building collapse that crushed cars, but there is no indication where in the state that occurred. My husband Rob reports at our house in Fairfax the squirrels were visibly terrified as he ran out of the house. Neighbors were panicked out in the streets, but no obvious damage was seen.
"I work up in Rockville, MD, and I can tell you on the third floor here I first thought the HVAC system had gone bonkers. When the shaking got pretty violent, I thought it must be a co-worker playing with me and shaking my cubicle. I wheeled around to confront him with a smile and then I screamed as the true nature of the event was evident. Many people were running from their offices and cubes, file cabinets were flung open, pictures fell from walls and a few sprinkler heads shook loose and rained down from the ceiling. A block away from my office, plate glass windows appeared to explode as they shattered under the stress.
"With all this going on, those in the UFO community may wonder if earthlights were reported or if there was any uptick in local UFO sightings in general leading up to the quake.
"A woman in Warrenton (50 miles from the epicenter) reported the following at 10:25 p.m. the night before the quake (August 22).
"'I was inside watching cable TV. It started having trouble with the reception when a helicopter loudly passed overhead. I ran outside to look, since it is unusual for one to pass so low at such a late hour, although we are not all that far from Dulles Airport, and see them occasionally during the day, or before 9 p.m. I saw a large, round, brilliant, unwaveringly bright white light, closely followed by the helicopter, which had blinking red and white lights, seen from my angle of vision. They were heading east, in a straight-line path. The helicopter was following closely; the object was larger than the helicopter, but made no discernable noise. The helicopter was quite close to the object and obviously tailing it. I watched it until it flew out of sight, over the distant tree line. I've seen helicopters at night before; even tandem pairs, but never one following another, obviously different type of aircraft, so closely. [End Quote]'
"Two friends saw three bright, fast moving discs, one after the other in early morning on August 22 in Great Falls, VA (about 80 miles from the quake).
"'My friend and I were drinking coffee early on the morning of August 22, 2011. At approximately 6:15 a.m., the moon (and what I believe is Mars) were still visisble in the night sky. And it was between those two brightest points, we saw a white-lighted disc traveling at a very high rate of speed--faster than what could be a satellite. The altitude was approximately 50,000 feet. We watched as the object fluttered out. As we were talking about this event, the same or different object reaappears. It flies in a oblong pattern, then flutters out. A few minutes later, either the same object just closer, or a bigger one altogether reappears out of thin air, stays in the same position then flutters out. [End Quote]'
"Stepping back in time, you don't find a report until August 18. There have been no reports submitting for today (August 23). I would have to say, based upon what has been reported so far, that local 'earthlights' which are usually seen close to the ground before a quake were not seen in this case. Additionally, I can't say that an uptick in the number of 'conventional' UFOs was reported either.
"I will update my conclusion, if needed, if delayed reports are uploaded to the MUFON CMS system."
C&O Depot, Mineral, VA.
Credits:
Photo by William J Grimes, Mineral, VA, 2007.
Related Topics
aliens & ufos
ufo
Virginia UFO
earthquakes & UFOs
Now the Hurricane, Irene is coming. My thoughts are already with those who are facing this on the east coast. I pray we can all put our differences aside and help each other face the things that are upon us. Mother Nature is doing her thing. It isn't good or bad. It is what it is. We just need to hang on and help each other through this wild ride. For the thing that connects us all is our vulnerability to and dependence on the Natural World.
My daughter and my "sister" called me after it happened. They said their house shook like a washer that was unbalanced. My "sister" told me something Monday night that was very interesting and I didn't put the two together until later.
Monday night she called me to say that she saw something very strange in the sky. She described it to me. And even though I am surprisingly skeptical about UFO sightings but that is exactly what it sounded like. My partner has seen quite a few here up in the mountain when he is at work. It sounded almost like the same thing. And that's what I told her. She thought it was too.
I got off the phone Tuesday and began to wonder. I don't believe in coincidence. She saw it the night before the earthquake. What could that mean?
Then later, my daughter sent me a clip of an article where my sister's account is published along with other sightings. Hmmmmmm...
This is taken directly from the EXAMINER.COM
Virginia earthquake: 'No uptick' in UFO activity says MUFON state director
Roger Marsh, UFO Examiner
August 23, 2011 - Like this? Subscribe to get instant updates.
Major geological events like the August 23, 2011, east coast U.S. earthquake often triggers UFO investigators to search for unidentified flying object activity in the same region. One longstanding theory is that "they" know what is coming and are perhaps monitoring the situation.
The east coast does continue with fairly heavy UFO traffic reports in the third quarter - Missouri in particular these past few weeks - and there has been some reporting on a regular basis out of Virginia.
Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) Virginia State Director Susan Swiatek was reached at her home in Fairfax today - about 90 miles northeast of the epicenter at Mineral, VA - and asked to comment on any unusual UFO activity in the region prior to and during the actual earthquake.
Swiatek's comments:
"Today (August 23, 2011) at 1:51 p.m., a 5.8 earthquake hit Virginia, the epicenter being located at Mineral, which is about 35 miles northwest of the capital of Richmond.
"I heard in Mineral a woman ran out of her house just in time to see it collapse. Others are posting videos of a partial building collapse that crushed cars, but there is no indication where in the state that occurred. My husband Rob reports at our house in Fairfax the squirrels were visibly terrified as he ran out of the house. Neighbors were panicked out in the streets, but no obvious damage was seen.
"I work up in Rockville, MD, and I can tell you on the third floor here I first thought the HVAC system had gone bonkers. When the shaking got pretty violent, I thought it must be a co-worker playing with me and shaking my cubicle. I wheeled around to confront him with a smile and then I screamed as the true nature of the event was evident. Many people were running from their offices and cubes, file cabinets were flung open, pictures fell from walls and a few sprinkler heads shook loose and rained down from the ceiling. A block away from my office, plate glass windows appeared to explode as they shattered under the stress.
"With all this going on, those in the UFO community may wonder if earthlights were reported or if there was any uptick in local UFO sightings in general leading up to the quake.
"A woman in Warrenton (50 miles from the epicenter) reported the following at 10:25 p.m. the night before the quake (August 22).
"'I was inside watching cable TV. It started having trouble with the reception when a helicopter loudly passed overhead. I ran outside to look, since it is unusual for one to pass so low at such a late hour, although we are not all that far from Dulles Airport, and see them occasionally during the day, or before 9 p.m. I saw a large, round, brilliant, unwaveringly bright white light, closely followed by the helicopter, which had blinking red and white lights, seen from my angle of vision. They were heading east, in a straight-line path. The helicopter was following closely; the object was larger than the helicopter, but made no discernable noise. The helicopter was quite close to the object and obviously tailing it. I watched it until it flew out of sight, over the distant tree line. I've seen helicopters at night before; even tandem pairs, but never one following another, obviously different type of aircraft, so closely. [End Quote]'
"Two friends saw three bright, fast moving discs, one after the other in early morning on August 22 in Great Falls, VA (about 80 miles from the quake).
"'My friend and I were drinking coffee early on the morning of August 22, 2011. At approximately 6:15 a.m., the moon (and what I believe is Mars) were still visisble in the night sky. And it was between those two brightest points, we saw a white-lighted disc traveling at a very high rate of speed--faster than what could be a satellite. The altitude was approximately 50,000 feet. We watched as the object fluttered out. As we were talking about this event, the same or different object reaappears. It flies in a oblong pattern, then flutters out. A few minutes later, either the same object just closer, or a bigger one altogether reappears out of thin air, stays in the same position then flutters out. [End Quote]'
"Stepping back in time, you don't find a report until August 18. There have been no reports submitting for today (August 23). I would have to say, based upon what has been reported so far, that local 'earthlights' which are usually seen close to the ground before a quake were not seen in this case. Additionally, I can't say that an uptick in the number of 'conventional' UFOs was reported either.
"I will update my conclusion, if needed, if delayed reports are uploaded to the MUFON CMS system."
C&O Depot, Mineral, VA.
Credits:
Photo by William J Grimes, Mineral, VA, 2007.
Related Topics
aliens & ufos
ufo
Virginia UFO
earthquakes & UFOs
Now the Hurricane, Irene is coming. My thoughts are already with those who are facing this on the east coast. I pray we can all put our differences aside and help each other face the things that are upon us. Mother Nature is doing her thing. It isn't good or bad. It is what it is. We just need to hang on and help each other through this wild ride. For the thing that connects us all is our vulnerability to and dependence on the Natural World.
Hmmmm..I have another cold. What could that mean?
I can't believe it. I have a cold. Without any warning it just was upon me. What does this mean? I realize now I have a distinct pattern of getting colds in the spring and end of summer. Since I was a child.
I am thankful that I am in a position to nurture myself through it. Unlike in the recent past where I just had to plow through the endless grueling days no matter what. But I also now have time to peruse this pattern. What could it mean?
In my Healer's Apprenticeship Program...the last class I attended on herbalism, the instructor spoke of something similar. About certain people getting colds and pneumonia the same time every year. It could indicate a past life issue or a person's yearly decision to live or die.
With me, I wonder if it is a past life issue. I have never really delved into that part of my being. I have had flashes of it here and there and I have spoke to my son-in-law about the relevancy of past life regression through hypnotherapy.
I am going to work with my Guides and maybe look into these seemingly regularly scheduled colds I acquire every year. At least I have not had pneumonia. This was like the first year in many I haven't. I really think it has more to do with a past life issue than an indecision about whether I want to live or not. While I am here..I choose life..to the fullest degree. With as much joy and adventure as I can squeeze into it.
Well..I have tiger balmed my sinuses, Reikied myself for hours and now I have made some nettle tea. I will ponder this dilemma. I would really like to break this pattern.
I don't require a bout of sickness to remind me to nurture myself. I am all about self nurturing now. And not just when I don't feel well. So that much I have learned. And to help me contemplate I will be playing my favorite selection for meditation. Enjoy! I love Anugama!
I am thankful that I am in a position to nurture myself through it. Unlike in the recent past where I just had to plow through the endless grueling days no matter what. But I also now have time to peruse this pattern. What could it mean?
In my Healer's Apprenticeship Program...the last class I attended on herbalism, the instructor spoke of something similar. About certain people getting colds and pneumonia the same time every year. It could indicate a past life issue or a person's yearly decision to live or die.
With me, I wonder if it is a past life issue. I have never really delved into that part of my being. I have had flashes of it here and there and I have spoke to my son-in-law about the relevancy of past life regression through hypnotherapy.
I am going to work with my Guides and maybe look into these seemingly regularly scheduled colds I acquire every year. At least I have not had pneumonia. This was like the first year in many I haven't. I really think it has more to do with a past life issue than an indecision about whether I want to live or not. While I am here..I choose life..to the fullest degree. With as much joy and adventure as I can squeeze into it.
Well..I have tiger balmed my sinuses, Reikied myself for hours and now I have made some nettle tea. I will ponder this dilemma. I would really like to break this pattern.
I don't require a bout of sickness to remind me to nurture myself. I am all about self nurturing now. And not just when I don't feel well. So that much I have learned. And to help me contemplate I will be playing my favorite selection for meditation. Enjoy! I love Anugama!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Acknowledgement leads to Heightened Awareness
It has been a very nice Sunday. Pleasantly busy yet peacefully satisfying. I actually went to church today. A beautiful little church nestled in the hills. The church building's structure has remained pretty much unchanged for the last 100 years.
It was strange how comfortable I felt sitting in the pew listening to the sermon. As crazy as it sounds the words went above my usual aversion to any type of dogma and reached into this pagan heart to celebrate the shared experience of spirituality. I did not feel threatened or challenged. Of course, I did not stand up in the congregation and proclaim myself to be a Pagan either. That is not necessary. That is a label.
The truth is I am a person who celebrates life through my spirituality. For that hour I didn't think of the differences of the belief systems. I sat in a roomful of others enjoying the spiritually uplifting time of shared experience.
I feel that way when I go to a Buddhist temple or an Ashram. The shared experience of our hearts that go beyond the specific ways and means that go with each doctrine.
I got home and spent some time with my mate before he went to work. Did some yard work, housework, laundry etc...all the while contemplating the mechanisms that cause us humans to judge each other.
That brought me once again to the place where my "Guidance" always bring to my attention two important concepts. 1) It is not my job to figure out and monitor the judgmental behaviors of others. It is my business not to be judgmental. 2) Acknowledging my own inner ego driven mechanisms leads to heightened awareness of my thought patterns.
Heightened awareness of my thought patterns helps me observe what I am doing in a more objective manner. This provides me with an opportunity to redirect my thoughts to a healthier pattern.
Do I want to do this to be a nicer person? I would love to say yes but that would be a lie. I asked for this guidance and I practice this because it sets me free from the inner boundaries and prisons I make for myself. When I am less judgmental of others then I become less judgmental of myself.
Through acknowledgement of my inner workings I have been able to alleviate a lot of unwanted and unnecessary anxiety by redirecting my focus on what I want ..not what I am afraid will happen.
I am able to work with my ego and emotions and place myself into a "state of acceptance".
Is all this working? Oh yes it is. My life is so totally different now. My thoughts, my emotions are more authentic and genuine. Not a mirrored version of what I hear and see others do. I don't dislike myself, berate myself and a lot of my deep seated inferior thinking of myself has been alleviated.
I am totally fixed? No, it doesn't work that way. Living authentically is an ongoing process.
And the human condition is a powerful force. But I am not waging a war or fighting anything..I am working within myself. Utilizing the forces of the human condition as well as Guidance from a Higher Source. I still become anxious, worried and uncertain about things. But I am able to process this now instead of escalating these emotions into something bigger than they need to be.
Life is filled with possibilities and the possibilities are endless. But first I need to be open to it.
It was strange how comfortable I felt sitting in the pew listening to the sermon. As crazy as it sounds the words went above my usual aversion to any type of dogma and reached into this pagan heart to celebrate the shared experience of spirituality. I did not feel threatened or challenged. Of course, I did not stand up in the congregation and proclaim myself to be a Pagan either. That is not necessary. That is a label.
The truth is I am a person who celebrates life through my spirituality. For that hour I didn't think of the differences of the belief systems. I sat in a roomful of others enjoying the spiritually uplifting time of shared experience.
I feel that way when I go to a Buddhist temple or an Ashram. The shared experience of our hearts that go beyond the specific ways and means that go with each doctrine.
I got home and spent some time with my mate before he went to work. Did some yard work, housework, laundry etc...all the while contemplating the mechanisms that cause us humans to judge each other.
That brought me once again to the place where my "Guidance" always bring to my attention two important concepts. 1) It is not my job to figure out and monitor the judgmental behaviors of others. It is my business not to be judgmental. 2) Acknowledging my own inner ego driven mechanisms leads to heightened awareness of my thought patterns.
Heightened awareness of my thought patterns helps me observe what I am doing in a more objective manner. This provides me with an opportunity to redirect my thoughts to a healthier pattern.
Do I want to do this to be a nicer person? I would love to say yes but that would be a lie. I asked for this guidance and I practice this because it sets me free from the inner boundaries and prisons I make for myself. When I am less judgmental of others then I become less judgmental of myself.
Through acknowledgement of my inner workings I have been able to alleviate a lot of unwanted and unnecessary anxiety by redirecting my focus on what I want ..not what I am afraid will happen.
I am able to work with my ego and emotions and place myself into a "state of acceptance".
Is all this working? Oh yes it is. My life is so totally different now. My thoughts, my emotions are more authentic and genuine. Not a mirrored version of what I hear and see others do. I don't dislike myself, berate myself and a lot of my deep seated inferior thinking of myself has been alleviated.
I am totally fixed? No, it doesn't work that way. Living authentically is an ongoing process.
And the human condition is a powerful force. But I am not waging a war or fighting anything..I am working within myself. Utilizing the forces of the human condition as well as Guidance from a Higher Source. I still become anxious, worried and uncertain about things. But I am able to process this now instead of escalating these emotions into something bigger than they need to be.
Life is filled with possibilities and the possibilities are endless. But first I need to be open to it.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Quiet Saturday Evening
I am sitting here in my little office. My dog is lying on the floor beside my chair. It is quiet. I don't have any music on..and I am not a huge television fan. My partner is at work. His truck is fixed and he is back on the road again.
Today we spent most of our day together and it was very nice. My insides have calmed down. The intense sense of urgency has calmed considerably. I didn't get any large projects finished. I listened a lot. Took a couple of walks back up the hollow. I reflected on the past week.
I know a large internal shift has occurred inside me. I am not sure what this entails but I am sure I will find out. One step at a time. I have utilized the methods my Guidance have given me to process and cope with things that cause me to be stuck. (By being "stuck" I mean to be in a place emotionally that I cannot work through. It is as palpable as an obstruction but the cause is sometimes elusive. It holds my thoughts in a way that resembles an obsession. And causes an escalation of anxiety.)
The methods they have given me include "leaning into" the uncertain feelings, giving myself Reiki, Circulating my Aura, acknowledging and legitimizing my emotions and putting myself into a "state of acceptance".
These tools assist me by allowing me to continue the energy circulation throughout my aura, a healthier way to control my emotions, to ease anxiety that is triggered by uncertainty, to keep me connected to Higher Source and to help ground me enough to keep my awareness in the Now.
So the good news is...Even though I have an underlying sensation of uncertainty. It is causing me more curiosity than anxiety at this point. I am kind of interested in seeing what happens next ...as opposed to being obsessively focused and worried. I am still peaceful inside. I am thankful I was able to work through my ego's hesitancy to post my writings on Emotional Contagion. It was very difficult but a huge weight lifted from me when I did. I felt a deep sense of relief that was much stronger than any embarrassment I felt at publicly revealing just how deeply entrenched in my spiritual life I really am.
I am ensconced in the Now at this time. My energy is circulating. I can sense a slight change in the vibration of my energy field. I can't put a finger on it and explain it...but it is just what it is supposed to be. There will be other things I will be guided to ponder and contemplate deeply..but for now..my being is at rest.
Today we spent most of our day together and it was very nice. My insides have calmed down. The intense sense of urgency has calmed considerably. I didn't get any large projects finished. I listened a lot. Took a couple of walks back up the hollow. I reflected on the past week.
I know a large internal shift has occurred inside me. I am not sure what this entails but I am sure I will find out. One step at a time. I have utilized the methods my Guidance have given me to process and cope with things that cause me to be stuck. (By being "stuck" I mean to be in a place emotionally that I cannot work through. It is as palpable as an obstruction but the cause is sometimes elusive. It holds my thoughts in a way that resembles an obsession. And causes an escalation of anxiety.)
The methods they have given me include "leaning into" the uncertain feelings, giving myself Reiki, Circulating my Aura, acknowledging and legitimizing my emotions and putting myself into a "state of acceptance".
These tools assist me by allowing me to continue the energy circulation throughout my aura, a healthier way to control my emotions, to ease anxiety that is triggered by uncertainty, to keep me connected to Higher Source and to help ground me enough to keep my awareness in the Now.
So the good news is...Even though I have an underlying sensation of uncertainty. It is causing me more curiosity than anxiety at this point. I am kind of interested in seeing what happens next ...as opposed to being obsessively focused and worried. I am still peaceful inside. I am thankful I was able to work through my ego's hesitancy to post my writings on Emotional Contagion. It was very difficult but a huge weight lifted from me when I did. I felt a deep sense of relief that was much stronger than any embarrassment I felt at publicly revealing just how deeply entrenched in my spiritual life I really am.
I am ensconced in the Now at this time. My energy is circulating. I can sense a slight change in the vibration of my energy field. I can't put a finger on it and explain it...but it is just what it is supposed to be. There will be other things I will be guided to ponder and contemplate deeply..but for now..my being is at rest.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Life is an Adventure, Not a Prison Sentence
I remind myself of this frequently even though, intellectually, I know this. I sometimes lose sight of that internally. When rhythm becomes routine and then descends down to a "by rote" rut; I need to get a hold of myself and take a look around.
I seem to trap myself in the spirit of : I have to get this done or my life won't be very good.
I suspect it is what happens when I become distracted from the "Now" and let my emotion/personality/ego take over while I mull over the thoughts they bring to my mind. UGH Don't get me wrong...the emotion/ego/personality trio are helpful and necessary in this physical plane. It's not about ridding myself of them. It is about training them to work with the totality of me..my higher self, my will. Not take over and rule my reactions and responses to things.
I am kind of in spinning mode today. I don't exactly know how to describe it any better except it is a spinning sensation in my energy centers. And there is a lot of heat moving up my spine up to the back of my neck. The place of my kundalini.
I have felt it rise at different times. But usually when I was doing a meditation ,giving Reiki, or working on journeying with my power animal. I have never felt it rise at a seemingly random time. I feel fine..no headaches..my body aches but that is because I upped the resistance on my stationary bike for uphill. I am spinning inside with heat moving up my back. I feel fine..I am just kind of amazed.
So I want to consciously view everyday as an opportunity for growth and learning no matter what I am doing.
I want to live as though every day is an adventure. No matter what I am doing or where I am going. I want to view everyday as a blessing of learning and acquiring more wisdom. Of becoming stronger and more deeply entwined in my relationship with Creator/Spirit/God/Goddess/Divine Mother/Father God/The Source.
I seem to trap myself in the spirit of : I have to get this done or my life won't be very good.
I suspect it is what happens when I become distracted from the "Now" and let my emotion/personality/ego take over while I mull over the thoughts they bring to my mind. UGH Don't get me wrong...the emotion/ego/personality trio are helpful and necessary in this physical plane. It's not about ridding myself of them. It is about training them to work with the totality of me..my higher self, my will. Not take over and rule my reactions and responses to things.
I am kind of in spinning mode today. I don't exactly know how to describe it any better except it is a spinning sensation in my energy centers. And there is a lot of heat moving up my spine up to the back of my neck. The place of my kundalini.
I have felt it rise at different times. But usually when I was doing a meditation ,giving Reiki, or working on journeying with my power animal. I have never felt it rise at a seemingly random time. I feel fine..no headaches..my body aches but that is because I upped the resistance on my stationary bike for uphill. I am spinning inside with heat moving up my back. I feel fine..I am just kind of amazed.
So I want to consciously view everyday as an opportunity for growth and learning no matter what I am doing.
I want to live as though every day is an adventure. No matter what I am doing or where I am going. I want to view everyday as a blessing of learning and acquiring more wisdom. Of becoming stronger and more deeply entwined in my relationship with Creator/Spirit/God/Goddess/Divine Mother/Father God/The Source.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Immersed in Reiki
I have practiced Reiki for quite a few years and still I am amazed by the power and feeling of Reiki. Since I have been on my "Sabbatical" I routinely give myself Reiki at least once and sometimes several times a day, along with daily meditation time.
Last night I began scanning my aura with my non dominant hand above my body. This is called, "Byosen scanning". I find I use it more and more. I scan auras a little differently, usually but more and more I have been practicing this method and I am finding it more and more compatible to my purpose and intent of Reiki treatment.
As I said I was utilizing this method last night and I sensed a real strange tingling cold sensation between my first root chakra (located at the base of the spine) and the second chakra (located two inches or so below the navel).
I engaged the Reiki symbols I chose for this area and held my hands above the area..I could feel it in my aura so strong. Stronger than if I had laid my hands against my skin. I could sense my Guidance urging me on so I kept with it..first to my aura and then laying my hands directly on my body in this area.
It was intense. I felt some discomfort and then I had the sensation of a popping inside me. Then a rush of energy burst through me. I circulated and processed it and it finally calmed down. My windows were making sharp pinging noises the energy was so intense. I don't remember my dreams but before I slept I remember having flashes of places and people..but now I can't call it up or identify the places or people I saw.
I followed up this morning with another treatment to that area. The area itself feels a little sore but relieved. Relief from what I have no idea. I didn't even know there was such a blockage there.
I think it is safe to say I am immersed in Reiki at this time. Among other things. I think what I am really immersed in is Wholeness...the intent to be whole.
Last night I began scanning my aura with my non dominant hand above my body. This is called, "Byosen scanning". I find I use it more and more. I scan auras a little differently, usually but more and more I have been practicing this method and I am finding it more and more compatible to my purpose and intent of Reiki treatment.
As I said I was utilizing this method last night and I sensed a real strange tingling cold sensation between my first root chakra (located at the base of the spine) and the second chakra (located two inches or so below the navel).
I engaged the Reiki symbols I chose for this area and held my hands above the area..I could feel it in my aura so strong. Stronger than if I had laid my hands against my skin. I could sense my Guidance urging me on so I kept with it..first to my aura and then laying my hands directly on my body in this area.
It was intense. I felt some discomfort and then I had the sensation of a popping inside me. Then a rush of energy burst through me. I circulated and processed it and it finally calmed down. My windows were making sharp pinging noises the energy was so intense. I don't remember my dreams but before I slept I remember having flashes of places and people..but now I can't call it up or identify the places or people I saw.
I followed up this morning with another treatment to that area. The area itself feels a little sore but relieved. Relief from what I have no idea. I didn't even know there was such a blockage there.
I think it is safe to say I am immersed in Reiki at this time. Among other things. I think what I am really immersed in is Wholeness...the intent to be whole.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Nothing is Impossible, The Possibilities are Endless
This is another little gem, courtesy of my "Guidance" from way back in the days when I was first discovering my ability to sense and move energy in my auric field. Of course, I didn't know anything about auras per say except that I could almost always see a hazy egg shaped shimmer of subtle color around people.
I had no idea what it was called. It wasn't until about 15 years ago that I learned the label for what I was seeing.
Anyway back to my initial train of thought. I was amazed at how it felt to circulate energy through my body and around me. I remember distinctly thinking, "This can't be possible, I must be crazy." And that is when I got those words," Nothing is Impossible and The Possibilities are Endless." I was stunned by this, too. I couldn't get over it. I mulled it over and over. Later that night after I put the kids to bed and my husband (who was still alive at the time) went to sleep. I began meditating on the words. I must have fell asleep because I found myself in a dream listening to a woman named Elena explain to me why the concept my Guidance gave me sounded so outlandish to me.
She told me about how my conscious mind was focused on the physical realm and therefore subject to the limitations collectively agreed upon by the human condition. In other words, I saw what I was preconditioned to accept as reality. I believed what was acceptable reality in this physical realm. Even though I was having experiences and knew things that were not within the parameters of preconditioned reality thinking.
For the next few weeks I had more dreams of Elena talking to me. She told me more about preconditioned thought patterns and the limitations we place on things by naming and labeling them. She told me about the heart being the intersection between the physical and beyond the physical world. That my weaknesses here were actually my greatest strength. That understanding was "candy" for the conscious mind...that "Knowing" was the thing to hold on to. Mathematics was a universal language, Being was the ultimate verb and noun. To do without doing and know without understanding why. (I still have a problem with this one.) She told me so many things in those weeks and then she went away.
But I never forgot those intense talks that she gave me in my dreams those weeks so long ago. Elena has come back from time to time. Not frequently but always with something to say that I never forget. Something so simple yet has such impact on my thinking and my being.
Today I was outside standing on my little bridge looking down into the hollow at the field that runs to the foot of the mountain. It was so beautiful with the sun's rays beaming through the lush green foliage of the trees. As I stood there admiring the view I couldn't help thinking about where I was headed, what direction my life would take. And those words came back to me.."Nothing is impossible and the possibilities are endless."
I had no idea what it was called. It wasn't until about 15 years ago that I learned the label for what I was seeing.
Anyway back to my initial train of thought. I was amazed at how it felt to circulate energy through my body and around me. I remember distinctly thinking, "This can't be possible, I must be crazy." And that is when I got those words," Nothing is Impossible and The Possibilities are Endless." I was stunned by this, too. I couldn't get over it. I mulled it over and over. Later that night after I put the kids to bed and my husband (who was still alive at the time) went to sleep. I began meditating on the words. I must have fell asleep because I found myself in a dream listening to a woman named Elena explain to me why the concept my Guidance gave me sounded so outlandish to me.
She told me about how my conscious mind was focused on the physical realm and therefore subject to the limitations collectively agreed upon by the human condition. In other words, I saw what I was preconditioned to accept as reality. I believed what was acceptable reality in this physical realm. Even though I was having experiences and knew things that were not within the parameters of preconditioned reality thinking.
For the next few weeks I had more dreams of Elena talking to me. She told me more about preconditioned thought patterns and the limitations we place on things by naming and labeling them. She told me about the heart being the intersection between the physical and beyond the physical world. That my weaknesses here were actually my greatest strength. That understanding was "candy" for the conscious mind...that "Knowing" was the thing to hold on to. Mathematics was a universal language, Being was the ultimate verb and noun. To do without doing and know without understanding why. (I still have a problem with this one.) She told me so many things in those weeks and then she went away.
But I never forgot those intense talks that she gave me in my dreams those weeks so long ago. Elena has come back from time to time. Not frequently but always with something to say that I never forget. Something so simple yet has such impact on my thinking and my being.
Today I was outside standing on my little bridge looking down into the hollow at the field that runs to the foot of the mountain. It was so beautiful with the sun's rays beaming through the lush green foliage of the trees. As I stood there admiring the view I couldn't help thinking about where I was headed, what direction my life would take. And those words came back to me.."Nothing is impossible and the possibilities are endless."
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Still Pondering the Tattvic (Tattwic) Tides
The flow of energies is never ending. Like blood, water, air it flows all around us, through us and makes us what we are. But something I learned (or remembered) a long time ago; some types of energy feel different. I am energy sensitive and when I was very young it scared me to death when I realized not everyone felt or sensed what I felt.
As I got older and with a lot of "Inner Support" (Inner Guidance); I slowly learned to pay attention to it closely and to utilize this "sensing" into my discernment system. This has proven to be priceless to me Once I began to trust myself to sense energies mindfully, I opened up to recognizing different types of vibrational patterns.
I learned which ones needed my full attention, which ones alerted me to something, which ones signaled the changes of consciousness during meditation and which ones signaled, "stay away".
I am not going to get into the metaphysical philosophy of this. This is my truth and is part of my path and growth. My point of bringing this up is that for the last three days I have sensed some very uncomfortable energy. I am observing it and how it affects me. At the same time paying close attention to my "Inner Guidance" as I process this heavy uncomfortable electrical energy to raise the vibrational level in my environment. This energy in it's raw form has definite affects on my emotions. I noticed a great relief when I began processing this energy in my environment with Reiki and Meditation. Still Blah but not stuck or stopped up like I was. I am still moving along.
That is what has me still pondering the "Tattwic Tides". How these tides of energy are affected by planetary alignment. (I believe in astrology, I just have no talent in this area) How the tides change yearly, monthly, quarterly and down to every 24 minutes.
I wonder what is causing this big influx of energy I sense?
As I got older and with a lot of "Inner Support" (Inner Guidance); I slowly learned to pay attention to it closely and to utilize this "sensing" into my discernment system. This has proven to be priceless to me Once I began to trust myself to sense energies mindfully, I opened up to recognizing different types of vibrational patterns.
I learned which ones needed my full attention, which ones alerted me to something, which ones signaled the changes of consciousness during meditation and which ones signaled, "stay away".
I am not going to get into the metaphysical philosophy of this. This is my truth and is part of my path and growth. My point of bringing this up is that for the last three days I have sensed some very uncomfortable energy. I am observing it and how it affects me. At the same time paying close attention to my "Inner Guidance" as I process this heavy uncomfortable electrical energy to raise the vibrational level in my environment. This energy in it's raw form has definite affects on my emotions. I noticed a great relief when I began processing this energy in my environment with Reiki and Meditation. Still Blah but not stuck or stopped up like I was. I am still moving along.
That is what has me still pondering the "Tattwic Tides". How these tides of energy are affected by planetary alignment. (I believe in astrology, I just have no talent in this area) How the tides change yearly, monthly, quarterly and down to every 24 minutes.
I wonder what is causing this big influx of energy I sense?
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My Way of Circulating Life Force of the Body and Aura
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