FTW

Among other things, I am a gamer. I started out on Ultima Online and landed in World of Warcraft a few years ago.

The title of my thinking/writing today is one of the many abbreviations that make up the slang type lingo of world of warcraft.

FTW is a popular one that is used frequently and it means "for the win". This is especially true in the PVP areas. (player vs player)

I have a few characters but my main is a level 85 Troll Rogue, one of the "Horde". Her name is Kiewei and she is a wild woman. Her partner in crime is another Troll Rogue named, Gorloklok. The person behind that character just happens to be my real life partner. I actually taught him to play and we have played together ever since. We quest, bgs (battlegrounds for pvp), do dungeons and raids together. We got each others back. When we are out questing or foraging for raw materials to make stuff for ah (auction house) we are on the lookout for the Alliance. The Horde's enemy.

If my character gets jumped by a human or dwarf, my partner comes running. And Kiewei does likewise. To be honest when we are playing and we see one of the alliance we either leave them be or help them out if they are overrun by mobs (non player character monsters). Fighting only if we are jumped. It is so much fun.

Now the interesting thing about mmorpgs (massive multiplayer online role playing games) is no matter how much you love fantasy and want to immerse yourself in it..the human condition always plays out. Even in a Blood Elf, Tauren, Night Elf and Dwarf. The same things that go on in general real time society go one ingame. The same drives, emotions, egotistical concerns, kindness, cruelty, sadness and the big one..Drama. It is everywhere. No matter where you are if there are people there is drama. I am not above drama. For instance if me and my partner are lfg and one of us gets accepted and the other one doesn't because of our class or a lower gs we /gquit. And then QQ, Haha

I find it fascinating..and I think that is one the things that draw me about mmorpgs. I don't care for television that much and I get to observe and interact with characters with real people controlling them. That is what I am contemplating today.

FTW, For the Horde with no QQ! (QQ= ingame whining)

Broken

Sometimes I get so caught up in the physical "reality", the human condition and my ego and emotions I really feel this way. Dramatic? yeah..but it is my truth. Sometimes I lose my way. At one time it was the way I lived. Everyday felt like this. I am thankful that I only feel this way occasionally. To be isolated, disconnected and overwhelmed is a terrible feeling. One I am still familiar with enough to develop a truer compassion for those who struggle with these feelings daily. Like I did.

When I felt this disconnected and isolated; it felt like "Life," Physical Reality, Society in general was deliberately trying to knock me down everyday. It seemed the harder I tried, the harder I fell. And sometimes I just felt like giving up. Until I learned how to surrender. And there is a difference between giving up and surrendering. But that's another story for another day.

I know this song is about a failed love with a man..but for me it represented my seemingly failed relationship with life..and times I just wanted to curl up and stop trying.

I was one of the fortunate ones. With the help of God/Goddess/Creator, my Inner Guidance (Guides), my children and my sisters I was able to pull myself out of the mess I was in. And learn a lot about myself on the way. But still, there are days.