Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I found a beautiful little shop

A couple of months ago; while my daughter was visiting me, I found the nicest little shop in Fayetteville, WV. We were out exploring the countryside and found "Stone Goddess" shop right past the little vintage theater and the Cathedral Cafe.

We loved it and the store's owner, Carole, was so warm with such a kind spirit. My daughter and I felt instantly at ease. I went there yesterday with my sister. And I really enjoyed seeing Carol again and the wonderful atmosphere of her little shop. And to top it all off, she is so reasonably priced.

Needless to say I was able to stock up on some things that I was starting to run out of. Like incense and I found some small gems I wanted to use with my healing work.

It is the second store I have found in my area for things I like that are not sold in regular stores. Between Healthsmart in Beckley and Stone Goddess in Fayetteville, I am hooked up. Yes indeed!

I can't wait to go back to her store.

I had a great weekend but I have too much to say and too much to do to prepare for my next round of classes. I leave tomorrow again. This time we will be doing some clinical work in a facility.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Leaving for Roanoke for weekend class

I am getting ready to go for my class for the Healer's Apprenticeship Program I have been working on for the last year and a half now. I absolutely love it and I am so grateful that I am able to go this weekend. This weekend delves deeper into Shamanic principle and practice.


I always anticipate these classes so deeply. The last one I attended about 6 weeks ago was on Herbal Plant Spirit. The classes are intense and I am tired at the end of the weekend. However, I am also charged and excited by the things I learned and practiced that helps me fine tune my own abilities. I always gain a deeper knowing of myself.

The petulance of yesterday has passed, for the most part. I acknowledged that I felt it and just kind of moved on. Like I do now with the stray anxiety attack I have had here and there. It is so mild compared to previous times that sometimes I just acknowledge it briefly and go on about my business. Later I will realize it stopped and I didn't even notice when. That's how residual emotional discomforts are now. I work through the larger portion of it..and then the residual just kind of evaporates because of lack of further steam to fuel the big obstructive emotional reactions.

I gotta go and finish getting ready. I am so excited! I will, of course, write all about it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Petulance

I am experiencing a bout of petulance. I am not sure why or how it started. I just know it's here and I am in the process of observing it.

I think it started with me worrying if I would get the last of my "home" projects completed before the weather became cold and wet this fall. It then proceeded to go down hill from there. I got to thinking about what an alien I am here. All out self pity busted out then. That is until I got a hold of myself.

It's like a runaway train. One thing leads to something else. Pretty soon I am bummed, irritable, negatively projecting my messed up ego/emotions all over the place.

Now, I am wise enough to know now that I cannot shove it away or resist it. That makes it bigger and I have to deal with it later. So I just gathered up what I was feeling at that moment and acknowledged it.

I then gave equal time to all the things that were so amazing in my life right now. I made an agreement with myself that I may be tired and maybe missing my friends a bit. Then I gave the whole shebang Reiki. And it did help. I am pleased I caught myself before it became a full blown depressing and draining inner struggle.

I will nurture myself to the best of my ability. Be my own best friend right now. Because something in me was triggered bothered me enough to bring forth this array of uncomfortable feelings.

Monday, September 19, 2011

My plants are strong and healthy but did not produce a lot of fruit

I put in a small garden this year, as I probably mentioned a hundred times on this blog. I am a real amateur but I did pretty well. I watered the plants and kept the weeds back. I gave Reiki to my plants everyday. I enjoyed watching them grow.

And grow they did. But they were a little slow in producing. My peppers were tiny, my cucumbers came in and were good but there were not many of them. My tomatoes were really late but when they came they were very round, large and green. I finally had to pluck them from their vines. I don't know if they will ripen or not.

I was thanking the Elements and The Source for helping me grow this little garden. It gave me great pleasure. And I got these words, "Your plants were strong and healthy but did not produce abundant fruit. The next planting will reveal what was missing because it will be time for you to know."

Ok? Sooo, what does that mean?

I took it to mean I am on the right track and I am getting the hang of living a different way with different goals that fit my life right now. But I have a ways to go before I fully realize my place, my purpose and become truly fruitful. The roots of my life are producing healthy plants and the fruit will come as I grow into it.

I produced some beautiful petite cucumbers and large green tomatoes. That is just a start of my journey. But I am grateful for how far I have come, progressed and grown. I am looking forward to being truly and abundantly fruitful.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Insolence of My Ego or Reviewing Old Patterns

This is an excerpt from a journal I started a year and a half ago. Before I made the big exodus to West Virginia. I was amazed that it is as valid now to me as it was then. Even more so because I have corrected much of the issues just by being aware and practicing Acceptance. I am slowly making progress and I tell you it feels good. To be free of some of this is like being able to take a deeper breath of air.

Amazing.

Here it is:


After months of observing my inner workings with the lessons of "Acceptance"; I can see more clearly how I have allowed my ego to insidiously control more and more of my emotional responses. It is difficult to put into words what I perceive in myself when this happens but I will try.

A stimulus occurs, for example, someone I do not trust or like very well will come to me at work and tell me something I need to do. If it is something that makes no sense to me..or I have already done this; I immediately become irritated. And then the process of my ego kicks in. It jangles my emotions to the point I begin to dredge up every other time in my life I felt this way until I am overwhelmed with this helpless kind of frustration.

My ego and emotions are not being controlled by my will. My "shadow self' is still in the background goading me at times.

Why does this happen?

I can only ascertain that it is related to all the buried and repressed emotions I have still inside me. The times my feelings were hurt, felt a frustrated sense of being overwhelmed with no recourse to fall back on. The times I felt left out of something (probably illusional)..or felt I was judged wrongly. I buried this and didn't acknowledge how I was feeling in a healthy way..and it stayed down in me..growing in other forms. Like nasty misshapen mushrooms growing in a dark damp place.

My "dark or shadow self" finds opportunities to send the message of this to my ego who in turn alerts my emotions. I perceive that I shut energy circulation down to ponder and obsess over this. Self pity and fear are what I sense as the most prevalent incendiary devices igniting my self righteous indignation and subsequent increased self pity.


Oh and the worse and most embarrassing thing I find myself doing..is to perceive and insult or slight and then react to it by "punishing" the other person by shutting them out or ignoring them. In the long run that is more harmful to me than anything.

What should I do to stop this?

It can be stopped but requires honesty within myself and a focused will to heal myself. By continuing to mindfully practice "Acceptance"; I believe I can see the patterns of my personality that were previously hidden to me..they were so reflexive by nature and automatic.

And my insolent ego so cleverly and with stealth drops little tidbits to get me started.. It is kind of comical when I think of it this way.
The truth is I must trick my ego/emotions. To teach my inner workings another way that is equally reflexive but healthier to process stimuli.

It is impossible to be human and not have perceived hurtful situations. The trick is not to live in the entire litany everytime something uncomfortable happens.

So my plan of action?


Continue mindfully practicing "Acceptance" using the steps of center, balance and focus to help me keep flowing.

To deliberately raise my vibrational level daily through Auric circulation exercises or meditation or both

To circulate my aura frequently.

To Reiki myself daily ..physically and emotionally

To keep my heart center open and flowing

To go through the "formula for emotional control" as much as possible.

To recognize the signs of my ego/emotional response before it gets out of hand and acknowledge it for what it is.

To thank my "dark side" for trying to make things better..but show it better and more healthy ways to accomplish this..(haha)

Trailing Thoughts on the Matter

Doing this has opened my eyes a bit. I can see that most humans do compensate for what they perceive as a lack in themselves or a inferiority by allowing their egoic/emotional response to commiserate and validate these feelings. Whether it be with self pity, anger, self righteousness, intolerance.

But the human race is not my responsibility..My job is to free myself from this prison that I have constructed.
To see clearly that the majority of the things I emote, agonize and fret over are illusional and the ones that aren't are made worse by my internal battle with myself. I don't fix anything I just make myself feel bad, shut my energy down and everything else around me gets shut out. Good things, beautiful moments, opportunities pass me by because I am too busy feeling sorry for myself or being scared or insulted.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Reiki for my pets, Karuna® or Usui?

I give Reiki at home a lot. To my mate, my land, myself, the trees and plants and animals etc... I give my two cats and my dog Reiki daily. It is interesting to see their reactions and how they receive it.

With the cats, Missy and Sabrina, I noticed early on that they liked Reiki but not hands on. They like to be near my hands or in the space I am giving it. My dog, Evie, on the other hand, loves hands on Reiki. At times when we are sitting together; she will push the area she wishes to be treated against me.

My cats don't react any differently to Usui or Karuna®. My dog definitely does. When I am giving her Usui Reiki, she just totally relaxes. Stretching or leaning on me. And if I would sit there for hours giving it, she would stay there too. When I give her Karuna® she leans in for a few minutes and then starts to get fidgety. If I give it to her without my hands on, she is still fidgety. She doesn't run away or act uncomfortable. She just keeps moving her body around.

So I switch frequently. Sometimes I have the feeling she would benefit from Karuna®, so I give it for a couple of minutes and then switch to Usui. I switch again to Karuna® for a few minutes with my hands above her body and then back to Usui.

Today when I changed back to Usui, my dog stretched out, let out a satisfied sigh and closed her eyes. Interesting.

I asked my partner if he noticed a difference between the Karuna® and Usui. He told me that Karuna® felt tingly and invigorating. It woke him up if he was feeling sluggish or tired. Usui he liked because it was so relaxing and helped him sleep. Hmmmm..

When I give Reiki to myself I notice slight and subtle differences but nothing major. I like both. Sometimes I feel Karuna® reaches a little deeper with more intensity in a shorter time frame. Usui is gentle and warm. It reaches just as deep but in a softer way.

I will continue to observe this just for my own experience base. I am so thankful for Reiki in general. Usui, Karuna® or any type. I am thinking the next kind I would like to take is Rainbow Reiki. But first things first. I have other Holistic Healing projects and classes in the works. Then I will see.

I will wait for my "Inner Guidance" to direct me. Until then I will be giving Reiki to everyone and everything in my environment.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Climbing up the hill doesn't always mean struggle. Sometimes it means, progress.

Now, I know my title sounds like I am in the midst of a difficult struggle..but it's not what I mean. Climbing up the hill doesn't always signify a struggle. I frequently like to climb up hills so I can get a more of an all inclusive view. It requires effort but it is worth it. It is exhilarating and I am so pleased with myself and my surroundings when I accomplish this.

So I have contemplated the "journey" that taught me to enjoy what is happening around me and what I am seeing without always waiting for the big proverbial ax to fall. I am getting better at catching myself doing this. And it has made a difference in my thinking now that I am aware of my patterns.

I will continue to observe myself. As I observe myself I become more aware of these patterns. It appears that awareness by itself has helped me evolve my thinking a bit. Now I will take it a step further and begin my day with this awareness and ask for guidance to correct these internally. This is where I begin climbing uphill. It is about progress which entails some effort but not a struggle. And while I am on the hill, I can see things so much clearer than before.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I am quietly here

I haven't written for a few days. I have actually been working on the advice from my previous post. To stop living in anticipation of pain, disaster and trouble. I thought I was reasonably aware of my inner workings but to be honest; I was shocked to find how many times I consistently and automatically think of bad things that could happen in any situation.

It is subtle and so familiar at first I didn't notice so much. But as I began to really observe my inner workings. There it was. And now as I notice it beginning..I gently remind myself to 1) take note of the moment I am in. Observe where I am and what I am doing. 2) Observe what my thought patterns are. 3) Gently redirect my thought patterns with reassurance that the thing, situation, event or circumstance that I am fretting over and trying to avoid has not happened. It is a fear or anxiety I have. I am trying to fix, head off, ward off or avoid a potential problem that may never occur. 4) Take a deep breath, think of all the things in my life to be grateful for and step into the "state of acceptance".

This is where I am right now. It is amazing the difference I can see already in my thinking, emotions and the added enjoyment of minute to minute life that usually escapes me while I am working myself up for trouble that may not happen. Once again, being aware of what I do and acknowledging it have worked well in this endeavor.

And as always, Reiki and meditation help this process a lot.

I will continue to work on this.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Really Gone to Ground this time

I have a great love of the land my house is sitting on. It is the same land my great-grandparents and grandparents lived. My father and grandfather were raised on this property. My parents lived here after my father retired from the Air Force until their death. I spent all of my summers here, playing in the woods and climbing the side of the mountain.
I am so glad I decided to move here after so much self-deliberation and anxiety about what to do with it.

On Labor Day of this year I decided to consciously project into the heart of my land.
I prepared and made the bridge. I asked my Guides and power animal to be with me.
I crossed the bridge and projected myself into the ground. I saw the place that I go down to meet my power animal. In the tree with the tunnels. I followed my power animal into the tunnel that glowed a dull green. It was like entering a cave. It was illuminated dimly but I could not see any type of lighting device. The room of the cave got wider.

Now at this point, I cannot honestly say what happened. I am not sure if I dozed off and was dreaming but it seemed so real and I remember every detail.

When we got into the middle of the large cave room, I began to communicate my love and gratitude for this land. As I began to send Reiki, my power animal lay beside me.
Something felt different and I looked over to where my power animal was gazing. Right in front of us was an image that looked like a man with a strangely shaped hat. I could not make out any specific features. He was glowing a dull green and things appeared blurred to me.
The reason I am wondering if it was a dream is the man began to talk to me. In words I could understand. Here is what I can remember of what he said.

“It is good that you are so thankful for the gifts of this life. But you live in fear of the pain too much, still.”

I didn’t know what to say or what to ask. I had the feeling to say nothing and just listen. He said other words but I couldn’t understand it. Either he was talking to fast or he wasn’t speaking English. My Guides and my power animal were there but I did not perceive any translations coming from them. As he said words I did feel dizzy and breathless. As he continued talking I noticed a shape emerging from the shadows beside the man. It became crystal clear to me even though everything else remained blurred.



It was the shape of a very large copperhead. It was curled up and it’s head was swaying. I
thought it was beautiful but I was kind of scared of it. I love snakes but I don’t pet them
or get close. I only touch them if I want to move them so they don’t get killed. And I probably wouldn’t try to move a copperhead.

The man kept talking and the room began to get very warm. I could feel my Guides and my power animal and I knew I was supposed to stay and listen.
The snake moved closer. The man spoke words and this time I knew I was supposed to stick my arm out for the snake to bite.

I was apprehensive but I could feel it was the correct thing to do so I held my arm out in front of the snake.

I was very scared waiting for the snake to bite me. I could feel myself shaking and asking
My Guides to help me calm down. The man asked me in English, “Are you scared?” I had to be honest and say, “Yes, very, I feel like running away.” After I said that the snake moved it’s head to my arm and I almost blacked out. It did not bite me, it flicked it’s tongue over my arm and then sat by the man again.


(Please overlook the shaky format. I wrote the whole thing down first. Then copied and pasted it here.)

The man said very clearly,” Life is pain and gifts. Pain helps us appreciate the gifts more but you must not live in anticipation of pain all of the time.” The rest of it I cannot remember verbatim so this is my interpretation. Anticipating pain does more damage than the actual thing that causes it. Also I need to express and feel the fullness of joy of the gifts in my life without marring or dulling them by anticipating something painful to happen.


It was then I noticed that even though there was an impersonal air in the mannerisms of the snake and the man there was also a warmth surrounding them. I felt it in my heart so strong.

Somehow I managed to thank the man and the snake for their words and lesson. Then I came back to myself. I thanked my Guides and my power animal but they stayed with me for a while. My energy was really rolling after this, especially in my heart center. I was dizzy, crying and it felt like a dam had burst inside of me. I remembered to ground myself. I imaged my feet going right down into the dirt where I was sitting. My energy settled.


After this I felt great but the experience stayed with me. And has since it happened. It has changed me a little. It has been three days since this happened. I notice more and more I have a heightened awareness of myself and how I am thinking and emoting. My heart center has opened up more than ever. However, when I think about it, I become tearful. I can’t control it. It makes my heart center open so wide that the feeling of it makes me cry.
I don’t understand how this happened during this projection. I am grateful but surprised.


Little by little it is making more sense to me but yet I can’t put it all into words.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Gone to Ground

For the last few days I have been blogging about the anger and other uncomfortable feelings. I have stayed with it and worked through much of it. It was good and I felt a definite sense of release.

Today I am calm but still quiet inside, staying near my house. I mean I did a lot of chores while puttering. It adds up doesn't it? When you putter around the house. Before I knew it I had finished all the laundry, emptied the dishwasher, taken the trash out. Made the bed, cooked dinner and the list continues. But yet, it felt like I was just lazing around. Strange.

Yesterday was the same thing. And yesterday I mowed over half the yard before it began storming.

I idly thought about going somewhere this weekend. Sometimes, when my mate is sleeping after he gets home from work, I like to roam around and explore. But not this weekend. I just want to be here.

I have puttered, worked on my homework for the Healers Apprentice Program, meditated, gave myself Reiki and watched movies.

I found myself resisting the urge to just be the way I am today. To urge myself to move faster, do something or basically just snap out of it. But with the help of my Guides I was able to get a hold of myself and just be what I am today. To just allow myself get through the day the way I need to. And be thankful I am in a position in my life that I have that option and luxury.

So..I am burrowed in my nest. For now. Wonder what I will do tomorrow. Every day seems different.

I doubt that this makes sense to anyone else but it makes perfect sense to me. And in the long run that's what matters.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Continued workings

I would like to be able to say that all my anxieties and deeply buried issues are all fixed, resolved and I am totally clear of them. But that would be a big damned lie.

I can say this. I am closer to the deeper issues. How do I know this? Because the deeper I am the more uncomfortable I feel. I am talking about perceptible pain in my heart, solar plexus and even my second chakra. It is like poking a bruise.

I will stay with this. It is uncomfortable but also interesting in a strange way. I am experiencing this and observing it at the same time. I am blessed to have the time, space and Guidance to do this work within.

Once again..to arrive at The State of Acceptance. Where I am, what is happening around me. Where am I in the Now?

I am going to meditate some more. I am so Grateful for this chance to work through my big internal mess.