Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Processing old pain and focusing my muse on the plants

I am sitting quietly beside the place where I am stuck. I am observing this and experiencing whatever comes along with it. Processing it..moving the energy through me and releasing it. My muse are the plants and their spirits which I love. This keeps me from becoming pulled in by the huge tide of released emotions.

It keeps me grounded..and reminded of the joys the Mother provides through Nature.

I realize these emotions are about so many different things. Loss, grief, deep sorrow, anger and , of course, fear. I am so thankful for the underlying sense of joy I have in my life. If these painful feelings were all I had it would be horrible. I well remember a time when that is all I had.

I am so blessed!

My favorite plant is Mullein. I am not sure why. I was first introduced to this plant at the Healers Apprentice class..I took the beginning of July. And I can't get it out of my mind..The shape of it..the leaf patterns and stalk design..I can see in my mind's eye. I love the feeling the plant emits. The vibration is familiar. Yet when I feel the energy from this plant it's like I am remembering a long forgotten or misplaced memory of something I knew well.

I don't have any Mullein in my yard for some reason. But I did find some down the road..along the ditch and in fields. I can't see anyone minding me taking a few "weeds". I want to replant..and have many in my yard..

I also love Queen Anne's Lace, Dandelions, Red Clover and Plantain; which I have oodles of. I am also looking for Burdock..which is also strangely absent from my yard. Wow, see..I get so excited talking and thinking about the plants. I can lose myself in this.


Mullein, The Mother Plant



Monday, July 25, 2011

Anger? Sadness?? What is this and where did it come from

I am already unsettled by the stuck place I spoke of earlier. Then while I am getting closer to it and observing it; anger and sadness roll through this cloud of confusion like thunder. There it is..where in the world did that come from?

I have no idea what I am angered or saddened about. So it must be some deeply buried things that have risen up from my inner storage rooms. The place I bury things I don't want to deal with. I thought I cleared most of that out..but here comes more. Dang.

I guess it is time to face the fact that even though my life is so much improved; I still have a lot of things to deal with. It's time to acknowledge that I lived in extreme stress, pain, sorrow and anxiety for too many years for the ravages of it to disappear and heal in a few months. I have healed a lot of my inner wounds..and it continues. However, I am so into the way my life is right now..that I want to just shove the rest aside and get on with it. But I can't. It may be why I am stuck. I need to take the time and process this thoroughly as it comes.

I know what to do and that in itself is strengthening and heartening. I just didn't think it would take all this time. *sigh* It is what it is.

I will stay with this, process these emotions. I will think with gratitude for the many blessings of my life. I will settle in my heart with the thought of how it will feel when I finally get settled into whatever form of employment I will be led to do. With passion, creativity and renewed spirit.

So Mote it Be!

Is my path blocked or am I getting in my own way?

Either way I have caused myself to halt in the middle of the road. I am stuck. I don't know why or how but I a few days ago I noticed a shift in my energy patterns. I began to feel some anxiety and worry.

At first I found myself unconsciously attempting to just shove it down and move on. Old habits die hard. But I got a hold of myself and acknowledged that I am in a stuck place. I have no idea what precipitated this. But it is there. Like a huge boulder in my path. I can't detour around it.

Doubt, fear, anxiety and worry make up the texture of this barrier in front of me. As I move closer to it; waves of fear and anxiety move through my body.

The one and only thing I know to do right at this moment is to image the stuck place. Recognize how it feels and how strong it is. Move closer to it and allow the feelings to come..as I observe it as objectively as possible. There is a message here. This spot has a learning potential for me. There is nothing to do but to lean into it, face it down.

Instinctively, in my heart, I know this is the only way I can work through this. To identify barrage of unpleasant feelings and utilize this moment to learn whatever lesson this is teaching me about myself, my life and my direction.

When I image this situation in my mind it appears something like this. I am moving along nicely. I don't know exactly where I am headed but the path I am on seems so correct. There is always some landmark or light that keeps me going in the correct direction. I feel the "rightness" of it..the passion in me strong to keep on. The path takes turns, becomes difficult at times and I have to slow down. Sometimes I can move at a faster pace.

But all of the sudden the light goes out and I can't see. I try to push my way in the dark and I hit a large impediment in the road. I either can't or am unwilling to push past it. Part of me wants to just leave and find a well known road and maybe go around the stuck place. But deep down I know that to do that is to negate what I need to learn, remember or know about this particular cycle of my life travel to growth and expansion.

I need to Accept that I am in a stuck place, Legitimize my feelings about it. Pretending will do no good. I need to get close and lean into it. Reiki myself and meditate to keep my channels open and support myself through these uncomfortable feelings.

While I implement these I will also contemplate all the things I am grateful for. And there is a lot. I will exercise, drink lots of water, eat healthy things and take lots of deep breaths.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Contemplation

I am not at a peak or valley today. I am in a plateau, in between where I have been and where I am headed. I can look behind me and see where I have been. The steps that led me to where I am now are visible. However, I honestly cannot see where I am headed. The path is unclear but I know it's there.

I am in a stopping place, contemplating the many levels of healing and growing that are so important to my being. It is an ongoing process. I have learned a lot about myself the last few months. It's almost been like a crash course. A stark and honest view of myself.

It is easy to see ourselves as very grand or very inferior..but the honest and authentic view is unsettling and humbling. And for me it is the hardest. I am not grand nor am I inferior. I am just what I am.

I am not anything like I perceived myself to be or attempted to present myself to the world as. It's like studying a stranger. I am a being with a physical body who "knows" that my truest connection is beyond this physical plane. Be it my higher consciousness, creator force, God/Goddess. It guides me and helps me keep my heart open. For to me, the heart is the intersection of all levels of life. My heart knows the way. It is the main terminal between this world and beyond. It connects my spiritual, emotional and physical life.

I am more connected with all of my parts than I ever have been. I notice subtle changes in my personality or persona. I am quieter inside and out. I feel less and less of a need to fill up conversations that hint at my imperial wisdom and life expertise. Why? Because it is a facade. Whatever I have learned...whatever hidden wisdom I remembered has taught me to observe and listen more.

In retrospect I can see that conversations usually involve exchanges that are specifically geared to compete. For example, let's say a friend needs to talk about things that are happening to him/her with me. Then for some reason I feel the need to let the person know that my experiences were just as difficult, amazing or tragic. Instead of listening and observing..I take over the whole conversation. For what purpose? Sharing experiences? Maybe. But I think it was some ego ridden desire to reassure myself of something or maybe just not to feel left out. I am not entirely sure what my motivation was. But I don't want to perpetuate my part in these types of competitive exchanges any longer.

It's not right or wrong. It's not a bad thing. But, my Inner Guidance has taught me to stop doing that. If someone feels the urge to speak to me about things that are happening to them I find myself doing more listening and observing. Less cutting in with my own experiences.
I know can see that it is my ego/personality seeking reassurance of validity. I don't need to do that. I am valid. The person speaking to me is valid. The experiences the other person wishes to speak about are valid and do not need competition.

So..yeah..that's one of the subtle changes I have noticed. Another is I don't thrust advice on people unless they specifically request it. I have always been scrupulous about never giving advice that I did not experience and utilize myself first. But I was very free with my opinions and advice even when they were not requested. Again..it isn't wrong or right. It is not a bad thing..it is just not correct for me. Anymore.

I believe it is about being more planted in "the now" Observing and listening to what is happening in my environment.

That's all I have to say for now.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Mountains and The River

Today I went to Sandstone Falls on New River. Describing it would be so difficult simply because it was almost too beautiful to put into words. I say almost because I will try.

It was sunny, very hot and humid. The very air seemed to hold the perfume of the plants and warm dirt mixed with that unique aroma of river water. The sun was bright and all the different shades of green of the lush trees, bushes and plants seemed more vivid. The water rushed through the rocks and and the sound of cascading water of the falls formed a subtle background sound that was exciting and calming at the same time.

I waded (carefully) through the water and rocks to get to the falls. I swam a ways and climbed up on a rock under one of the falls and it was glorious. At this point I remember looking up at the sky and a strange thought came into my head and heart.

I knew in my heart that if I were to leave this earth today..it would be fine because I have been blessed with so many happy days the last few months. So many experiences that I never dreamed I would have. And the pinnacle..to be in that amazing river, surrounded by the mountains with water cascading over me. To look up into the sky and see the vivid blue mixed with perfect white clouds. Breathtaking.

This does not mean that I will never have bad days and stressful times. It means that I have experienced something besides those things. It means that I have opened my heart to notice the beauty of life around me. Sounds corny? Yeah..and its ok..cause it is my truth.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Plants, Spider Bites and Sprucing up

That pretty well sums up what I am up to right now. My muse on the plants is still strangely intact. I am amazed at the way this holds my attention. Everyday I find a plant, use my grandfather's herbal book and identify it. I draw it and contemplate the plant's spirit. I love it!

My daughter came to visit me and we have been doing a lot of clean up. Things that I wanted to do but needed a lot of help with. We cleared out my favorite place at the mouth of my little mountain hollow. It took two days to remove piles of rotted wood and a lot of other debris. We found 4 snakes, 3 salamanders, a black toad and a load of the largest spiders I have seen for a while.

I love spiders and snakes. I don't want them as pets and I don't want to pet them. However; I adopted them years ago as my allies. In fact I have a spider tattooed on my chest and a snake on my back. To remind me the messages of Grandmother Spider and Grandfather Serpent.

Grandfather Serpent reminds of the strength, mystique and protection available in the unseen world. He reminds me that nothing begins in the physical but is manifested. He epitomizes Spiritual protection and wisdom.

Grandmother Spider represents to me the practical wisdom needed to go through this world. Grandmother Spider does not have to chase what she wants. Her web attracts the things she needs. Her web also shows me how this world and everything in it is connected. She is the teacher of practical survival skills for this plane.

I never kill spiders or snakes. But yesterday I either scared or injured one of my Spider sisters because while I was moving rotted wood (that was covered with spiders by the way) one must have got in my shirt and got squished. I got bit. A large angry welp like blister on the right side of my abdomen. It is a bit painful but not as bad as the last one I received.

It reminds me of a time almost 20 years ago that I was bit for the first time. A brown recluse bit the right side of my left breast. I don't know where it came from and I didn't even know what kind bit me until I went to the doctor. By that time I was very ill. It took me weeks to get over that. During the feverish time I had dreams of spiders all the time. And when I recovered I had the spider tattooed over my left breast.

This current bite is most likely from a wolf spider. It is painful but not sloughing or spreading like the brown recluse. It is remaining fairly local. I am giving it Reiki and I applied a plantain poultice to draw out the inflammation.

Another message from Grandmother Spider? Perhaps. I just haven't gotten it yet.

My partner and my daughter also scrubbed the siding on the house and the small wooden deck and stairway leading into my back porch. It looks wonderful

Today we are going to Sandstone Falls for the day. It is beautiful there. Kind of wild but not too hard to get too. I am taking my plant book and camera. I know I will see lots of plants. The vegetation this time of year is so lush. My daughter wants to swim near the falls and use an underwater camera, my partner wants to comb the area for arrowheads and I want to see the plants, smell the aromas of earth meeting water and enjoy the sun.


Speaking of lush...I had a peach tree that was loaded with small but perfect peaches. This week they would have been ripe enough to pick and I was ready. Yesterday morning we discovered there was nothing left except hundreds of peach pits under the tree. The critters stole them. GRRRRR....I don't mind them taking a few but I would have liked to try at least one.

That's the way nature rolls here. And it's all good.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Retrospection and Reconnoiter

I haven't written for a few days. Not because I had nothing to say but because I had so much running through me, it was impossible to sit down and put it into words. I am still a bit hard-pressed to distinguish what is happening to me and describe in mere words.

I went to the Herbal class in Roanoke. It was a mandatory addition to the Healer's Apprenticeship program I am enrolled in. It was a weekend class and I like it a lot and learned much from it. But it didn't stop there and I am not sure why.

(OK..I need to go back in time here a little while I try and find the threads that lead me to where I am now)

Before I moved to West Virginia; my partner and I would spend one of our days off together (usually every two weeks we had days off together) going through the woods behind his dad's house. It was about 100 acres of just woods and grown over fields. I loved it. He would look for arrow heads or metal detect for civil war artifacts. I would smell and feast my eyes on all the different growths and rocks. I would gather interesting things and make little piles here and there. One spot in particular I worked on for over a year. I made strange shapes by twisting roots together. I had bones of animals I found, rocks with quartz, feathers, wild flowers and plants and the "root dolls" I made. I had no idea why I did this..I just found such comfort in this..such delight and pleasure.

For those hours I forgot all the stress and problems of life. I was totally immersed in looking at things and gathering.


When I moved to West Virginia and the initial inner struggle died down. I began to relax into the change of lifestyle, terrain, environment etc...By spring I was drunk with the smell of the new growth and the colors. I was immersed everyday in the glory of nature. I am awed by the natural world. I thought I was before but that was just a taste.


I began to notice everything..including the plants. By color and smell. I grew a few of my own and loved the smell of the dirt and placing the plants in the ground. I loved watching them grow despite my inept thumbs that are not green. In March I found two very old small book on herbs that belonged to my great grandfather, then my grandfather. It was written in 1930 and the pictures are surprisingly good. I been carrying it around here and there trying to identify different plants and weeds.

Ok..now back to the present..

I went to the class because it was mandatory. I was mesmerized by the whole thing. I cannot get it out of my head. I think it was the "Plant Spirit" part that got me. I sat down and with focused contemplation, studied a mullein plant. And the feelings it stirred have not let me go.

I am even more fascinated by the natural world than ever before. I learned about a few plants and I think about them all of the time. I am more aware of all of them. Everyday since I came back I am compelled to pick one plant, identify and draw it every night. I love this but I am also puzzled by it. I can only identify this as some type of obsession. But its a good one so I won't fight it.

Along with this I have also had another deep pulling inside me that has come to the forefront.

I began this approximately 7 days ago. And it involves communicating with my body. It's as though I came to a pinnacle of consciously communicating with my "ego/personality linked to my emotions" and now the focus is my body. The night my focus switched I wrote about 8 pages of things my guidance was pointing out.

So the good news is I don't go around talking to my ego/personality/emotions for now. Now I discuss things with my body. And that is a subject all in itself..that I will address later. But right now...I just wanted to touch base with myself about what is happening right now. The plants and my body. That is the focus for now..


Here is a picture of a Burdock plant. I am searching for one on my property to replant near my house. So far I haven't been able to find a Mullein or Burdock but I will keep looking. I have some red clover and dandelions nearby along with plantain. So that is good!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Am I following my "Inner Guidance" or am I schizophrenic?

My inner workings have taken a turn that was, at first, subtle. Now I realize it is turning into a major shift. I have finally see how much power my ego/personality have over my emotions. I knew before in a peripheral kind of way. But now I KNOW.

I can see how my conscious mind is so focused on this physical plane and totally preconditioned to adopt and adapt to a collective socially constructed reality. My ego and personality are geared towards satisfying the illusionary need to agree and become part of this socially constructed reality. This allows me to experience a sensation of acceptance in the "Big Illusion". It is false for me..and it never worked. I now see why.

My Guidance has also shown me it is not about obliterating my ego and personality. The idea is to know the power they have over my emotions. Their purpose is to help guide my human consciousness that is focused on the the "physical plane of social reality". Without training they take on a life of their own. My Guidance is helping me train mine. Train them gently and with kindness. To gradually pull them closer to my Inner Self or Higher consciousness. Where all of my parts become whole. Working in unison to further my inner growth and expansion. To loosen the hold my ego has over my emotions and free myself to "Be" my most authentic self.

There is an old story about each person having two wolves fighting inside us. The one we feed is the one that is more dominant and leads us. I want the wolf I feed to be the one that is connected to my Guides and higher consciousness. For there is my truth, my path, my freedom.
A true state of Acceptance. At least this is my truth. I certainly do not think that it has to be the truth for everyone.

I am now mindfully observing my thoughts, reactions and responses to stimuli. And when I catch thoughts becoming derogatory of myself or others..if I start feeling that when something goes wrong it is a punishment for being dumb..etc...I image myself hugging my ego/personality and emotions and asking them to calm down and let's see what happens before they rear up. I ask them to quiet down. And it is working. I don't have it mastered..by any means. But my awareness and my method has lessened the instances of the occurrences and the degree of tenacity at which they usually hold me has decreased. I can get past it...calm myself down inside and work things out within me in a much calmer manner.

Sooo..my ego/personality came up with a new tactic. I caught myself mentally (never out loud)
asking my emotions to calm down while I observed the big picture. I assured my emotions and my ego we would all be fine. The next thing I know I have this thought..that involved the word, schizophrenia.

Hmmmm...that hit home. It got me. My partner was sleeping (he works nights) and I ran into our bedroom and woke him up. I said," Simon, do you think I could be schizophrenic?" After he remembered where he was; he sat up and said, "No, sweetie, just a little eccentric at times, and you are so nice. You wouldn't hurt anyone."

OK that didn't help much. So I asked my emotions and ego to calm down and my thoughts quieted..the wave of fear and shame calmed down. I meditated and prayed for quite a while and I did feel much better. It may not be the way of anyone else to do this but it is working for me. I felt strengthened. I am living under Guidance. I have changed my whole life because of the faith I have in my Inner Guidance/God/Goddess/Source/Divine Mother/Divine Father.

I came on my blog to write this. (Facing down the residual emotions of shame and fear at being considered eccentric but not dangerous..omg.)

I wanted some music and got on youtube to activate my playlist. And I found this song that kind of popped up randomly. I played it and oh..it was like an answer to my prayer. I am so thankful I found it and I am thankful I have this opportunity for inner growth, expansion and deepening faith. I am thankful for this Magnificent Presence in my life. And it's ok if anyone thinks I am crazy. I know The Presence hears me. And that's what matters to me..in my truest Being.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Value of Sounds and How sound affects me now

For some reason the last few weeks I have become more aware of how sound affects me. I can't explain it well. I just know that I have immersed myself in listening to different sounds. I have such a wealth of opportunity for sound sampling on the net.

I have literally bombarded my Facebook with Youtube clips of sound. And I put a few on here that I was drawn to the most. It's almost like I am trying to find a sound that is similar to the ones I hear somewhere inside of me, around me when I am in a deep meditation.

First I hear air rushing around me. Then it turns into a buzzing ..like cicadas or bees. I was pretty familiar with that for years. Now it moves from the buzzing to a sort of sound pulsation. And if I stay in the state any longer the pulsations run together and it sounds like music. I can feel the pulsations in all the chakras and it swirls the energy around these energy centers.

A couple of days ago I was outside cleaning up an area near my wee garden. I was so immersed in what I was doing that I started to hear the musical like pulsations. And when I feel/hear this it makes my body feel like it is in a meditative state and energy rushes through me.

Later I told my partner that I thought I heard the trees singing. He made a funny face but was very kind. I mean he didn't call me crazy or anything.

I have always loved music and maybe this is an extension of it? I have no idea but I love the vibration pulsations and the lift of energy throughout my body.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Life is an Adventure, Not a Prison Sentence

I remind myself of this frequently even though, intellectually, I know this. I sometimes lose sight of that internally. When rhythm becomes routine and then descends down to a "by rote" rut; I need to get a hold of myself and take a look around.

I seem to trap myself in the spirit of : I have to get this done or my life won't be very good.

I suspect it is what happens when I become distracted from the "Now" and let my emotion/personality/ego take over while I mull over the thoughts they bring to my mind. UGH Don't get me wrong...the emotion/ego/personality trio are helpful and necessary in this physical plane. It's not about ridding myself of them. It is about training them to work with the totality of me..my higher self, my will. Not take over and rule my reactions and responses to things.

I am kind of in spinning mode today. I don't exactly know how to describe it any better except it is a spinning sensation in my energy centers. And there is a lot of heat moving up my spine up to the back of my neck. The place of my kundalini.

I have felt it rise at different times. But usually when I was doing a meditation ,giving Reiki, or working on journeying with my power animal. I have never felt it rise at a seemingly random time. I feel fine..no headaches..my body aches but that is because I upped the resistance on my stationary bike for uphill. I am spinning inside with heat moving up my back. I feel fine..I am just kind of amazed.

So I want to consciously view everyday as an opportunity for growth and learning no matter what I am doing.

I want to live as though every day is an adventure. No matter what I am doing or where I am going. I want to view everyday as a blessing of learning and acquiring more wisdom. Of becoming stronger and more deeply entwined in my relationship with Creator/Spirit/God/Goddess/Divine Mother/Father God/The Source.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hmmm...I am really into sounds right now.

For the last two weeks I find myself being drawn more and more into different sounds. I have ALWAYS loved all kinds of music..but now it is particular sounds I am resonating with. Another song by Elijah and the Band of lights was recommended to me by the person who gave me a really amazing intuitive reading. I was looking them up on youtube because I have never heard of them but really resonated to the sounds they make.


I am totally drawn to this one If anyone out there is reading this. Try it..it is unique and uplifting in it's own simple but effective way.

I also have a link to the lady who did my intuitive reading, Isis Awakens. I never had one before but my Guidance found her and chose her to do it. She is genuine, totally without guise and is very gifted in this area.


Monday, July 4, 2011

Peaceful sounds and sights




Amen

Fourth of July

I woke up this morning to a hot yet beautiful day. I have no plans for today. Simon is sleeping and will have to go to back to work when he wakes up.

I thought about going to a festival not too far away..or fireworks. But I really don't have the internal desire to do this. I honestly don't mind staying home.

I am involved in a lot of spiritual/emotional/mental and physical work. It's like all the years I have striven to be my most authentic self on all levels in wholeness has brought me to this place.
All the years I have followed my Guidance and tried utilizing my knowledge transmuting it to wisdom..brought me to another challenge.

It is like graduating from college with a BS...and then being whisked to an isolated place to do a crash course for a PhD. It's almost overwhelming at times..and half the time I don't even know what is happening to me. I have had to rearrange and discard so much of my inner life, attitudes, perceptions and ideas.





However, I keep following the thread inside me..my heart knows the way and I will follow that and my Guidance no matter what. I won't stop now. I will learn about myself..clear myself out and be my MOST authentic self. The ties of ego based emotions are strong and very difficult to let go of. But I am having success with it..painful as it is at times, and I will not stop until my Guidance tells me to.

I found this interesting summary while surfing the net. It struck me as if it was a board that I stepped on and it smacked me in the face.

Let me very specific about what you are about to read. I did not write this and do not claim it as my writing. I found this article and I am merely passing it on. Not trying to violate anyone's copyright or take credit for something I did not write. Ok? Just figured I would add this since I don't know how these things work.



The Shaumbra Symptoms
Twelve Signs Of Your Awakening Divinity
By Geoffrey Hoppe and Tobias
For those of you that may be unfamiliar with Geoff and Tobias, Shaumbra refers to lightworkers that currently reside and work on our planet. Shaumbra includes everyone that is making a conscious choice to follow our spiritual path and be a light in the world. Shaumbra is family.

"Here are 12 signs of awakening awareness.

Body aches and pains, especially in the neck, shoulders and back. This is the result of the intense changes at your DNA level as the "Christ Seed" awakens within you.

Feelings of deep inner sadness for no apparent reason. You are releasing your past (from this lifetime and others) and this causes the feeling of sadness. This is similar to the experience of moving from a house where you lived for many years and into a new house. As much as you want to move into the new house, there is sadness of leaving behind the memories, energy and experiences of the old house.

Crying for no apparent reason. It's good and healthy to let the tears flow. It helps to release the old energy within.

Sudden changes in job or career. A very common symptom. As you change, things around you will change as well. Don't worry about finding the perfect job or career right now. You're in transition and you may make several job changes before you settle into one that fits your passion.

Withdrawal from family relationships. You are connected to your biological family via old karma. When you get off that karmic cycle, the bonds of the old relationships are released. It will appear as though you are drifting away from your family and friends. After a period of time, you may develop a new relationship with them if it is appropriate. But the relationship will be based in the new energy without the karmic attachments.

Unusual sleep patterns. It's likely that you may wake up between 2-4AM. There is a lot of work going on within you and you may often "wake up" for a "breather.
"
Intense dreams. These might include war and battle dreams, chase dreams or monster dreams. You are literally releasing the old energy within, and these energies of the past are often symbolized as wars, running to escape or the boogieman.

Physical disorientation. At times, you will feel very ungrounded. As your consciousness transitions into the new energy, your body sometimes lags behind. Spending more time in nature may help balance and reground the new energy within.

Increased "self talk." You'll find yourself talking to yourself more often. (No you are not crazy ) There is a new level of communication taking place within your being, and you're experiencing the tip of the iceberg with the self talk. The conversations will increase, and they will become more fluid, coherent and insightful. You are simply moving into new energy.

Feelings of loneliness, even when in the company of others. You may feel alone and removed from others. You may feel the desire to flee groups or crowds. The feelings of loneliness are also associated with the fact that your guides have departed. It is time for them to step back so you can fill your space with your own divinity. The void will then be filled with the love and energy of your own Christ consciousness.

Loss of passion. This is not limited to sexual passion. You may feel totally disimpassioned, or have little or no desire to do anything at all. It's just a part of the process. Take this time to do nothing and don't try to fight it. It's possible you need to shut down for a brief period in order to load new software, which is in this case, the new Christ Seed energy.

A deep longing to go Home. You may experience a deep and overwhelming desire to leave the planet and return Home. This is not a "suicidal" feeling. It is not based on anger or frustration. You don't want to make a big deal of it or cause drama to yourself or others. There is simply a quiet part of you that wants to go Home. The root cause for this is quite simple. You have completed your karmic cycles. You have completed your contract for this lifetime. You are ready to begin a new lifetime while still in this physical body. During this transition process, you have an inner remembrance of what it is like to be on the other side. You could go Home right now, but you've come so far, after many, many lifetimes and it would be a shame to leave before the end of the movie. Besides, Spirit needs you here to help others transition into the new energy. They will need a human guide who has taken the journey from the old energy into the new. The path that you are walking right now provides the experiences to enable you to become a Teacher of the New Divine Human. As lonely and dark as your journey can be at times, remember that you are never alone."

Copyright 2001 by Geoffrey Hoppe, Golden, CO.
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Now I don't have all of these at this moment. Many of these signs I had while in the many life transitions I have experienced.

As I began aiming myself to actively moving myself from my job and my home in Virginia the cycle of the above began again. Right now I feel so many of these simultaneously. I am relieved to find this. The difference about this time..are the things described above are more intense, coming faster and are happening simultaneously.

I will mull this over. I am going to cut the yard now..And later I will consult with someone my Guides chose. Which they have never done before. I was always supposed to just "Be"..flow with it like water..understanding is mind candy and inner knowing is the key. That has always been my inner response to things that happen without warning or explanation. But this time is different. Do I make sense in any of this? Probably not.

Here is what I know. I feel as if the remaining socially constructed reality preconditioning in me is being washed out and put through a wringer.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

A set of great meditation videos

One of my sister/best friends, Denera, told me about this great series of Chakra Meditation
Videos. She was right. I very rarely use any type of meditation videos..but I found one a few days ago I thought was really excellent..and now these. I tried them all out.

This series is called,"Inner Workout" by Shirley Maclaine. I am a seriously huge fan of Shirley Mclaine and I was delighted and amazed to watch these. They are awesome, easy to follow and very effective. The videos come in four parts and it is best to do them in numerical sequence.

It's not about finding "the one and only and best" way to meditate. It's about finding a method or practice that works for you. And these videos give some good yet simple ideas. I have found after many many years of meditating..the simplest methods can lead to the most profound meditations. The simple effective methods are the ones we will use daily. (Or sometimes more than once a day..I am a meditation addict)

So Thank you, Denera for bringing this to my attention!











Enjoy and feel free to comment with questions or share a meditation experience.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Sometimes it is painful

Inner healing is a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day process. There are no quick fixes that cause to you wake up one day totally healed and whole..unburdened of collected garbage and baggage. Step by Step I have finally come to a place where I know I have progressed.

However, sometimes it is a painful process. Today was one of those days. As I work to clean up my emotional storage room I hit difficult areas. An area with trash piled on top to hide the mess underneath because it is so painful to look at or think about . But today I had to face down one of those areas. It had to be done. You cannot clean a messy room piled with junk without sorting through the junk to discard the trash.

I stumbled into a corner that was surprisingly hurtful. I acknowledged it and made several attempts to let it go but it was like sludge that dries and sticks to the floor. I gave the area that hurt Reiki, and continued as it loosened and began to flow out of me. I did an aura cleansing while it continued all the while sobbing uncontrollably. The heavy hurtful bruised feeling got stuck in my heart center. It took most of the day to get it to move out of my heart center and finally out of my crown. I asked my Guides for help, of course.

During the process of getting it unstuck from my heart...My Guidance told me I had to forgive the person...acknowledge the things in that person that I disliked so intensely and was so hurt by were things that I do not like in myself. They wanted me to contemplate that behaviors are triggered by the kind of mess I am trying to clean up. And we are all connected no matter how much the human condition leads us to believe we are separate. To hate someone..to be so hurt and upset by her..is to hate and be hurt by myself. I never could get this part til now.

I gave Reiki to the situation and person that stood out among this mess in my emotional storage room. I forgave her and the situation. I acknowledged our connection. I acknowledged that only by holding on to this without letting it go in forgiveness gives it power over me. I allowed it.
I am finally getting it.

It took me almost all day for this. There was no hiding it..it was what it was. Me being totally emotional. Simon was supportive in his funny way. He thought I was upset because he didn't like my cabbage rolls very much. HAHA! I wouldn't cry over that. I made them cause I was hungry for them. I didn't go into details but I just told him I was having an emotional day..and sometimes I needed to cry. He held me, made faces and pretended to cry with me. That made me bust out laughing..while I was still crying. It was sooo damned wierd..but ok.

He was just relieved it wasn't anything to do with him. I told him no..I was very happy with him..(this while I am trying to control heaving sobs..haha). He said, You are a weirdo, that's why I am crazy about you." Thats good!

He went to work, I pulled myself together and went to the store. I am making Shrimp and Grits for dinner tomorrow and needed a couple of things. Then I had to get gas for my lawn tractors.
While at the gas station I met a woman who was walking around with her large red Macaw on her shoulder. He was 16 years old and his name was Red. What a cutie.

I went home and unloaded my stuff. Then it was time to water my wee garden spot. I got my helper, Evie (the dog) and my water buckets and away we went. While I was watering my plants I tripped and fell. I am talking airborne here. It was hilarious. I scared my dog and my cats but I was fine. It seemed to shake the residual heaviness out of me. I am sore but it actually felt as if something in me was relieved when I fell. I know that sounds strange but it's true.

Well..I am sure I have more garbage to sort. I am getting down to the deep and nasty stuff. Stuff that hasn't been acknowledged for years and years. But I have the tools and the total desire to be free of it. To be clear and authentic. To know myself and love myself. For my mind, body, spirit and emotions to work together as a whole.

Synchronicity! Yay!

"Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner."

I so very much believe in synchronicity. To the point that I don't have faith in the concept of luck or coincidence. And I saw it blatantly in action this morning.

I will give a bit of background in case someone out there is reading this so it will make some kind of sense. My partner has enjoyed a Life Long passion for finding things..artifacts. Since I met him some of our most wonderful excursions are trampling through woods looking for arrowheads or civil war bullets. He has so many things he has found and he treasures them as much as he treasures me.

The monetary value really doesn't come in to play with his finds..discovery of these things sparks something inside of him. He holds these relics like they are part of his body.

We moved to West Virginia. He found a job almost immediately doing something totally different than ever before..on a shift that he has never worked and receiving half of what he used to earn in Virginia. His job entails driving up mountains that are nearly impassable, working for 12-16 hour shifts 5-6 days a week at night. And he loves it and he is thriving with it. In fact he loves it so much that he was called in to work last night, unexpectedly at a site he had never been and would probably never go again. It was his night off. He went reluctantly because they were desperate ..but wait..something profound happened.

He met a new co-worker this morning at the site he was sent to. Simon began talking about his biggest passion (after me, of course) and the guy opened his car and handed Simon a book that he wrote on collecting artifacts. The guy is an expert. Simon was in absolute heaven to talk to a kindred relic hunting spirit.

The guy literally floated home this morning..he was ecstatic as he woke me up to tell me about it. And after relaying this amazing experience he got quiet and then said,"And to think if I had said no, I would maybe have never met this guy." Synchronicity at its best!