Thursday, June 30, 2011

Living Well: benefits of Reiki

Living Well: benefits of Reiki




I found this little video and wanted to share it. I am so excited when I find something in the mainstream media about Reiki. I wasn't able to embed it..I am not that savvy. Click the title at the top of this page. It will take you right there.

Subdued Day for Me

I am somewhat subdued today.  Not sad or depressed.  Just quiet with a slight displaced sensation in my solar plexus.

It is a beautiful day and usually I am out of the house most of the day but not today.  I haven't done very many physical type activities.  Which is kind of strange for me.  Something in me is telling me to be still.  Whenever I get the urge to break out and start tearing part of the house apart cleaning or go pull up some weeds or do some more work on cleaning out the garage..I get this distinct message.  "Be Still"  So I am.  It's hard cause my thoughts of ego/personality are telling me.."get up you lazy turd, the suns out and there is work to do."  But since I am now my own best friend and quietly and gently urge my thoughts and impulses to quiet down.

I would say it was a reflective day or thoughtful day but I would be lying.  I am not really thinking or reflecting..at least not consciously.  I just am here today.  I am in the moment ...in the Now.  I am not even working on my Healer Apprenticeship homework.

I tried out the meditation video I placed on my blog yesterday.   I really like it.  But like anything you read or see..take what you need and let the rest go.  You don't have to believe or agree with everything in order to gain tidbits of knowledge and triggers that help.

I meditate so many ways.  But I did start out very simply ..by just sitting quietly and breathing.  I adapted new parts along the way and different methods for different things.   But this method shown in the video is very good.  In fact...I am going to use the rest of my quiet day to meditate even more.

That's one impulse I sensed wholehearted agreement about from my Guidance.  Meditate and give my Aura a good cleaning.  Maybe a little Reiki.  That will be the rest of my day.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A really good mediation video.

I found this incredibly good video about meditation on a forum I belong to called, "Temple Illuminatus".  It is simple and easy to understand.  I learned to meditate kind of by accident (synchronicity or serendipity) and my method was similar.

But this video explains it so well.  I had to share it  because I recommend meditation for everyone.  It is a practice that is so necessary to me and has been for years...it helps on so many levels for so many things.
If you only meditate once a week or every other day the positive effects become subtly  evident in the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects  of your life.  Whatever method you are comfortable with  will work.(it doesn't have to be this method) I highly recommend giving it a try.

OMG I had another big realization

This focus on my projection patterns somehow brought up the issue of going back to nursing ..the way I was practicing before.  It just isn't going to work.  It gives me a sick feeling in my lower centers with a simultaneous sensation of relief in my heart.

As I have stated before, I love patient care.  I love working with families and I am very good at it.  But the rest; it is impossible to do and I realize it has literally taken chunks out of my inner self.  The huge patient load..30 to 35...The huge amount of medications to administer at certain times.

During medication passes newly prescribed drugs were frequently not delivered at the time needed.  That is unacceptable and I had to stop my medication pass and call the pharmacy and negotiate the fastest delivery.


That is not the worst.  The documentation demands are immense and dangerous.  If you don't document enough you increase your legal liability.  If something goes wrong with a patient and you don't document correctly you can lose your license, be sued or go to jail.

If a patient becomes acutely ill, you have to stop your medication pass and other duties immediately and tend to this.  If it takes a long time and usually it does...you get behind in your medication pass or treatments and you can get written up for untimely and incorrect medication administration.  It is literally a medication error..times however many patients got their medication late because of the emergency.

The issue of being responsible for the narcotic drugs is one I take seriously and scrupulously.  I am an advocate for frequent and random drug testing for nurses.  But very few facilities ever practiced it UNLESS..drugs came up missing or the count was way off.  And then every nurse who touched those keys in  the previous 24 hours had to immediately show up (if they were off duty) or stop working and submit to drug testing.   Until the results come back, we are all suspect and treated accordingly.  It is so insulting to my spirit.  I realize it is necessary but I do believe these types of events could be greatly diminished if drug testing was mandatory and frequent as a routine.

The nursing  meeting were usually opportunities to bring down more mandates for more responsibilities, along with threats if they were not met.   Also were discussions and complaints about how we were not doing enough.

My favorite exploitation was at the end of the shift...when I was avid and desperate to get out of there and at the last minute I would be told I had to stay.  Indefinitely.  The nurse taking over was not showing up and I would be there until they got a replacement.   This happened so many times.  It would make me want to collapse.  But I did it.  As long as I needed to.  Sometimes for another whole shift.

Sometimes I got the feeling that we were so necessary that in order to control the situation, supervisors had to emphasis how expendable staff nurses are.  Maybe I am projecting my own sense of frustration and futility with my profession.  But this is how I perceived things.

I have taken supervisory positions and it didn't work for me.  I was bombarded with calls nonstop and I had to be able to appear in the facility at a moment's notice.  No excuses..I had to be there.  It wasn't for me..I decided to stick with staff positions.  So I could at least have a better chance of getting home at night and not being overwhelmed with phone calls.

I have been blessed in my career so much.  It's like there was always an angel or something watching over me.  I was always able to handle any issue that came up, my documentation was very very good and I was able to watch my back.  I have worked with some really nasty backbiting characters but to be honest..most of the nurses I have worked with were honest, hard working, helpful.  And that makes all the difference.

The days go fast and sometimes you feel like you accomplished a great deal or touched someone's life in a very meaningful way.  But to be honest;  at the end of my shift  I was usually very  exhausted and stressed from the pace and the immense challenges of the day.  There were so many days that I literally couldn't talk or put a sentence together.  Sometimes I would just cry all the way home.  I would go home and try and pull myself together for another day.

I did this for many many years and I not only survived, I excelled.  But I realized last night that I can no longer do this.  Not the way I have practiced.  The price is too great.

Nursing is such a noble profession...I am so admiring and respectful of all my fellow nurses.  It is a necessary and wonderful service nurses provide...but the demands of it are too much for my psyche now.

And so it appears that I have not only left Virginia but maybe my career.  I kind of had an idea about this and that is why I promised myself that I would only work at nursing part time...Now I am rethinking this.  I don't think this type of nursing is acceptable to my spirit for even two or three days a week.

I will take what I love about it.  Patient care and working with families.  This I love.  I am very good with helping families through catastrophic medical and emotional situations.  I have been there and I know how they feel.  I am supportive and sincere.   I am very good with patients.  I truly care about uplifting the wellbeing of someone suffering an illness.  To help them improve and become well or support  with  dignity and comfort when it is their time to die.  I am tireless and totally focused on this endeavor.  But the rest...no!

So I will work with these attributes as I stumble in this, my new life.  Healing is definitely my focus.  I will, with the help of my Guidance, find a way to make a career at what I am passionate about.  I am learning to know myself in a deeper way and love myself.

This is where I am right now.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Doing homework about positive and negative projection patterns

I may have mentioned this before; but I will reiterate.  I am involved in a Healer's Apprenticeship Program under the enlightened and excellent  direction of Lynn Boggess in Roanoke, Virginia.  My Guidance found and chose this wonderful woman and her school  a few years ago.  It appeared to be quite random but it wasn't.  Luck and randomness come under the heading of "synchronicity and serendipity" in my world.  Anyway, how and why I found this school is another story for another day.  Suffice to say I am very thankful my Guidance led me there.

This particular program has five parts as well as  other mandatory classes on Herbs and Shamanism.   All the students are Reiki Master/Teachers.  There are 27 of us.

The program requires extensive written assignments.   Half of the assigned work pertains to our internal concepts and workings.  The rest involves detailed accounts of our practical and hands on work.  Joint cleansings with conscious projections, cord healing, removal and replacements, conscious projections into animals, plants, trees etc.   Along with the case accounts of our basic Reiki treatments.

I am currently working on the part about positive and negative projection patterns.  It has really got me thinking.  Which is the point to any type of homework...but still, conscious awareness to my own particular patterns is eye opening.  First of all, I can see that I have made a lot of progress with my own projection patterns.  My inner workings have evolved enough that I can see that what used to be negative projections from me are gone.

I still have some situations in which I stubbornly continue to project myself negatively but knowing and acknowledging it are like having keys to unlock the cell.  Once you figure out how to utilize the key then you can free yourself from the restrictions imposed by "incorrect" and unhealthy projection patterns.  (I hesitate to use the word negative or dark all the time when speaking of something less than wholesome.   It gives it a label of something bad which  negative and dark are not always incorrect)

I realize that one of my largest obstacles represented by my "negative" projection patterns is my almost apologetic and shamed feeling about not having a job.  I notice when I am with other people and they ask me what I do...and I say I am don't have a job yet,  I feel a strange mixture that is both defensive and apologetic.

I project my own misgivings, anxiety and yes, even shame at my lack of a job.  I am projecting disapproval of myself and then I feel others are disapproving of me because I am not working.  Then I imagine I feel suspicion from them..about why a nurse doesn't have a job when there is such a shortage.  Then I feel this anxious urge to go on about all the job offers I have had but they only want full time..and I am only going to work part time..yada yada...then I imagine they think I am a lazy person.  *sighs*  This is so embarrassing to admit.  I struggle with this constantly.  By the time I get done with all of my incorrect and unhealthy projections ..my "ego" defensively feels like others think I am the village idiot or something. This is ridiculous..And because I project this...others are unsure how to take me.   Then I make amazingly boorish remarks about being a "kept woman".

Hello!  This time is a gift!  What doesn't my ego/personality (dark side) get about this?

And yet, on the other hand,  this is the most blessed time I can remember since my children were born.   I was guided to do this and I am clearly on a path that is leading away from the things I used to do.
I have time to do and enjoy basic and simple things I never had the opportunity to experience before except in short bursts occasionally.  I have met people in the past in similar circumstances and I was joyous for them..it never crossed my mind to think of them as lazy.  I thought of them as clever, fortunate, inspiring and courageous.  For all I know that is what people think of my life.  My life could possibly be an inspiration to someone that feels a need to find their own authentic self and life.  While I imagine they are thinking I am shameful and lazy because of my unhealthy projection.

I am going to try and work through this negative pattern.   I want to project what my heart and inner self knows without a doubt.   I know this is what I am meant to do right now.   This homework has brought this issue to the forefront.  I will stop resisting how I feel ..and acknowledge it.  I will be my best friend and view this with compassion and gently move my conscious projection to one of serenity, joy and celebration of this time of my life.  For that is how I feel deep inside.

I can't overcome it by resisiting, for that.that makes it stronger.  However; I can  gently break it down with constant reminders of the importance of this time....of the need for healing and what I have lived and grown through.  I will grow through this.

I promised myself that from now on when someone asks what I do I am going to 1) immediately put my attention on my projection of self...and remind myself that this is a glorious time.  2)  I am going to simply state I am in a career and life transition and leave it at that.  3) If I feel myself sinking back to suspecting the other person thinks me lazy etc...I will remind myself that it is my own anxiety causing this feeling not the other person's opinion of me. 4) use the tools I have for improving and healing my emotional state on this issue..through  Reiki, meditation,etc..

I will adjust this challenge as necessary.  But I have identified a unhealthy situation and developed a plan of action.   That is good.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Importance of Loving Myself as a Primary Goal

I can see more clearly all the time the absolute importance of loving myself.  I also believe it to be one of the most difficult things to do.  Some of it is my preconditioning.

We live in a society that encourages self denigration.  Not intentionally but that is the way it plays out.  The human condition that is focused totally in this physical plane did its best to make up its own rules to dispel fear and  promote stability and structure. In reality; it caused people to settle their thinking into collective societal groups that perceive value using very shallow criteria.  

In my own personal life I make goals..short term and long term.  Most of them I have met..sometimes after years..It's a struggle sometimes because  the most formidable obstacle I have found was myself.  I get in my own way. 

I have to come realize that Loving Myself has got to be my primary goal.  Unconditional acceptance and love.  Only by loving myself can I interrupt the obstacles I throw in my own way via ego, emotions, preconditioned concepts of reality and most of all Fear.   

No matter what I am trying to accomplish I have to overcome myself first.  Since making Loving myself a primary goal I find that I am working with myself more instead of feeling so scattered and fighting with myself.  

If this sounds confusing..it is what it is.  Me trying to put something into words that is way beyond mere words.  

Love myself, accept myself, Live in the Now, choose to be happy and love life. (meaning have fun doing things I love)   To reach beyond what is considered desirable and acceptable in collective societal perception to a place beyond this physical plane and perceive myself as I truly am.   To manifest my most authentic self.

According to my Inner Guidance, if I make this my primary goal the rest will follow.  The flow will be unstoppable.   I have already noticed that the more I love myself, the more love I have for others.  It flows without judgement or reservation.   I am learning to truly love more unconditionally.  I sense a flow of love   from a place that has nothing to do  my expectations, fears,  fantasies or insecurities.  It is setting me free little by little.   


Hmmm...I think this goes back to the Acceptance thing..

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Still Immersed in Reiki

I continue to work with Reiki constantly.  I mean constantly!  I have for quite a few days.  And some very interesting things are starting to happen.  I tentatively planned my day and not one minute of it is as I planned.  And that's ok.  Because I chose to live "under Guidance" ..totally for this time period.

I am playing it by ear and diligently working through my anxieties.  Which are significant only because they represent my inner workings not the conditions of my life.  The conditions and environment of my physical life are excellent.  I am in a good place in all ways.  But it is so different than anything I knew ..well it proves that even good things can cause anxiety.

Today my meditation and continued Reiki led me to take a few more steps of giving up my old life..and embracing my new life.  It was difficult..because quite frankly, my life in Virginia for the past 6 years were pretty damned good.  I have great friends there, a huge metaphysical network..etc.. I wasn't running away from a condition, bad love affair, catastrophe..no..I wasn't running away I was running to something.  I was coming to a new level of living..And it will not be a copy of the one I was living in Va...it will be totally different.

And I have faith it will be even better than anything I could imagine.   If I could just get a clearer picture of what I am meant to do.  But I know that will come..my task now is to "be"..to flow, center and balance in a deeper way than ever before.  On my own, without my network, contacts or friends.   I have my partner with me and that is wonderful.  And my dog, Evie.  Who is exhibiting a transformation of her own.

My wild, mule headed little lab/border collie girl has settled down into a dog I don't even recognize.  She is calmer, she obeys me all the time, I can walk her easily with a regular leash or without..she stays right with me.   Best of all she is gloriously happy.

So...my plan is continue stepping up the meditation and Reiki...and be open to what comes.   To know I am in the correct place at the correct time.  To acknowledge that I will NOT be recreating my life in Virginia here in West Virginia.   It's a new page..a new chapter of being, knowing, growing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Immersed in Reiki

I have practiced Reiki for quite a few years and still I am amazed by the power and feeling of Reiki.  Since I have been on my "Sabbatical"  I routinely give myself Reiki at least once and sometimes several times a day, along with daily meditation time.

Last night I began scanning my aura with my non dominant hand above my body.  This is called, "Byosen scanning".  I find I use it more and more.   I scan auras a little differently, usually but more and more I have been practicing this method and I am finding it more and more compatible to my purpose and intent of Reiki treatment.

As I said I was utilizing this method last night and I sensed a real strange tingling cold sensation between my first root chakra (located at the base of the spine) and the second chakra (located two inches or so below the navel).

I engaged the Reiki symbols I chose for this area and held my hands above the area..I could feel it in my aura so strong.  Stronger than if I had laid my hands against my skin.   I could sense my Guidance urging me on so I kept with it..first to my aura and then laying my hands directly on my body in this area.

It was intense.  I felt some discomfort  and then I had the sensation of a popping inside me.   Then a rush of energy burst through me.  I circulated and processed it and it finally calmed down. My windows were making sharp pinging noises the energy was so intense.  I don't remember my dreams but before I slept I remember having flashes of places and people..but now I can't call it up or identify the places or people I saw.

 I followed up this morning with another treatment to that area.  The area itself feels a little sore but relieved.  Relief from what I have no idea.  I didn't even know there was such a blockage there.

I think it is safe to say I am immersed in Reiki at this time.   Among other things.  I think what I am really immersed in is Wholeness...the intent to be whole.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Nothing is Impossible, The Possibilities are Endless

This is another little gem, courtesy of my "Guidance" from way back in the days when I was first discovering my ability to sense and move energy in my auric field.  Of course, I didn't know anything about auras per say except that I could almost always see a hazy egg shaped shimmer of subtle color around people.

I had no idea what it was called.  It wasn't until about 15 years ago that I learned the label for what I was seeing.
Anyway back to my initial train of thought.  I was amazed at how it felt to circulate energy through my body and around me.  I remember distinctly thinking, "This can't be possible, I must be crazy."  And that is when I got those words,"  Nothing is Impossible and The Possibilities are Endless."   I was stunned by this, too.  I couldn't get over it.  I mulled it over and over.  Later that night after I put the kids to bed and my husband (who was still alive at the time)  went to sleep.  I began meditating on the words.  I must have fell asleep because I found myself in a dream listening to a woman named Elena explain to me why the concept my Guidance gave me sounded so outlandish to me.

She told me about how my conscious mind was focused on the physical realm and therefore subject to the limitations collectively agreed upon by the human condition.  In other words, I saw what I was preconditioned to accept as reality.  I believed what was acceptable reality in this physical realm.  Even though I was having experiences and knew things that were not within the parameters of preconditioned reality thinking.

For the next few weeks I had more dreams of Elena talking to me.  She told me more about preconditioned thought patterns and the limitations we place on things by naming and labeling them.   She told me about the heart being the intersection between the physical and beyond the physical world.   That my weaknesses here were actually my greatest strength. That understanding was "candy" for the conscious mind...that "Knowing" was the thing to hold on to.   Mathematics was a universal language, Being was the ultimate verb and noun. To do without doing and know without understanding why.  (I still have a problem with this one.)   She told me so many things in those weeks and then she went away.

But I never forgot those intense talks that she gave me in my dreams those weeks so long ago.  Elena has come back from time to time.  Not frequently but always with something to say that I never forget.  Something so simple yet has such impact on my thinking and my being.

Today I was outside standing on my little bridge looking down into the hollow at the field that runs to the foot of the mountain.  It was so beautiful with the sun's rays beaming through the lush green foliage of the trees.  As I stood there admiring the view I couldn't help thinking about where I was headed, what direction my life would take.   And those words came back to me.."Nothing is impossible and the possibilities are endless."

Monday, June 13, 2011

When it's all said and done

I have been kind of occupied with this nasty cold for a few days.  It kicked my behind out from underneath me so  my "Inner Guidance"  had my full undivided attention. I had no strength to do anything but lay around.


 At times it was like a  "Three Stooges" movie going on in my head...but I now have ways to calm that mess down.  Thanks BE!

During this time I had no unearthly visions or intense channeling.  No...not this time.  What I had was a clear message.  It was short, sweet and to the point.   Choose to be happy.

Yeah, that's it.  Choose to be happy.  The weird thing is ..when I say it to myself, "I choose to be happy", it does automatically raise my energy...get it lowing and the vibration intensifies.  Hmmmm...I will see where this goes.

I actually had this happen one other time before.  Many years ago when I was in a pit so far down I could not see daylight.  Pain, sorrow and misery were my constant companions.  Only meditation/prayer, Reiki and my kids and my sister got me through.  I remember one night so clearly.  I could not take anymore.  I couldn't even cry I was just so overcome with misery that I was numb and unable to move.

I remember closing my eyes..taking deep breaths..trying to get one tiny thread of my being connected to the Source, Spirit, God/Goddess, Creator..or whatever you want to name it.  I was desperate and so overwhelmed..I just called out, " what in the world do I do now, how will I ever get through all of this?"

I began sobbing..in my head I heard it..above my loud crying..it wasn't a voice I perceived..just words.."Choose to be happy."  That stunned me..what?  That was ridiculous...how?

Well no one answered that...but for the heck of it..I had nothing to lose..I repeated it, "I choose to be happy."  It sounded to me a little ridiculous given the circumstances of my life..but it did feel good and that was something.  Any comfort was welcome.  I repeated it over and over.
 
I would like to say it magically transformed everything..but it didn't.  I still had huge and overwhelming things to deal with...but I can say it was a significant event..that changed the course of my thinking.  This along with the other tools I used..Meditation, Reiki..   The miraculous thing about this occurrence..is that within a week..of saying this to myself..I began having seconds, minutes..hours when I was happy.  This also taught me the importance of Living in the Now.

So....here I am..my life is so much better.  But still obstacles, fear  and anxieties occur..no matter what.  I now see clearly it is a part of the human condition.   I climbed out of the pit and had this amazing life for 6 years and the new message said..Now move to West Virginia...and I did.

I am starting over here.. I mean really starting over.  I cannot believe how much of my identity I tied up in my job.  Being without it..is a real learning experience.   I am pleased to be here..my partner loves it a lot.
But still..I needed that little reminder..."Choose to be happy"...to me that means stop worrying about the little things, stop worrying about what may or may not happen.  Go further than the human conscious mind can conceive,  bypass the confusion of my ego/emotions battling it out and take a look at this moment in the Now and choose to be happy.  Awesome!


I got this far obeying my Guidance.  I will continue.  Kicking and screaming sometimes..but I will keep on.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Don't try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.

I saw this written on a forum today and it struck me as profound..simple yes, but profound.  I think I have spent my life trying to "fit in"  and the only success I had with it was when I was not being my authentic self.  Times where I obviously told my ego/emotions to build me a personality that would hide the real me.  Not good.

It gave me fleeting moments of feeling like I "fit in" but it really did nothing for my sense of self-acceptance.  And that is where I need to fit in..is with mySelf.

I think I finally get it.

I am still under the weather.  I haven't done a thing for three days.  No yard work, no housework..nothing. Wait!  That's not true, I did do things.  I gave myself Reiki, meditated on what my "Inner Guidance" was trying to show me, I rested (something I have never been able to do when I was not well..I always had to plow on to my workday..)  I did do something..Something very important.  I put myself first.  Not my productivity..I didn't man up and I wasn't a good soldier.  I acknowledged the distress my body felt and nurtured myself through it.

I am feeling much better but I can tell I am still working through some very uncomfortable emotional issues along with nurturing my physical health back to homeostasis.

I am not going to go into it now..for one reason..I am still really tired from this cold.   And another reason, I don't have the issue in any type of conceptual form to even explain it.  It's just feelings that are uncomfortable.

I still have a little fever so I think I will go drink a bunch of water and lie down again.  Hopefully tomorrow I will be feeling much much better.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Work In Progress

For many years I have practiced meditation and gave myself Reiki daily.  As I mentioned before, this helped me through the really difficult times in my life.  For the last six months, since I moved to West Virginia, I have meditated and given myself Reiki multiple times a day.  

 I utilize a number of "tools";  as I have outlined before; that were given to me by my "Inner Guidance".   For example, the formula for processing emotions, "Acceptance", acknowledging and observing emotional discomfort and painful emotional patterns.  I have made great progress.  My perception and interpretation of events and situations has evolved drastically.  However,  I have a lot more damage and baggage to process.  Obviously.

This week my "Inner Guidance"  led me to begin intensive Reiki Treatments using Karuna Reiki®.  I use both types of Reiki but for my daily treatments I use Usui with one or two Karuna Reiki symbols thrown in.  But this 
week it was Karuna Reiki®, every symbol.  Twice a day from Monday until today.  Today only once.  

Thursday I noticed I was beginning to feel really sad with a strange aching inside me.  I observed it and processed it. Friday I woke with swollen glands under my ears, a runny nose and a headache.  Saturday I had a fever and I  ached.  Today I am just miserable and tired.
  
Today I gave in and haven't done anything.  No housecleaning, no laundry, no yard work.  Just more Reiki and I drank a lot of water.  I am having a Reiki Healing Crises.  I feel terrible but yet I have this knowing that this is a great moment.  I am processing a lot of deeply buried things and I have released a lot of stagnant energy around these buried parts.  I can't explain how I know this ..but I know I am not really sick with flu or virus.  I have had the flu and viruses before and this is so different.  Similar symptoms but the feeling inside me is almost like a clearing out.  It's difficult to explain.

My "Inner Guidance" tells me I will start feeling better tomorrow.  I love Reiki!  Even today when I am feeling so uncomfortable.     

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Party's Over, Time to find a job

It really hasn't been a "party" with me lazing about eating bonbons on my chaise lounge reading romance novels for days at a time.  I was thinking about where I was going today and the "party's over" came into my head.  Maybe my "shadow self" making a smart remark.

Yesterday I had to go into Beckley to run some errands.  I went by this nursing facility and decided to run in and grab an application.  The hiring manager told me I needed to fill it out on site and so since it was an impulse stop I , of course, was not prepared.  I don't have the conscious memory to store all the details of every job I ever had with addresses and phone numbers.  No, I have all that stuff written down for me in a folder that was at home.  So today I am going back.

The funny thing is yesterday I wasn't the slightest bit anxious.  I was curious.  Today I am anxious.  Why?  Why are my emotions wired that way?  I am telling myself..what is so different about today going than yesterday.  Except today I am planning it and yesterday it was an impulse.

Whatever the reason for this..I am utilizing one of the symbols of Karuna Reiki® to help heal unconscious patterns as well as the "shadow self".   I love my shadow self but sometimes she/it gets out of hand.  Which means I am out of hand.  It's kind of confusing but I hope I am making myself clear.  


I have been without paid employment for 6 months.  A sabbatical of sorts.  And even when I find a job I am only working 2 or 3 days a week.  Which is why I am still not employed.  The two job offers I received since moving to West Virginia were really good ones but full time only and my "Inner Guidance"  says NO.  


There are other things I want to pursue and I am in a wonderful position for the first time in my life of not having to work every waking moment for survival.   I am pursuing other things..some of them are not exactly clear to me yet..but I am moving towards something different.  However, I am kind of looking forward to being back to work for a few hours a week.   We will see how it turns out.  

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Still Pondering the Tattvic (Tattwic) Tides

The flow of energies is never ending.  Like blood, water, air it flows all around us, through us and makes us what we are.  But something I learned (or remembered) a long time ago;  some types of energy feel different.  I am energy sensitive and when I was very young it scared me to death when I realized not everyone felt or sensed what I felt.

As I got older and with a lot of "Inner Support" (Inner Guidance); I slowly learned to pay attention to it closely and to utilize this "sensing" into my discernment system.   This has proven to be priceless to me  Once I began to trust myself to sense energies mindfully,  I opened up to recognizing different types of vibrational patterns.

I learned which ones needed my full attention, which ones alerted me to something, which ones signaled the changes of consciousness during meditation and which ones signaled, "stay away".

I am not going to get into the metaphysical philosophy of this.  This is my truth and is part of my path and growth.  My point of bringing this up is that for the last three days I have sensed some very uncomfortable energy.  I am observing it and how it affects me.  At the same time paying close attention to my "Inner Guidance"  as I process this heavy uncomfortable electrical energy to raise the vibrational level in my environment.   This energy in it's raw form has definite affects on my emotions.  I noticed a great relief when I began processing this energy in my environment with Reiki and Meditation.  Still Blah but not stuck or stopped up like I was.    I am still moving along.

That is what has me still pondering the "Tattwic Tides".   How these tides of energy are affected by planetary alignment. (I believe in astrology, I just have no talent in this area)  How the tides change yearly, monthly, quarterly and down to  every 24 minutes.

I wonder what is causing this big influx of energy I sense?