Friday, December 30, 2011

Shifting Focus

The weather so far has been fairly stable up in these mountains. It is a much gentler winter so far than last year. I have taken full advantage of it and continue my frequent walks up the holler a ways. Winter has it's own unique beauty that I never really appreciated before.

On the surface it looks bleaker, duller than in spring and summer and fall. But wait, Winter is it's own season. Not just a holding period until the other seasons come around again. It is Winter, a special type of "resting" period for the plants, trees and grass. So they can prepare for the renewal. They are sleeping. I have tracked the progression of cycles of the plant life and it was so amazing to me. How could this wondrous phenomena escaped me for so many years. The practical perfection of it is stunning.

The last few days of my walks I have noticed my attention is pulled to the little creek that runs down the mountain. Traveling through the foothills all the way to the "bottom" where it continues between my neighbor's house and mine, under the road and beyond. The sound of it is almost hypnotic to my ears. I seem to catch myself just standing and gazing into the streaming water and listening with a deep fascination.

Everyday I walk along side and watch the water flowing. I notice branches and leaves along the sides..places where it is dammed up a bit with large rocks and large limbs. In that span of time while I walk beside the creek, I am aware of a magical feeling. Everything else slides away from my mind..only the flow of the water is there.

Today on my walk; before I went over the bridge, I grabbed a rake out of the outbuilding where my Dad stored a few tools. I walked to the point where the creek runs through the foothills and began raking out tall grasses, dried out and dead plants, small limbs and rocks. I only meant to spend a bit of time. I became lost in it. It was so satisfying to me. My dog, Evie, finally began getting restless to get back home. I noticed it was starting to get dark. I trudged home muddy, kind of wet and most of all with a very happy feeling that I cannot explain.

As I made my way down the creek I felt joy at the sound and sight of the renewed flow of water rushing past. It sounded louder and appeared to have more volume after my labors.

I can't wait to go back out tomorrow.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Reviewing Life Choices

A friend of mine, from the place I used to live, asked me a question. And that question kind of triggered a much needed review of an important idea that I try always to be mindful of..but sometimes am not.

My friend asked me what his future held. While I repeated the same thing I tell him all the time when he asks this, it occurred to me that I would be thankful for his question because it caused me to reopen my awareness to a basic truth of mine which is..my life is shaped by the choices I make. Every choice, large and small, every second, minute, hour and day. Every choice is a step towards a direction I will be following in my life.

It brought it back to my full attention that I needed to renew my focus on this in order to observe and be aware of what I was thinking and what I was choosing. It isn't a few large decisions that shape our life as much as the tiny ones we make a thousand times a day.

I must admit, my choices have not all been good ones the last week. Many have but a few have not. By seeing this I could begin immediately to alter my direction. Being careful not to berate myself but to gently guide myself ( after all I am my own best friend) to choose things that were better for my self and my life.


And so I told my friend (once again) that I was no fortune teller. Not that there is anything wrong with that..it's just not one of my gifts. And I explained to him about my truth about how choices shape our lives and direction. It didn't go over to well. I am not sure why.

Is it better to think we are helplessly swept by the wind of life or is it better to know we have ways of shaping our own personal reality? I prefer the latter.

I think it all goes back to energy. Doesn't everything? I believe that when I am observing and being aware of my thought patterns, choices I make every second..it changes the vibrational pattern..literally raising the vibration of my conscious thought.

Raising the level of vibration of my energy field is a very important part of my spiritual work.
It appears to have the same affect on my thought patterns. It seems to have a similar affect as when I deliberately focus on circulating my auric energy. My energy vibrates at a higher rate.

In my world..raising the vibrational level of my energy is everything. In thought and practice.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve

It is Christmas Eve and I am hanging right in there. In fact, many things I truly enjoyed this holiday season so far. I have wrapped the presents I got for my partner and my daughter. My son's I sent out earlier in the mail.

I baked all the cookies I am going to. Yesterday I went to the store and shopped for Christmas dinner. I enjoyed it a lot. The place was packed. I went to the local Walmart because the selection of things and brands I like are more accessible and affordable in Walmart. (I never shopped at Walmart before I moved..but that is another blog for another day.)

The place was packed with Christmas shoppers and people like me getting things for Christmas dinner. I enjoyed it more than I thought. As I went through the aisles I was so grateful for this time and place I was in that I was able to go Christmas dinner shopping.

This time of year always triggers really uncomfortable feelings in me. This year is a little different. I have had some painful feelings..painful memories come up..but also some happy ones. This year will make peaceful memories for me.

I am grateful for all of the blessings in my life and there are so many. This last year was an unimaginable gift.

I have also spent a lot of time contemplating the Three Magi and of course, the birth of Jesus.
Lately I been thinking about how Joseph must have felt. You know his friends were snickering behind his back when he married an already pregnant Mary. I mean Mary and Joseph both knew the baby was not his..and I am sure everyone else did too.

Something in his heart..in his soul..opened up and his Guidance told him to marry her and love she and the child. Regardless of how it looked or what his peers thought. To do the correct thing even though it looks totally wrong to everyone else. That is the big lesson for me. To discern strongly enough to know the correct choice to make.

And in my mind's eye I can see the Magi, traveling through mountains and deserts to find the One that the star led them to. Did they know each other or did they meet up at a specific point by chance and decide to team up? Were they from the same "Sect" of Priesthood or whatever the name for their persuasion was.


Today I am going to start Christmas dinner. Bake the sweet potatoes, make the slaw, cut up the apples and make spiced apples. I will thaw the shrimp for the shrimp and grits.

tomorrow I will cook the ham, make the sweet potatoe casserole, shrimp and grits, green beans and sweet cornbread.

I am also going to play on farmville. For some reason I enjoyed decorating my little farm. Crazy..but hey..It works. This is going smoother for me than I ever dreamed. I have not just
endured it, I have enjoyed much of it. Later today I will light the Christmas tree up and put on my favorite Carols. I may even light a fire in the fireplace. It's Christmas!


"And so I am offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety two, although it's been said many times and many ways, Merry Christmas to you!"

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Celebration and the Struggle of the Holidays

It is painful for me to write about this but I need to address it. The Holiday Season is not necessarily a happy time for everyone. I am sorry to say that I am one of these people. I attempted to explain to a friend of mine that deep down I love this season but on the surface I don't.

I know that is such a paradox but it is the truest way I can explain it. My heart opens to it yet my ego/emotions cringe, feel sad, resentful, self pitying etc...all the crap that I don't like to feel. But I do feel it and I cannot and will not deny it or repress it.


My first step is to express honest and authentic gratitude for the time and space this year to process it. I haven't had the gift of this for many many years. My second step is to acknowledge how I feel and acknowledge it. The third step is to realize I am feeling uncomfortable emotions about something in me that is triggered by this time of year...Not by this time of year. And unfortunately, my painful discomfort is triggered by my preconditioned expectations of this season, not about anything bad that has affected me.

And this approach has helped me a lot. I actually enjoyed putting up my Christmas tree and decorating a bit around the house. I only put out things I liked while thinking about what this time of the year means to me. I have consciously strived to focus on what I like about this time of year, not how I do not live up to what I perceive as expectations of this season. Along with that awful feeling of not being able to keep up with everyone else's perfect Christmas. I mean, what is that anyway? It is some strange fixation in my head. That's all it is. That is my own limitation and I am taking steps to break myself free from the bonds of this.


So far I am doing very well. Last night, my partner and I watched Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer and Mr Magoo's Christmas Carol. I loved it! We had a picnic in the living room of smoked salmon and cream cheese and some Christmas cookies. I turned out all the lights except the Christmas tree and it was so much fun.

I am contemplating not only the Yuletide but the birth of Jesus (whether it actually happened this time of year or not) and The Three Magi. My daughter gave me a really old oil painting of the Three Wise Men. It is magnificent and I have it out on the table across the room from my Christmas tree.

My partner and I bought some toys for the children at the local women's shelter and that was fun picking them out and wrapping them. I went to a Christmas program at a local church and a school chorus Christmas program. Both were kind of fun.

I put on some old Nat King Cole music and baked some cookies.

Wow, now that I write it out I can see that I am doing way better this year than I have for many years. I can do this and I can have fun doing it. I have faith that I can.


Blessed Yule and Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My Wake Up Call

10 years ago I heard this song for the first time and it was literally my wake up call. It touched something inside me and sent me on an interesting, strange and sometimes disturbing journey that broke my own self imposed prison. It sent me on a road to finding out how to be happy and truly live not just exist. And yeah..I did all the first four things mentioned.






It is just as valid now as it was 10 years ago to me.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Working through Sorrow

I have not written for a few days. My mind and heart are kind of distracted by another death in the family. It's another one of those dilemmas where you are happy for the person who has moved from this life into the next one..but sorrow at the loss of their presence in this physical plane.

As my own best friend, I will give myself a few days to process this with the help of my Guidance.


The world feels different without you, Nori. Good Journey to the next life, my friend. Your suffering is over and you are free to live the life you so deserve.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

My Formula for Emotional Control

Emotional Control

The Human Condition is shaped largely by “feeling” and by the nature of this physical realm; subjectivity rules. True objectivity is not possible. However; by knowing this, we can choose to control our ego/emotional responses. This allows us to view our environment, ourselves and others in a more objective way. Here lies the key to observing the man made illusions of this plane, working them without becoming part of the illusionary patterns. It is the basis of creating better personal realities for ourselves.

From the time I was very young, I was an extremely emotional person with no idea how to process my feelings properly. I either repressed them; pretending not to feel what I felt, or I responded without thinking. Both of these choices proved to be very damaging to my sense of self and my self esteem. My responses engaged my ego to rise up and represent me for so many years. By doing this I shaped a personality facade that was not representative of my total being. Just my emotions and ego.

I was fortunate to have a strong connection to my spirituality. I don’t know why or how but I did. And thankfully my “Inner Guidance” stepped in and helped me to slowly change my emotional response patterns. It took me years to finally “get it” but once I did the results were amazing. And even though I get the idea and know how much better I handle things, it is still hard to break old patterns. But it can be done. The benefits are so worth the effort. I haven’t shared this with many for several reasons. It is one of those things that presents so simply that it appears complicated and difficult to explain in a way that satisfies the minds demand for understanding. As you work with it; if you choose to, you will notice a noticeable transformation in the way you handle difficult situations and how you view the world in general.

My “Guidance” gave me a formula to use as a basis for controlling my emotions.


Stimuli--------->Perception-------->Interpretation--------> Reaction----------->Response--------->Actions


Stimuli

The first one is obvious. It is merely what the environment is for that moment, hour, day, etc...It can be anything. Everything in this physical plane can be stimuli. Our minds register millions of pieces of data that is stimuli all the time. And it is processed unconsciously every second.

Consciously working this formula is helpful when you are aware of discomfort inside.



Anything that triggers fear, anger, hurt feelings, guilt etc..is the time to consciously utilize the formula. For example, someone says something to you that rubs you the wrong way. That is the time to stop and work the formula. Stimuli is a fairly objective form at this stage.

One other thing about stimuli. It is not always the reason for the emotions to engage..sometimes stimuli is merely a trigger. Triggering something that was repressed and long buried inside us. Sometimes the actual stimuli has nothing to do with what we are feeling about it..it is just the trigger and nothing more.


Perception

How the stimuli is first processed. The first response to the stimuli is how you sense it. Where do you sense it. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you sense it? This is where the stimuli changes shapes and becomes subjective. For example, you wake up and the day is rainy. You can perceive the stimuli as either just rain or a sense of forboding, a sense of anticipation.


Interpretation

This is where it starts to get tricky. What are you interpreting from your perception of the stimuli. Example, it is raining..your perception is irritable when you note it is raining; your interpretation is the weather is going to ruin your whole day.

It is the place where you really begin to internalize and process with your emotions how you perceived the stimuli. This is where you start feeling it in your solar plexus. The beginnings of angst. You have interpreted the weather, the remark, the way your hair looks, the way your house looks not in a good way and the solar plexus begins to churn.


Reaction

At this point the “feelings” engage. The process is felt in the solar plexus and the second chakra

A Word on Emotional Repression

Repressed emotions are generally stored in the second chakra for women. Repressed emotions are things that were upsetting, devastating or traumatic to us that we did not process. It is a mistaken belief that if we ignore or shut out hurtful or unpleasant feelings that they have gone away. This is a pseudo attempt at emotional control and it doesn’t work.

The feelings we repress are pushed down into the second chakra. It’s like shoving things we don’t know what to do with in a damp basement. The things we put there change shape. They swell up from the damp environment, growing mold and fungi until they are no longer recognizable.

Just because we shoved them in the basement and forgotten them doesn’t mean they went away. They merely took on a life on their own, fed by more and more things shoved down there.

They take up space that we could use more creatively. The space becomes unhealthy and impairs the potential for improving our quality of life. They spread out and no matter where you step, you jar something that explodes in a wave of unpleasantness. It becomes a huge monster size living dump of the feelings we did not process.

The second chakra becomes a storage of pain and discomfort. As it fills, we become less receptive to ourselves. Our emotions are then triggered by things that are not even related to what is actually happening at the time span we are in. When these unhealthy storage areas inside us are triggered, we could be responding to something that happened years and years ago. The perfect breeding ground for sickness, bitterness and perpetual anger. And this mix will eventually erupt like a volcano all over your life.


Processing Feelings to Prevent “The Basement Disaster”.

I know I have repeated this a hundred times. Be your own best friend! And that means legitimizing how you feel. Stop for a bit when you are feeling angry, sad, confused etc...and give yourself permission to feel this while you observe it. Acknowledge your discomfort and observe the flow of these feelings without trying to make it feel better, push it away, resist or understand it. Let it flow through you. Notice where you feel it the most inside of you as it flows through you. Acknowledge that you feel sad, hurt, angry, confused, etc...This allows you to process and observe without actually interacting with the flow as it comes though you and leaves.

Resistance adds strength to the thing you are resisting. As your resistance grows, so does the force you are trying to resist. Just let it flow through you. It may take a few minutes, hours or days.

Just give yourself the time and space to legitimize and acknowledge how you feel. Make a ritual of it, circulating your aura while you do this, connect with your Higher Source, give yourself Reiki. I personally set aside time almost everyday to do this. I have so much buried crap inside me. I set aside an hour..half hour sometimes 15 minutes. I light my candles and incense, sit in my favorite chair and allow the discomfort to flow through me for a set time. Then I do something really good for myself. Like soak in the tub, read a book, give myself Reiki or eat a piece of chocolate.

This will neutralize the urge to repress. It will disarm the ego’s litany of self denigration. It allows you to make peace with yourself and keep your inner spaces clear for your own creative works. It keeps you from burying the vast treasure you have inside you.


Response

At this point the emotions will engage. This is where you decide what action will manifest from this processing. Will it be angry words, an act guaranteed to make someone feel guilty, a clever plan of revenge or a barrage of self hate. Or will it be a decision to keep processing it until you make peace with yourself and the energy of the emotions. A response ability that allows you to use the processing of your emotions as a learning experience, utilizing wisdom and discernment on how to act on what is best for your and your wellbeing.



Actions

There is no end or beginning to this formula. It is more like a cycle. Then end product is still going to circulate in it’s spiral patterns. Processing is an ongoing thing. We all process our emotions but we either do it unconsciously or consciously. Unconscious processing leads to repression..Conscious processing of the formula leads to heightened self awareness, self knowledge and wisdom.

The action you take after processing through the formula will always circulate back. Incorrectly or correctly for yourself. For there is no right or wrong. Just what is correct for you or incorrect.

What you manifest into the physical plane as an action will either be back for further processing or help you process other difficult situations.





I hope this helps. It is difficult to explain but so very important to me in my everyday life.


The good thing about doing this repetitively is after a while, it becomes second nature and almost automatic.

If you decide to utilize this...it will make an immense difference in your quality of life and how you view yourself and others If not, it will be fine. You will find a way.

Review:

Utilizing the Formula for Emotional Control.
Legitimize your feelings and emotions.
Observe and Acknowledge your feelings and emotions.
Do not repress or resist the flow of feelings and emotions.
Using these tools heightens self awareness.
Be kind to yourself and be your own best friend. Process your feelings enough that you lose the ego’s urge to self denigrate.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Adaptability

It is the end of a busy day at home. And I am doing much better today. I was so unfocused I could not even meditate so I just spent time circulating the energy of my aura and concentrating on my breathing throughout the day. I went outside because it was so beautiful out and fairly warm. I cleared some brush and worked up a sweat.

It felt good..kind of warming my insides and helping the circulation of my energy. I puttered inside doing a lot of little things. I am amazed at how much I can get done while doing a few little things here and there.

I am tired now but my insides, my emotions and my energy feels much much better. I am not sure if I was experiencing a delayed reaction to that sad and confusing trip to Philadelphia or maybe responding to a major environmental energy shift.

It doesn't matter. I stopped resisting the discomfort I felt, occupied myself with meaningful tasks and raised the vibrational energy of my body and my environment. It's amazing how much more promising life appears when I am circulating and connected with myself.

The new lesson from my Guidance that goes along with the State of Acceptance is Adaptability

I don't fully understand the mechanism of it yet but I know. The understanding will come later.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

I had a quiet but very very nice Thanksgiving. I cooked a feast and loved every minute of it. It marks my second Thanksgiving day that I did not have to go to work in so many years. I didn't mind the mess I made in the kitchen. I savored every second of the preparation and of course, the outcome.

After my partner and I ate, we watched the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". I love that movie. Then my partner had to leave for work. With a smile on his face and a stuffed tummy.

All day I have had this song in my head. I have been humming and singing it to myself so I decided to put it on here.

I am 56 and I remember this song so well from way back in the day. I guess I still love it!


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dark Place with Light

I changed the background to my blog because I needed a dark background with light text. I am not sure why. It is something I am feeling now. Sometimes I need to meditate in the dark with only one candle burning. I believe it to be the same premise.

I love bright colors and I love meditating during the day with bright sunlight streaming through the windows. But there are occasions when my inner self signals a need to contemplate in the dark. I seem to go deeper and I have a more focused observation on the light source.

If this makes no sense, it's ok. I have found over the years, there are things that I "know" from a place deep inside me but I do not understand why or how. I know, so I do it when I sense the need. It reminds me again of a phrase My Guidance gave me when I first became aware of them years and years ago. "Be without a facade, Do without doing and Know without understanding why".

Now, for years that made no sense to me whatsoever. But I am beginning to see and know what it means. Do I "understand" it? No..but I don't need to..I know and that comes from my Source.

I meditate in the darkness with one candle and it penetrates something inside me..getting through when I could not before. And it helps me sift through the rubble and process things more efficiently.

This is needed now. I don't understand why but I just know it is.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sorting through the rubble

I have discovered that when I am presented with an emotionally painful challenge; it seems to trigger a disturbance inside me from similar issues from the past. Issues that I obviously have not worked through. Such is the case at this time.

For the past year, I have dedicated myself to inner healing. Processing buried and repressed feelings have been an integral part of my healing process.

Right now I am a bit subdued. Troubled and kind of disconnected. The good thing is I know what to do. And I have begun. The usual..circulating my aura, legitimizing the fact that something is bothering me and processing it. I don't have to know exactly what the issue is or analyze what started it..just allow myself to feel what I feel.

I set aside time to sit quietly in my favorite chair by the fireplace. Playing music that I like, light my incense and candles and prepare the room as if I were going to do a Reiki treatment or meditate. Then I circulate my aura and connect with my "Guidance" and "The Source of All". While I am meditating on allowing the feelings to come through me, I also give myself Reiki for support.

It is not necessary to do all of this but when I make a ritual of it, it gives me a sense of working with myself towards further healing. Preparing my environment seems to communicate through out me that I am working with a purpose, instead of being swept away by my emotions.

Another thing I have discovered is that when I set aside time and space to process this, I always find something interesting buried under the rubble and mess inside me. So it is time to sort through the rubble and see what I find.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

"Why Assume the Worst", posted by Reverend Carol A. Ingle

I joined "Enchanted Forest" because of some of the blogs and articles I read there that resonated with me a lot. But today I found one that blew me away. Perhaps because it goes along with what my "Inner Guidance" is leading me to practice in my life in thought, deed and spirit.

There are some differences, of course, but the message is profound in it's reinforcement of the way I now try to live.

So here it is. It is written by Reverend Carol A. Ingle.


WHY ASSUME THE WORST?
Posted by Rev. Carol A. Ingle (Raven) on November 17, 2011 at 11:30am

Why assume the worst?
I don't know where this came from, but I like it... Enjoy!
One Feather - Why is it that when we do not get what we are hoping for that most of the time we let our thoughts assume the worst?
Spirit clearly wants to encourage you to strive for your best. The key is that as you learn to accept that the encouragement is there, it is then enabling your hopes to believe they will turn it into reality. Basically, you cannot give up your positive plans before completion. Some days we see the futility and frustrations of a physical world holding you back from the rewards of a spiritual making.


Our desires, both in spirit and on the earth plane, are to douse you with delirium. You are responsible for creating your happiness, but spirit is your escort. We will take the lead in many ways, but you, by virtue of your free will have been given the reigns to control and direct. Like an unbridled horse with an indecisive rider, Spirit does not know what direction you truly want to go in when you delay yourself. It is easy for us to blame you, just like you like to blame God and Spirit. If my thoughts seem to be wandering it is only because I am giving you a taste of what we go through in spirit.


Sometimes we sit back and are amused by those who choose not to temporarily help themselves when life stalls out. As I was trying to say earlier, we can put the plan in motion to help you forward, but you have to make it clear that you want to move forward. Do not stop at each obstacle as if you have failed and then state the negative mantras of "it will not happen".


What have you forgotten? For many of you it is the simplified version of thinking and being in a positive frame of mind even when the challenges are the greatest. As a young boy I walked through fire. Our lands were torched and most of my friends perished because they feared going through the hardest part. Instead of running towards the oncoming flames, they chose to try to outrun it by going in the opposite direction. When your backs are towards danger you have no way to manage or manipulate the direction you want to take yourself in. You lose oxygen and you lose hope because you leave yourself blind to danger. If you allow yourself to be victimized, how can you truly think you are doing your best to be positive; to allow your life to be prosperous?


When I was running I could clearly see where the flames were and where they weren't. I was able to dart around and jump over stumps and fallen trees and ultimately I made it to the waters edge. Once there I felt peaceful and safe. I was exhausted, but I dove in to refresh myself. I actually submerged myself for several minutes to see how long I could still hold my breath. This was not done as anything but a simple challenge to myself to see if I still maintained the same strength and stamina that I had before racing through a smoked filled forest. What I found at the bottom while I lay motionless and submerged was that life was still going on. I could feel the fish swim around me and even nibble on me at times presumably because they thought I had failed. I got a kick out of the activity when I sat up and I could see that the fish all darted except for the clams which I took, not only for food, but to trade later on. Why would I turn down the gift of currency because I overcame a difficult time? Just surviving is not substantial enough—or at least it wasn't for me.


Your situations in life can cause you hardships and stress, but the reality is that if you face your fears, and in a sense, face the enemies that are causing the disruption, you get the upper hand. If somebody is thwarting your happiness, it is up to you to throw the proverbial darts back at him by taking control over what you want and not leaving it up to them to direct your path.


What my message tonight is about is luxury and living in a sense of free will and free balance. Even the youngest of us can believe and understand that when they are prepared, study and stay committed to their rightful path, they achieve success. Whether or not you are students or teachers in the physical sense makes no difference. For a student, getting the straight "A" report card means you have achieved success. For a teacher having your student get a straight "A" report card also means you have achieved success. For the purposes of this message I wish to compare the teachers with those of us in spirit. Like you, we work diligently trying to prepare our students for the best results. Like you, we suffer from frustration when the results do not add up to the effort we put in ourselves because the student has let them self down. Understand the importance of that last sentence. The student has not let the teacher down and none of you will ever lose us in spirit because of your attitudes. The student, by letting themselves down, has only delayed their inevitable happiness.


We find that many of you will be on paths of codependence where even your success, in your minds, are linked together with other people's assistance. Just for the next three weeks I want all of you to symbolically discard the people who are delaying your happiness and simply turn the problems over to your teachers or us in spirit. I can guarantee you that most of you will see the projects you have been working on come to completion, and by completion, we talk about a new balance in the new energetic direction--one that is rewarding.

Tonight, my mission was to clearly tell all of you that even in your most troubled days there is a voice that can be heard from us through the child within. Many of you are doubtful, very much like I was when I was in the physical realm. It is easy to dismiss that little inner voice because you think the inner voice comes from the mental and mind stimulation; and then you sit back and say to yourself that it cannot be right. I can attest to you that the punctuation of success comes much more easily when you do not try to perforate the messages that you hear. If you keep trying to poke holes into everything that you sense, then you have impeded your own progress. Likewise, if you set yourself up to be in the middle of a herd of buffalo and you shot a gun you have set yourself up not only to have your progress impeded, but for yourself to be stampeded
.
This is said for a very specific reason. Some of you are not only being burdened by financial situations, but also by emotional and spiritual ones. All of you have decisions to be making about your futures and all I can do is encourage you to have more faith and optimism in yourselves and in your abilities to achieve then what you have been doing the last few weeks. The world itself is a place that must be full of tolerance. It is a place that you can aspire for absolutely anything and you can achieve absolutely anything as long as you stay committed to the higher purpose of what you are choosing to do.


I have shredded your ears enough tonight and will leave you with some time to contemplate the simple words that I have put forward for you. May all of you walk in the moccasins of the High Spirit. May you understand that the greatness that you would love to achieve would come easily when you accept the grace and beauty of yourselves and the life around you.


One last thought. If some of you feel as though your struggles are more then you can handle, the only shame in that comes when you do not ask anyone else for help. Just like the angels in spirit, there are angels in your life in the physical as well. Reach out to them. Talk to your friends and family. Feel the love, feel the protection and feel the power.


May the wolf walk with you for protection and may the great bear stand behind your back chasing away any would be robbers. (An image of "robbers" as a whole series of negative events was shown.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Taking care of painful business

I found out what the anxiety was about on November 3. I was called away on that exact day to take care of some very painful and sorrowful business for someone I admire, respect and love a lot.

I have been in Philadelphia since November 3rd. I am in Virginia now and will be returning home to West Virginia tomorrow. My partner and I have added to our little animal family. A cat belonging to my dear friend in Philadelphia. A cherished friend who is actively dying.

She is not only someone I hold dear and close to my heart, she is also my partner's mother. A sad and confusing process it is to help someone sort things out in order for them to die well. A horrifically painful process to lose a mother.

It was so hard to leave her but everything is in place for her to peacefully and comfortably come to the end of life in this plane. I am not sure we will be able to return to her in time for her actual passing. But for now we have done everything we could possibly do to ensure her comfort and sense of security during this phase of her life.

We left her in good hands. A wonderful Hospice House outside of Philadelphia. We moved her from the hospital to the Hospice house 5 days ago and her horrible pain and nausea are under control. She is very sleepy but no pain and no nausea. She is surrounded by the things from home that she loves that we could fit in her room.

I could write and talk all day about the wonderful ways of Hospice but another time. Working out the circumstances to allow her to be cared for there was emotionally, physically and mentally draining. We are exhausted.

One thing you can be sure of; I used every tool my Guidance has given me to get through the last ten days. And it helped us both more than I would have ever believed.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Floating Confusion, Low Level Anxiety with a dash of a Deep Down Sense of Purpose and Calm

I am in a place within..of some confusion with low level anxiety, today. I have no idea what is causing this. I could guess if I were to analyze it, it is somewhat inspired by the grave and terminal illness of my partner's mother. This is weighing heavily on my heart.

Also the ongoing question of what direction am I headed. I feel I am definitely headed on a specific route but to where, I have not a clue. And moving right along with this are some financial worries.

I sense deep inside me; it is my job to keep my aura and body circulating with healing and cleansing energy, meditate/pray a lot, observe, acknowledge, legitimize and process my emotions. And the biggie, express gratitude for all of the good things in my life.

I am doing these things everyday. I am in a state of acceptance. I will not rush myself or circumstances. I will be open to each step I am taking towards what I am meant to be and do. I suppose that is why I continue to feel calm and inspired.

I guess I just want things to speed up and I want to see clearly where I am headed. Instant gratification is a difficult preconditioned expectation of the human condition and a very difficult habit to break.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!!!

























I love Halloween! I don't have any particular plans but just being in the atmosphere of this enchanting night is exciting to me. I feel it building and swirling around me. It makes me want to take midnight walks, watch old black and white horror films, dance in cemeteries and all manner of crazy things. I am giddy with this feeling!!!

Don't forget to check out Vintage Horror Radio and Stories at VintageHorror.com You can bet I will be sitting in the dark listening to this. I love it.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Deeper State of Acceptance

Am I making progress with my daily goal and contemplation to live in Acceptance? Yes, I believe so. In fact, I know I am. Right now and for the last two weeks I have felt better than I have for a LONG time..and I did not consider myself a truly miserable person before..but still it is so much better now.

I am learning what it is to be still inside. I have heard this spoken of so many times in seminars, meditation books..etc...but now I truly know what it means to be still. I believe it goes hand in hand with Acceptance. Stillness within is like a subtle dance. At first I think I can only do it if there is a partner to dance with..meaning something to fill the stillness. And then it came to me...Stillness is not a solitary experience at all...in truth it causes the walls of isolation built by the ego/emotional self to fall away only to find in the stillness..in the state of acceptance I am connected to every being around me. It is like a connecting thread to other beings in the universe. We are all doing the quiet subtle dance together.
It is only through stillness and acceptance I can get there.

I see now that by filling my "void" or stillness with ego directed emotion, fears, thoughts and worries of the past and future serves only to isolate myself..as one being disconnected. Like a broken thread of a spider's web; the the connection to the whole is broken.

So did my decision to live in a state of acceptance bring me to a place I could find stillness within me or did the stillness come first? Does it matter? Not to me. All that matters is it works somehow.

Every once in a while the old pattern tries to emerge but I quickly remember to avert this by asking myself: where am I? What am I doing? What am I seeing, smelling, sensing? As I answer these questions I find my attention moving back into the moment or "the NOW".

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Circulating the Energy of the Body and Aura

Years ago, this is one of the first things my "Guidance" taught me. I literally knew nothing about chakras or any type of energy work. My Guidance gave it to me piece by piece and when I began working with the method "They" showed me, (or maybe I remembered it from a past life, who knows?) I felt a tremendous difference.

I was in the process of writing how I do this, step by step, for my daughter. And I decided to put it on here. It is a simple but extremely effective way to fire up and move sluggish energy through the body and the aura. So here it is. My little treatise on my first energy work. And it is NOT from any book. It is developed from my beginnings in energy work before I even knew what it was. Here Goes:


Circulating the Energy of the Aura


To Circulate your Aura is the simplest and most efficient way to help your mind, body and spirit feel and work better. No matter what the circumstances, it will help you.

Our bodies, physiologically, run on energy. The parts of ourselves that our not physiologically present also run on energy. This is what is usually called the “etheric body”. However, I think labels confuse things too much and then it becomes a strict regime or dogmatic doctrine. This is self defeating and the importance of the act is then lost in an illusionary hierarchy of dogma.

So, I will present this to you as my Guidance presented it to me so many years ago. Simplistic and natural. It is the act of doing it that works not the explanation of why it works or how to do it in such a ritualistically exact manner that is spiritually correct.

This is not a religion, it is more pragmatic than pedantic. It is not exact or rigid. It is simply the act of using what is so available to care for the parts of our bodies we cannot see.

Even though we cannot see the aura around us, it is there. The energy is there. It is our first line of defense. It defends our immune system…physiologically, emotionally and mentally. I also believes it protects spiritually. But that is my belief and I won’t go into it here.

Energy that runs throughout our body and around our body is likened to blood running through our veins and arteries. It cleanses, energizes and guards us from soaking up energies from our environment. It keeps us from feeling drained when we are around a lot of people.

Like blood; when energy becomes congested, it causes the auric stream to become clogged. Like platelets sticking together in our blood stream before it forms a full blown clot. When these congested areas of energy grow larger, it blocks the circulation and eventually this will show up physiologically. It exacerbates depression, anxiety, physical sickness. In my belief, it often precipitates it. For when we are experiencing energy blockages, our first line of defense is compromised.

Our major chakras or energy centers become sluggish and then we have even more problems. For our energy centers are like major arteries and veins. When they are sluggish we can’t feel our best and emotionally we cannot cope as well as if they were open and flowing.

And so, I come to this. The simplest and most efficient way I know of keeping the aura circulating and cutting down on energy blockages.


Step one:

Sit comfortably or lie down.

You can burn candles and incense or play music softly in the background if you like it. I do burn candles and incense if it is possible simply because it puts me in mind frame that is open to circulating my aura. A kind of signal for me to focus on this moment. But it is not necessary nor does it make the practice any more effective.

Tell yourself that you are going to circulate your aura.

Take three deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling deeply.


Step two:


Think of being in a group of trees on a sunny day. And in one spot a ray of bright sunshine peeks through the leaves and branches. Think about this focused ray of sun entering the top of your head. Feel the power of this light and its warmth as it goes through a spot on your crown down into your body.

Now think of it traveling down a long pipe down the middle of your body. Image the pipe extending down into the ground. Here we are grounding the energy and mixing it. The earth is a powerful organism. Filled with energy. We are all connected to it.

Now think of the energy coming back up from the ground and moving into both feet. Focus on your feet, ankles and legs. Feel the energy moving up your body through your legs and then the upper part. Feel its path as it goes up to the top of your head and then out.

Feel the energy move out of the top of your head. It will go above and then part in the middle. It begins to flow down each side of your body, flowing until it comes into your feet again.

As you feel the energy flowing into your feet again, stop and take three deep breaths. As you breath, feel the energy moving up your leg and into the upper part of your body. When you feel it reach the area where the solar plexus is located, stop and allow yourself to gather all the worries and troubled feelings you have.

As the energy moves upward through your head, think of it traveling straight up. Taking with it all the worries and troubled feelings you have. Straight up into another place beyond the this reality and environment. A place of healing, and higher vibrational energy. I, personally, image it going to The Source of us all. But that is up to each individual. It can go to God/Goddess, Creator, Guidance, Source, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Shekinah, Shiva, Vishnu, Holy Spirit. Whatever you consider your Higher Source.




Step Three:

In a few minutes you may feel a sense of heaviness at the crown at the top of your head. Inhale deeply and think of yourself pulling the energy in your head and feeling it going down. Exhale as it breaks up in its density and continues to travel through your body. Inhale and exhale deeply as it moves down to your feet, down into the ground and back up through your body.

When it gets back up to the top of your head, think of the stream of energy splitting …and going down the sides of your body…and back into your body through your feet.

After this it should be circulating well. Cleansed, refreshed and recharged. If you are a bit light headed..think of it going back down into the ground and back up….


Things to Remember:

The energy of the aura circulates all the time but sometimes life in this plane is stressful and our emotional reactions and stressors slow the flow. At times it becomes more sluggish if we are working through some trauma or issue to the point of developing a blockage.

Deliberately circulating (focusing on it) your aura at least once a day will begin to clear some of these blockages and prevent newer ones. You will feel better afterward. With an increased sense of wellbeing and calm. It will not make your problems, fears or anxieties go magically away. But it will assist you to meeting these challenges with a firmer stance, a clearer head with calmer emotions.


This is a very basic yet powerful exercise. You can do this anywhere and anytime. Especially once you get used to doing this. You will find yourself doing it automatically after a time. Once a day is fine but more is alright too.

A strong aura is such an asset for over all health on all levels.

And always protect you and your aura when in a crowd of people by thinking of yourself surrounded by a bright and warm healing light. One that protects you from lower vibrational energies and emotionally draining people and situations. Filtered so you can
sense your surroundings for discernment but the unhealthy energies will not pull or mix with yours.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Forebearance

I haven't written on my blog for a few days. I have been contemplating what I found out about myself. The self of so many years ago.

I used the time to take care of some outside chores while the sun was still shining the last few days. It felt good to work hard outdoors and accomplish the things that were important to me outside of my house. And it gave me a lot of time to process what happened the other day. (See my previous Blog, "I know you are in there somewhere")

I meditated this evening after helping my mate get off to work. The vibrations of the energy surrounding me during this were powerful, yet comforting. I circulated my aura inside and out and it felt pretty good. No matter what is happening to me, circulating my aura always makes me feel better, lighter and more connected with life..on many levels.

When I finished I found a word that kept running through my mind over and over. It would not go away until I pronounced it. Forbearance was the word and I knew when I said it aloud it was meant to remind me to continue to be kind, compassionate and thoughtful of myself.

At times I still become impatient with myself, intolerant and start to slip into self denigrating thoughts. Especially when I feel there is something I am not able to do or able to understand.

The old ego steps up to remind me how inadequate I am and how much better things would be for me if I was smarter. The good news is I am able to observe myself doing this immediately now and interrupt the unkind messages I send myself. Self denigration is so easy to slip into.

It is so human to compare myself to others and judge myself as lacking. But I know it accomplishes nothing but giving my mind unkind opinions of myself that I do not want to live up to. I truly want to love, respect myself and be my own best friend.

My healing is done on the subtle energy level, by raising the vibration level of the auric energy that surrounds my body and circulating this energy through my body and aura. This comes from a point of love. A point of love that I give to myself that reaches past the boundaries of this world. Through this I am able to love and send healing vibrations to others.

Being forebearant with myself helps me towards a clearer path to self love and that leads me to deeper self healing.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Know You Are in There Somewhere

woke up this morning with a deep and painful feeling in my heart. I felt anxious and sad feelings flooding me. It was so strong it woke me up. I had planned on sleeping in a bit because I stayed up late last night and didn't have to be anywhere this morning.

I lay there and tried to figure out what in the world was causing these storm of feeling. I certainly was not feeling anything sad, painful or anxiety producing. It was the strangest sensation. It was as if I was being pulled in two. One was me feeling pretty good and satisfied with life being pulled by something else showering me with these very painful emotions.

Thanks be, I have learned and/or remembered "tools" to help me in confusing times like these. So, first I strengthened my aura and energy centers. Then I relaxed into the uncomfortable sensations. Wow, it was overwhelming. Like being swept up in some kind of emotional tornado, a painful one. I observed this as objectively as I could and let it run through me.

I felt my "Inner Guidance" wished me to surrender to what was happening so I did. Then the whole scenario became even stranger.

In my mind's eye, I saw myself back in the cave where I first saw the man with the long sticks or antlers coming from his hat. The man that glows green and has a copper head for a companion. I keep coming to that person and that place for some reason.

I felt the man with the strange hat's presence and I was flooded with the sensation of relief. I guess my inner self has learned that no matter how bizarre he appears he always helps me.

I was lying down on the cave floor, the copper head was curled up on my stomach. The man began chanting and rattling this big round thing. It was the size of a small pumpkin and made of some kind of wood like substance. I smelled something spicy burning in the fire with a minty overtone. I could see a large white circle that appeared painted into the rock floor surrounding me. I hadn't noticed it before.

First I had the sensation of not moving. Lying on the floor just allowing that flood of anxiety and sadness to roll out of me. I began to feel a stirring inside me and I felt a dizzy head rush. The discomfort dropped away from me yet I could still feel it coming towards me in waves. Coming towards me but not from me. I realized that (in this yet another strange dream) I was hovering over my body. And I was not alone.

Facing me was another woman. She was young, appearing to be in her early twenties, with medium length dark brownish red curly hair. At first I thought it was my daughter and it upset me to feel such painful emotions coming from her.

My heart center opened wide and I realized who she was. She was me when I younger and newly married. I had just graduated from college the first time. I worked in a bank and we had just bought our first house. My first impression was puzzlement; as to why she seemed so unhappy. I don't really remember any traumatic event that happened in that era of my life. But then I realized I don't remember that time period that well. It was a bewildering and confusing time. Everything seemed to happening so fast, I didn't feel I could keep up.

I didn't really know what to do about this situation. We just stood looking at each other. She looked scared and just so unhappy. I felt my heart moving in waves of affection and love for her.

She became more solid and I took her hands in mine. She looked at me, her eyes so vivid with painful feelings. She said," I want to be like you. I want to be happy, I don't know what happened to me." Then the girl began to cry with big streaming tears as if her heart was broken.

That made my heart open more and I felt myself beginning to cry. I squeezed her hands and told her that she was me when I was younger. That she was always a part of me but chose to hide herself away.

As I was talking to her I began to feel all the confusion of that time in my life. I realized that no traumatic event had occurred. Just a tragic condition of me not loving myself and trying to live the way I thought I should, according to what I perceived was expected of me. Not knowing myself enough or loving myself enough to know I was valuable and what I wanted was valid. The time of my life where I just could not measure up. I thought I was frumpy and ugly. I didn't know how to interact with my husband. I made a facade to help guide me. Instead of listening to my heart I emulated others to construct what I thought was the correct life for me. In short I did not believe in the validity of me. I did not trust my heart enough to find out what I wanted and how I wished to express myself in my life.

I was amazed that I could not see myself the way I really was at that time, at that age, at that stage of my life.

In truth it was a time of my burgeoning creativity. A time I could have accepted myself and my spirituality. But I didn't. I shut it all down because I thought of myself as inferior. I developed a culture of self denigration and denial of my true self.

I did get through this era of my life and I did learn from it. By the time I was in my thirties I was beginning to know and accept myself a little better. It wasn't perfect but it was something.

However, the particular part of myself that I was facing at this moment had shut herself down. In pain and confusion. Feeling unloved and not able to fit in the world, a part of me shut down.

As these realizations came over me. I told her that I had come a long way since then. I found my way and I had made it through some really rough times. Instead of breaking me, these times strengthened my spirituality and gifted me with wisdom. Leading me to where I am now. A place of healing, joy in life and learning to really love myself. I was learning to honor and trust my being, my spirit. My creativity was opening up wider all the time. I was learning (remembering) how to experience joy and wonder in my life now.

I held out my arms to her and asked her to come back home to me. I told her I needed the creative vision that she had hidden. I would open the beautiful heart and spirit that she shut down. We both began to cry and she came closer. She felt like a solid person and we hugged each other so tight and it felt so good. Then we became less solid..and she moved closer and closer until we were not separate.

I found myself back on the floor of the cave. The man was smiling and sitting on the ground beside me. I was thanking him when I "woke up" from yet another waking dream thing.

I am amazed how different I feel. The painful feelings are gone. Corny or not, it feels like part of me came back. A part I didn't even realize was missing. A part of me came home today.
I am so thankful to all of my Guides and The Creator. What an incredible feeling.

Maybe the part of me that I shut down so long ago, was so shut off that it felt separate. Maybe that's why I felt that sadness from nowhere. I honestly thought it was someone that needed me to send long distance Reiki or pray for. Yeah..it was..it was part of me. A part of me that wanted to return to the whole, perhaps? For wholeness is my goal.

Whether it sounds crazy or corny..or not. This is my story and it was satisfying. Wow, I wonder what else I have hidden inside me. Well, if I am meant to find other hidden parts of me..I will.


It makes me wonder about other young women transitioning into adult life. My heart feels for them. For some, like me, it can be a painfully bewildering experience. I am thankful for this opportunity to know myself better.



Landscapes: Volume Two from Dustin Farrell on Vimeo.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Changes in the Plants and Trees

This last spring, I became so enthralled with watching the plants and trees grow, change from a dull brown or gray and burst into lush, bold colors. I watched them grow and go through their cycles. The smell of them and the way they interacted with the air was fascinating. As summer moved along the plants and trees continued to grow lusher and more aromatic. Each cycle changing their shapes and focus of their life spans.

Now is an equally fascinating time. The shift from summer to fall. I feel it everywhere. In the air,the smells, the way the sun shines and of course the changes in the plants and trees. The energies that are needed for this part of the cycle affect everything including me. The colors of the trees are breathtaking. Many of my trees are almost bare now. But for a week or so they looked like something out of a Disney movie.

The plants are changing again. They appear to be receding into themselves. Many are dropping seedlings everywhere.

Do we parallel the shifts of plants and trees? Or are we affected by the same energies that pronounce the changes of the season?

I can't put into words how fall affects me. I have always thought of autumn as my favorite season. Is it the season or the energies that circulate during this cycle?

hmmmmm

Clearing Up Space

Since Thursday (today is Saturday), I have been in a focused endeavor to clear up the spare bedroom and closet. It had the beginnings of a storage room. It wasn't unusable or hard to walk in or even cluttered in appearance. But for some reason Thursday night I got this incredible urge to clean it out. And so I did. At one point I had to stop and meditate because I was feeling a little overwhelmed and indecisive about what I wanted and was trying to do.

That was my last blog and since that meditation/dream, I made amazing progress. The closet is now full but organized, clean and I know everything that is in there. My wee spare bedroom looks quaintly pleasant and inviting.

I worked on the room until about 2pm this afternoon. I stopped to help my partner prepare for his incredibly long shift. Then I got some of the dust and cleaning grime showered off of me and I headed to Hinton to have dinner with my friend, Raven Nightsong. It was so good to see her and I had a great time.

Tomorrow I will finish the final part of the cleaning project. Dust, vacuum, clean the windows, mirrors and put clean linens and blankets on the bed. I actually washed every blanket and comforter I found in the closet. And then maybe I will start on my previously planned project. To clean out the little building near the garage. I really want to do that before winter.

However, my inner self may come up with another project before I can get to that. We will see.
All I know is I feel like a big weight was lifted off of me and I can breath deeper. I don't know why I feel that way but I do. And its good! It pleases me deeply.

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Hive, The Web, The Nest

I moved to my house last November. Since the house was left to me by my parents, I actually began clearing out and trying to organize a year or so before this. I gave away almost two rooms of furniture, clothes and small appliances. Then when I actually moved to West Virginia I gave away over half of my things in Virginia.

Still I was cramped and it looked overcrowded. So I culled the whole thing and donated another room full of stuff. I kept the things that I just could not bear to part with for various reasons.

I have an office that is crammed with things. Ok, I can live with that. We can walk around and maneuver. The room is serviceable and all our papers are in one place along with our computers. The room is pleasant despite being crowded. The rest of house is orderly and not crowded looking.


Then my partner moved his collections to the house.

Well to make a long story short, my spare bedroom became a storage room of boxes. Ugh! It started to bother me. In fact it bothered me so much that I put off clearing out a small outbuilding beside the garage until I get some order in there.

I began yesterday after I got my partner off to work. I emptied the large closet, vacuumed and dusted it out and put the boxes of my mothers knicknacks in the closet. ( I just cannot get rid of them yet..my heart won't let me even though I don't want them lying around all over the house)

That is as far as I got. The room looks like it was bombed. I am amazed at the amount of stuff that closet held. Even though it is large.

At 2 am I stopped. I haven't gone back in there. I am stumped about what to do with all that stuff. I am confused and undecided. I have found three bags and one box that I will definitely take to the Salvation Army. The rest?? I don't know. Then I got to thinking about other changes I wanted to make. But I am not decorator and I want to make use of the things that are here.

I do not have the income I had in Virginia. So I have to be very frugal.

Ok..this is going somewhere I promise! But this is just to kind of explain where I am right now.

I got up this morning and was sitting on my back porch. It is a beautiful day. I did my morning prayer/meditation/Reiki thingie. After expressing gratitude for all of my many blessings. (let's face it..my present dilemma is a joyous one compared to the awful things I lived through in the past years.)

I then asked for guidance to make my thinking and focus clearer when arranging my house. And asked my Guides to give me some direction about the best way to sell some of the things I am willing to give up.

I decided to practice conscious projection again and I began my journey where I saw the man glowing green with the copper head traveling beside him.

see: Really Gone to Ground this Time (September 8, 2011)

Grandmother Spider

I saw him but he was walking out of his little cave into the sunlight. I could hear the water fall and see the trees, grass and flowers. I think I may have gone into some kind of vivid dream state. I followed him until we got to a huge spider web. The spider was the size of a house cat with gray and silver bristles. She was beautiful.

The man with the copper head beside him stopped and gestured to her with his arms and inclined his head. He told her she was beautiful. I bowed my head respectfully but didn't say anything.

She climbed down her web and looked at me. I sat on the ground in front of her. I was kind of skittish but reminded myself that I was in an interesting dream. She spoke to me but not in a voice I could hear. It was like listening to her from a phone in my ear and head. She said this," I do not make my web to compare to other webs. I weave it for my own pleasure and use.
When I find and focus on my own design then my web is pleasing, useful and perfect for me.

The glowing man got up, he and his copper head moved down a path. I thanked the spider and tried to catch up.

Lady Honey Bee
I found him in front of a huge hive. The bees were moving all around it. I stayed very still.
A very large red bee came out and buzzed around us. I bowed my head and sat. I was a little surprised that I didn't get swarmed because the bees were very very close to me.

She hovered near me. I could smell her in the dream. It was familiar but kind of elusive. Like a mixture of cooked corn and apples. That is the best way I can describe it. It was very pleasant. Her buzzing was deep and I could feel it in all my energy centers. I didn't hear any words but I found words in my head, like a head text. The words were, "A home needs balance. Here the drones do their work and I do mine and we create harmony. If you are a Queen without drones then your home will be out of sync. Too much comfort without order leaves no place for the workings of the spirit.

If you are a drone without a Queen, too much order without comfort leaves no place for nurturing the spirit.

You must be the balance between the Queen and the drone for comfort, order and growth of the spirit.

I thanked the Queen Bee and her drones and continued to follow the man with the copper head.


Father Crow

I followed him to an opening in the trees. It looked a lot like a spot I sit in up my little hollow. I sat on the rock with the man and waited. I heard the crows cawing back and forth and smiled. Because I love that.

As I was thinking that a large crow flies down and stands in front of the rock I am sitting on. I felt a big feeling of happiness in my heart. He was very large and black. I greeted him with my voice. I could hear it clearly in my dream. I said," Hello Father Crow". I bowed my head respectfully. He began to make loud cawing noises and the other crows began flying from tree to tree. The large crow said nothing to me but a feeling like a long lost memory surfaced. The flying and cawing made something come from inside me.

Make my nest as strong, comfortable and protective for me and my loved ones as I can, but never become so attached to it that it calls your attention away from life. Be ready to fly into life with wonder and a sense of adventure. The nest is very important but my true home is carried in my heart connected to those around me. Not a place or things. Home is a state of being.

I thanked the crow verbally. I said, "Thank you Father Crow." That's all I could get out.

My dog kind of woke me up then. It started as a meditation but it became like some sort of dream state. This is the second time this has happened while I was up and fully awake but meditating. I kind of like it and what a difference it made! So much so that even though it sounded crazy I HAD to put it here.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Advise or Just Listen?

It's a dilemma that I come across more and more. It didn't used to be a dilemma because if anyone came to me with a problem or concern to share; I chimed in with advice and directions without a qualm. Whether I was asked to share my opinion or not.

For the last year or so, I noticed that I don't just jump in with my advice guns loaded. In fact I am now hesitant to offer advice but very open to just listening.

This occurred to me a few months ago when one of my friends was sharing some troubles she was having and actually asked for my advice. I hesitated and actually admitted that I had no advice on how to resolve the specific issue.

What I did offer; besides my ears and heart for listening, were techniques I utilized to calm my emotions and anxiety enough to handle the anxiety and emotional pain. The pain and anxiety that some of these life issues bring us.

Techniques like self treating with Reiki, deep breathing, energy circulation, detaching from the emotions for a bit and observe and feel them. I always add mediation and prayer as things I utilize as well. These are the steps that work for me in almost every situation.

I have also noted that in many situations listening is the best approach. Sometimes it is the most comforting and helpful. To listen without interrupting the person. To truly and honestly pay close attention to what the person experiencing pain and trouble is saying.

At one time I believed that to not offer advice was a sign of apathy. But now I know it is the highest order of empathy.

Sooo, take my advice and just listen.


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What I learned from my Tomato Plants

I harvested 12 tomatoes from my tomato plants. And they are beautiful. I am grateful for their heroic efforts to produce despite my amateur gardening skills. It was my first attempt at planting a garden and I learned a lot.

I loved watching every step of the growth of the plants from tiny to large. My heart was strengthened by the way the plants effort to thrive combined with my effort to nurture.

I have learned something really valuable from this. About gardening and about life. My life expands with my attempts to venture outside my comfort zones of experience and knowledge. To have a desire to take a step toward something that is beyond my experience was the first step. To find out the rudimentary first steps for aiming myself to align with the desire to learn something new.

From this action I acquired more knowledge about growing vegetables. Especially tomatoes. They need a place with more direct morning sunlight. They require a lot of water. The ground around their roots requires a healing space that is free of choking weeds. They need extra food that sometimes the ground does not provide.

This experience has made my heart happy. Now that I know a little bit more about the tomatoes by watching and nurturing their growth, I am so grateful for the small harvest that I was able to receive. To me it was huge. Now it's time to help the plants to their next cycle.


And in the rest of my life to remember these simple techniques to expand away from my comfort zone. Just take the step, learn, experience the challenge and take the next step.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Back from a busy week and a half!

I haven't written anything for a few days. Not because I got tired of my blog. Oh no. I was away. I went to the Roanoke area the last two weekends for some classes and did not take my computer. No time for that. It has been very busy and a teensy bit tiring. But oh so rewarding.

It will take me a few days to collect myself (and my messy house and mountains of laundry). But I know in my heart I have expanded my knowledge and ability base. My energy is vibrant despite my body's weariness.

For now I am going to drink a big glass of ice water and go curl up with a book. I am reading a book that was written in the late 40's or maybe the early 50's by Joan Grant, "The Winged Pharaoh." It is a great book.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I found a beautiful little shop

A couple of months ago; while my daughter was visiting me, I found the nicest little shop in Fayetteville, WV. We were out exploring the countryside and found "Stone Goddess" shop right past the little vintage theater and the Cathedral Cafe.

We loved it and the store's owner, Carole, was so warm with such a kind spirit. My daughter and I felt instantly at ease. I went there yesterday with my sister. And I really enjoyed seeing Carol again and the wonderful atmosphere of her little shop. And to top it all off, she is so reasonably priced.

Needless to say I was able to stock up on some things that I was starting to run out of. Like incense and I found some small gems I wanted to use with my healing work.

It is the second store I have found in my area for things I like that are not sold in regular stores. Between Healthsmart in Beckley and Stone Goddess in Fayetteville, I am hooked up. Yes indeed!

I can't wait to go back to her store.

I had a great weekend but I have too much to say and too much to do to prepare for my next round of classes. I leave tomorrow again. This time we will be doing some clinical work in a facility.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Leaving for Roanoke for weekend class

I am getting ready to go for my class for the Healer's Apprenticeship Program I have been working on for the last year and a half now. I absolutely love it and I am so grateful that I am able to go this weekend. This weekend delves deeper into Shamanic principle and practice.


I always anticipate these classes so deeply. The last one I attended about 6 weeks ago was on Herbal Plant Spirit. The classes are intense and I am tired at the end of the weekend. However, I am also charged and excited by the things I learned and practiced that helps me fine tune my own abilities. I always gain a deeper knowing of myself.

The petulance of yesterday has passed, for the most part. I acknowledged that I felt it and just kind of moved on. Like I do now with the stray anxiety attack I have had here and there. It is so mild compared to previous times that sometimes I just acknowledge it briefly and go on about my business. Later I will realize it stopped and I didn't even notice when. That's how residual emotional discomforts are now. I work through the larger portion of it..and then the residual just kind of evaporates because of lack of further steam to fuel the big obstructive emotional reactions.

I gotta go and finish getting ready. I am so excited! I will, of course, write all about it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Petulance

I am experiencing a bout of petulance. I am not sure why or how it started. I just know it's here and I am in the process of observing it.

I think it started with me worrying if I would get the last of my "home" projects completed before the weather became cold and wet this fall. It then proceeded to go down hill from there. I got to thinking about what an alien I am here. All out self pity busted out then. That is until I got a hold of myself.

It's like a runaway train. One thing leads to something else. Pretty soon I am bummed, irritable, negatively projecting my messed up ego/emotions all over the place.

Now, I am wise enough to know now that I cannot shove it away or resist it. That makes it bigger and I have to deal with it later. So I just gathered up what I was feeling at that moment and acknowledged it.

I then gave equal time to all the things that were so amazing in my life right now. I made an agreement with myself that I may be tired and maybe missing my friends a bit. Then I gave the whole shebang Reiki. And it did help. I am pleased I caught myself before it became a full blown depressing and draining inner struggle.

I will nurture myself to the best of my ability. Be my own best friend right now. Because something in me was triggered bothered me enough to bring forth this array of uncomfortable feelings.

Monday, September 19, 2011

My plants are strong and healthy but did not produce a lot of fruit

I put in a small garden this year, as I probably mentioned a hundred times on this blog. I am a real amateur but I did pretty well. I watered the plants and kept the weeds back. I gave Reiki to my plants everyday. I enjoyed watching them grow.

And grow they did. But they were a little slow in producing. My peppers were tiny, my cucumbers came in and were good but there were not many of them. My tomatoes were really late but when they came they were very round, large and green. I finally had to pluck them from their vines. I don't know if they will ripen or not.

I was thanking the Elements and The Source for helping me grow this little garden. It gave me great pleasure. And I got these words, "Your plants were strong and healthy but did not produce abundant fruit. The next planting will reveal what was missing because it will be time for you to know."

Ok? Sooo, what does that mean?

I took it to mean I am on the right track and I am getting the hang of living a different way with different goals that fit my life right now. But I have a ways to go before I fully realize my place, my purpose and become truly fruitful. The roots of my life are producing healthy plants and the fruit will come as I grow into it.

I produced some beautiful petite cucumbers and large green tomatoes. That is just a start of my journey. But I am grateful for how far I have come, progressed and grown. I am looking forward to being truly and abundantly fruitful.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Insolence of My Ego or Reviewing Old Patterns

This is an excerpt from a journal I started a year and a half ago. Before I made the big exodus to West Virginia. I was amazed that it is as valid now to me as it was then. Even more so because I have corrected much of the issues just by being aware and practicing Acceptance. I am slowly making progress and I tell you it feels good. To be free of some of this is like being able to take a deeper breath of air.

Amazing.

Here it is:


After months of observing my inner workings with the lessons of "Acceptance"; I can see more clearly how I have allowed my ego to insidiously control more and more of my emotional responses. It is difficult to put into words what I perceive in myself when this happens but I will try.

A stimulus occurs, for example, someone I do not trust or like very well will come to me at work and tell me something I need to do. If it is something that makes no sense to me..or I have already done this; I immediately become irritated. And then the process of my ego kicks in. It jangles my emotions to the point I begin to dredge up every other time in my life I felt this way until I am overwhelmed with this helpless kind of frustration.

My ego and emotions are not being controlled by my will. My "shadow self' is still in the background goading me at times.

Why does this happen?

I can only ascertain that it is related to all the buried and repressed emotions I have still inside me. The times my feelings were hurt, felt a frustrated sense of being overwhelmed with no recourse to fall back on. The times I felt left out of something (probably illusional)..or felt I was judged wrongly. I buried this and didn't acknowledge how I was feeling in a healthy way..and it stayed down in me..growing in other forms. Like nasty misshapen mushrooms growing in a dark damp place.

My "dark or shadow self" finds opportunities to send the message of this to my ego who in turn alerts my emotions. I perceive that I shut energy circulation down to ponder and obsess over this. Self pity and fear are what I sense as the most prevalent incendiary devices igniting my self righteous indignation and subsequent increased self pity.


Oh and the worse and most embarrassing thing I find myself doing..is to perceive and insult or slight and then react to it by "punishing" the other person by shutting them out or ignoring them. In the long run that is more harmful to me than anything.

What should I do to stop this?

It can be stopped but requires honesty within myself and a focused will to heal myself. By continuing to mindfully practice "Acceptance"; I believe I can see the patterns of my personality that were previously hidden to me..they were so reflexive by nature and automatic.

And my insolent ego so cleverly and with stealth drops little tidbits to get me started.. It is kind of comical when I think of it this way.
The truth is I must trick my ego/emotions. To teach my inner workings another way that is equally reflexive but healthier to process stimuli.

It is impossible to be human and not have perceived hurtful situations. The trick is not to live in the entire litany everytime something uncomfortable happens.

So my plan of action?


Continue mindfully practicing "Acceptance" using the steps of center, balance and focus to help me keep flowing.

To deliberately raise my vibrational level daily through Auric circulation exercises or meditation or both

To circulate my aura frequently.

To Reiki myself daily ..physically and emotionally

To keep my heart center open and flowing

To go through the "formula for emotional control" as much as possible.

To recognize the signs of my ego/emotional response before it gets out of hand and acknowledge it for what it is.

To thank my "dark side" for trying to make things better..but show it better and more healthy ways to accomplish this..(haha)

Trailing Thoughts on the Matter

Doing this has opened my eyes a bit. I can see that most humans do compensate for what they perceive as a lack in themselves or a inferiority by allowing their egoic/emotional response to commiserate and validate these feelings. Whether it be with self pity, anger, self righteousness, intolerance.

But the human race is not my responsibility..My job is to free myself from this prison that I have constructed.
To see clearly that the majority of the things I emote, agonize and fret over are illusional and the ones that aren't are made worse by my internal battle with myself. I don't fix anything I just make myself feel bad, shut my energy down and everything else around me gets shut out. Good things, beautiful moments, opportunities pass me by because I am too busy feeling sorry for myself or being scared or insulted.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Reiki for my pets, Karuna® or Usui?

I give Reiki at home a lot. To my mate, my land, myself, the trees and plants and animals etc... I give my two cats and my dog Reiki daily. It is interesting to see their reactions and how they receive it.

With the cats, Missy and Sabrina, I noticed early on that they liked Reiki but not hands on. They like to be near my hands or in the space I am giving it. My dog, Evie, on the other hand, loves hands on Reiki. At times when we are sitting together; she will push the area she wishes to be treated against me.

My cats don't react any differently to Usui or Karuna®. My dog definitely does. When I am giving her Usui Reiki, she just totally relaxes. Stretching or leaning on me. And if I would sit there for hours giving it, she would stay there too. When I give her Karuna® she leans in for a few minutes and then starts to get fidgety. If I give it to her without my hands on, she is still fidgety. She doesn't run away or act uncomfortable. She just keeps moving her body around.

So I switch frequently. Sometimes I have the feeling she would benefit from Karuna®, so I give it for a couple of minutes and then switch to Usui. I switch again to Karuna® for a few minutes with my hands above her body and then back to Usui.

Today when I changed back to Usui, my dog stretched out, let out a satisfied sigh and closed her eyes. Interesting.

I asked my partner if he noticed a difference between the Karuna® and Usui. He told me that Karuna® felt tingly and invigorating. It woke him up if he was feeling sluggish or tired. Usui he liked because it was so relaxing and helped him sleep. Hmmmm..

When I give Reiki to myself I notice slight and subtle differences but nothing major. I like both. Sometimes I feel Karuna® reaches a little deeper with more intensity in a shorter time frame. Usui is gentle and warm. It reaches just as deep but in a softer way.

I will continue to observe this just for my own experience base. I am so thankful for Reiki in general. Usui, Karuna® or any type. I am thinking the next kind I would like to take is Rainbow Reiki. But first things first. I have other Holistic Healing projects and classes in the works. Then I will see.

I will wait for my "Inner Guidance" to direct me. Until then I will be giving Reiki to everyone and everything in my environment.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Climbing up the hill doesn't always mean struggle. Sometimes it means, progress.

Now, I know my title sounds like I am in the midst of a difficult struggle..but it's not what I mean. Climbing up the hill doesn't always signify a struggle. I frequently like to climb up hills so I can get a more of an all inclusive view. It requires effort but it is worth it. It is exhilarating and I am so pleased with myself and my surroundings when I accomplish this.

So I have contemplated the "journey" that taught me to enjoy what is happening around me and what I am seeing without always waiting for the big proverbial ax to fall. I am getting better at catching myself doing this. And it has made a difference in my thinking now that I am aware of my patterns.

I will continue to observe myself. As I observe myself I become more aware of these patterns. It appears that awareness by itself has helped me evolve my thinking a bit. Now I will take it a step further and begin my day with this awareness and ask for guidance to correct these internally. This is where I begin climbing uphill. It is about progress which entails some effort but not a struggle. And while I am on the hill, I can see things so much clearer than before.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I am quietly here

I haven't written for a few days. I have actually been working on the advice from my previous post. To stop living in anticipation of pain, disaster and trouble. I thought I was reasonably aware of my inner workings but to be honest; I was shocked to find how many times I consistently and automatically think of bad things that could happen in any situation.

It is subtle and so familiar at first I didn't notice so much. But as I began to really observe my inner workings. There it was. And now as I notice it beginning..I gently remind myself to 1) take note of the moment I am in. Observe where I am and what I am doing. 2) Observe what my thought patterns are. 3) Gently redirect my thought patterns with reassurance that the thing, situation, event or circumstance that I am fretting over and trying to avoid has not happened. It is a fear or anxiety I have. I am trying to fix, head off, ward off or avoid a potential problem that may never occur. 4) Take a deep breath, think of all the things in my life to be grateful for and step into the "state of acceptance".

This is where I am right now. It is amazing the difference I can see already in my thinking, emotions and the added enjoyment of minute to minute life that usually escapes me while I am working myself up for trouble that may not happen. Once again, being aware of what I do and acknowledging it have worked well in this endeavor.

And as always, Reiki and meditation help this process a lot.

I will continue to work on this.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Really Gone to Ground this time

I have a great love of the land my house is sitting on. It is the same land my great-grandparents and grandparents lived. My father and grandfather were raised on this property. My parents lived here after my father retired from the Air Force until their death. I spent all of my summers here, playing in the woods and climbing the side of the mountain.
I am so glad I decided to move here after so much self-deliberation and anxiety about what to do with it.

On Labor Day of this year I decided to consciously project into the heart of my land.
I prepared and made the bridge. I asked my Guides and power animal to be with me.
I crossed the bridge and projected myself into the ground. I saw the place that I go down to meet my power animal. In the tree with the tunnels. I followed my power animal into the tunnel that glowed a dull green. It was like entering a cave. It was illuminated dimly but I could not see any type of lighting device. The room of the cave got wider.

Now at this point, I cannot honestly say what happened. I am not sure if I dozed off and was dreaming but it seemed so real and I remember every detail.

When we got into the middle of the large cave room, I began to communicate my love and gratitude for this land. As I began to send Reiki, my power animal lay beside me.
Something felt different and I looked over to where my power animal was gazing. Right in front of us was an image that looked like a man with a strangely shaped hat. I could not make out any specific features. He was glowing a dull green and things appeared blurred to me.
The reason I am wondering if it was a dream is the man began to talk to me. In words I could understand. Here is what I can remember of what he said.

“It is good that you are so thankful for the gifts of this life. But you live in fear of the pain too much, still.”

I didn’t know what to say or what to ask. I had the feeling to say nothing and just listen. He said other words but I couldn’t understand it. Either he was talking to fast or he wasn’t speaking English. My Guides and my power animal were there but I did not perceive any translations coming from them. As he said words I did feel dizzy and breathless. As he continued talking I noticed a shape emerging from the shadows beside the man. It became crystal clear to me even though everything else remained blurred.



It was the shape of a very large copperhead. It was curled up and it’s head was swaying. I
thought it was beautiful but I was kind of scared of it. I love snakes but I don’t pet them
or get close. I only touch them if I want to move them so they don’t get killed. And I probably wouldn’t try to move a copperhead.

The man kept talking and the room began to get very warm. I could feel my Guides and my power animal and I knew I was supposed to stay and listen.
The snake moved closer. The man spoke words and this time I knew I was supposed to stick my arm out for the snake to bite.

I was apprehensive but I could feel it was the correct thing to do so I held my arm out in front of the snake.

I was very scared waiting for the snake to bite me. I could feel myself shaking and asking
My Guides to help me calm down. The man asked me in English, “Are you scared?” I had to be honest and say, “Yes, very, I feel like running away.” After I said that the snake moved it’s head to my arm and I almost blacked out. It did not bite me, it flicked it’s tongue over my arm and then sat by the man again.


(Please overlook the shaky format. I wrote the whole thing down first. Then copied and pasted it here.)

The man said very clearly,” Life is pain and gifts. Pain helps us appreciate the gifts more but you must not live in anticipation of pain all of the time.” The rest of it I cannot remember verbatim so this is my interpretation. Anticipating pain does more damage than the actual thing that causes it. Also I need to express and feel the fullness of joy of the gifts in my life without marring or dulling them by anticipating something painful to happen.


It was then I noticed that even though there was an impersonal air in the mannerisms of the snake and the man there was also a warmth surrounding them. I felt it in my heart so strong.

Somehow I managed to thank the man and the snake for their words and lesson. Then I came back to myself. I thanked my Guides and my power animal but they stayed with me for a while. My energy was really rolling after this, especially in my heart center. I was dizzy, crying and it felt like a dam had burst inside of me. I remembered to ground myself. I imaged my feet going right down into the dirt where I was sitting. My energy settled.


After this I felt great but the experience stayed with me. And has since it happened. It has changed me a little. It has been three days since this happened. I notice more and more I have a heightened awareness of myself and how I am thinking and emoting. My heart center has opened up more than ever. However, when I think about it, I become tearful. I can’t control it. It makes my heart center open so wide that the feeling of it makes me cry.
I don’t understand how this happened during this projection. I am grateful but surprised.


Little by little it is making more sense to me but yet I can’t put it all into words.