Friday, June 29, 2012

Reminder to self: Life is an Adventure

I am feeling a bit put out with life in general today. A little discouraged, disillusioned and confused with a dash of anger to add to the mix. Why?? It really doesn't matter. I know what the trigger is but to be honest, it isn't big enough on it's own to inspire this wave of discontent.

I have been trying to get into a local herbal medicine class since last February. I have jumped through all the hoops, signed the papers, gone to all the pre-class interviews etc. I was told as soon as there were enough students, the class would start. I dutifully called every two weeks to find out when and if the class would be starting. I was always told, "not yet, but soon, maybe in a couple of weeks."

Well finally they called and told me to come and fill out another application and take an introductory class. So I did. After arriving there I found out that a class had started in April and was just now finishing up. What??? How could that be???

At first I was stunned, then frustrated and confused...and then I became angry. I processed it all...allowed myself to feel it. And yes, I even cried about it. (After I got home, of course)
I am savvy enough to know enough about myself now, to recognize my reaction is not just about this discovery. It is a trigger for long buried reactions, responses, emotions that I repressed. Add the "insolence of my ego" into the mix, and you have a recipe for exaggerating the impact of this oversight.

I would like to say I am over it. I know it sounds like a small thing to react so strongly to but it was a very important step for me. However, after processing the flood of emotions that swept over me because of this, I find that the initial intensity has faded a lot.

In fact, I am now in a place where I can hear my inner self saying, "everything happens for a reason, in it's own way and in it's own cycle". I believe it. I have done everything I can do to be available for this class when it comes up again and now I will just move along with my own projects. Keeping my eyes and heart open. Who knows what could come along.

I have no idea what could happen next or what I could find. What I do know is this: I do not want bog myself down agonizing over being overlooked for the class. I don't want to be held down and captive by my emotions and my ego over any issue. I want to process the things that bother me, learn from it, release it and move forward. I want to see what could happen next.

I want to continue proving to myself that life is an adventure, not a prison sentence.

Saturday, June 23, 2012


It's been over a week since I last wrote. It's not that I didn't want to or I ran out of things to say. No, indeed. After a few unsuccessful attempts to write here, it finally occurred to me that I am not supposed to right now. I am in "Observation" mode.

What am I scrutinizing and studying so closely? I am observing life patterns. Particularly mine.
Things that I had done unconsciously for years and years, I am noticing. I believe it is helping me approach healing in a more effective manner

Life here in the physical plane, in this country, is in the process of change. The change started long ago but it's like anything else. We will hang on to the old ways through tooth and nail. It reminds me of trying to stay in a house that is getting ready to fall. Held together with duct tape and wire. Sometimes we need to just let go of the old ways, walk out of that tumbling down house and stop trying to hold the old ways together.

Of course, it is stressful to move out of comfort zones...but the fear and anxiety that is generated from trying desperately to keep things the "way they were" causes way more stress in the long run. I am no different than everyone else except I have had some experience with drastic changes.

I never get used to it..but I have started to recognize some of the signs that life, as I know it, is changing..faster and faster. Now it is happening on a larger scale.

Life as we knew it, in this country, is over. The foundations we believed in..the trust that we had of those in positions of power to work for the good of all was just a huge illusion. Like the Tower card in the Tarot...A flash of insight reveals the painful but necessary truth. The longer we try and hold the illusions together, we are only deluding ourselves and prolonging the inevitable.

We are all responsible for our own well being. And scary as this all sounds, it is best to know the truth. It is best to face it, process it and then see things for the way they really are here. Observe the situation and then proceed, one step at a time.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Issues of Healing

I am all about healing. First for my own self healing and the healing of others. Healing is a primary focus for me now. Especially emotional healing. I have found that many of my physical ailments are rooted in unresolved, repressed and unprocessed emotions. I can see that this is the case for most of us.

As a nurse in a clinical setting, my primary focus has to be clinically appropriate and that means I follow doctor's orders, assess patients in a scientific way and monitor conditions. It is becoming more difficult for me to do patient care in this way. In my mind it compartmentalizes and focuses only on the physical body instead of treating the whole body, mind and spirit. It is beginning not to make much sense to me.

My healing modalities of choice are: Reiki, Auric Circulation and Cleansing, Chakra Cleansing and Balancing, Meditation, Plant Medicine and Shamanic Healing. There are more but these I have been formally trained or I am in the process of receiving formal training for.

Reiki and Meditation are the methods I use the most. The other ones I mentioned are much more involved and require more time for planning and delivery.

I actually have a small Reiki practice...and yes, I even do long distance treatments for people who call me and ask me to.

While my clinical practice as a nurse and my practice as an energy healer are different in procedure and structure; the two things that are the same for both practices.

First and foremost: I only give treatment to those who have requested the treatment and gave permission for it.

Second and as important as the first one: I guard the privacy of my clients in both settings and that means I regard the treatment I give, any information about the client that I know because of giving treatment to be privileged and very confidential.

These two things are very important to me in both of my practices, morally and ethically.

Years ago when I began learning about Reiki and receiving my attunements for each level; I was amazed at how subtle yet soothing Reiki felt. I wanted to Reiki everyone and everything. I thought it would be good for everyone.

I didn't do this because in my very first Reiki class, the teacher spent an enormous amount of time explaining that a practitioner never gives a treatment without the potential recipient's direct request for Reiki and permission to treat. No matter how beneficial the treatment would be for the person, it would be ethically or morally incorrect without permission.

I have strictly observed this from the beginning of my Reiki practice. Even though at first I didn't understand. Now, I have a clearer knowing of why this is important. People have their reasons for not wanting Reiki or other types of "energy" healing. That is their right. It is not for me or anyone else to decide for them.

Privacy issues are very important as well. When giving any type of "energy" healing to someone, it affects them on every level. Physical, Emotional and Etheric. A lot of times emotions are released during a treatment and the client will cry, become angry or need to talk about issues that they have buried for years. The client needs to trust and know the practitioner will respect and honor the confidential nature of the treatment and all it entails.

I feel the trust and respect between the practitioner and the client is one of the basis of a successful and beneficial treatment.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

My Personal Case Study on Working The Formula for Emotional Control

Since we moved to West Virginia, my "husband to be", life partner (I am just too damned old to have a has been the main provider of our income. He took a job that involves a lot more hours, working at night and makes less than a third of what he made in Virginia.

The only time he complains is when they mess with his schedule or he has to drive on roads that are nearly impassable. There are times when he will work 10-14 (12-14 hour) shifts in a row. He does it. But they messed up again. This time they did NOT even put him on the schedule for this week until Sunday.

When something like this happens, first and foremost, he cannot sleep when he gets home. He is very stressed because of the lack of hours. He looks troubled and is listless while he tries to figure out what to do about the problem.

When I was younger I would have stepped in and started throwing around all kinds of directives and advice. I don't do that anymore. I just try to ride the thin line of being supportive while he figures things out, give my opinion if he asks for it..and try to curb my own anxiety. Cause it affects me, too.

My mind s running with unkind thoughts of the managers scheduling like this. It is ludicrous. But I hold my tongue and process my anxiety and frustration..and I do not add to the anxiety pool building fast around my guy.

I am sending Reiki to the situation with the intent of having a solution found for the greatest good for all concerned. I am giving him Reiki to help him stay calmer while he thinks about how to approach this newest problem.

I am all the while observing this situation. And what happens to people when a stressor that could effect the rhythm of life in the physical appears.

Is this really important and detrimental enough to cause such a strong reaction and response? Part of me thinks not. The deep, detached and otherworldly part of me.

The part of me that is connected to the physical world...speaks for itself and it reacts. I think the reactions are as a result of seeing the stressor as a threat. ???

I will use the formula for emotional control to test it.:

The stimulus is my partner's schedule indicates he is not working all of next week except for Sunday.

Perception: this is perceived as a potentially problematic situation

Interpretation: this is interpreted as a threat to our finances (which are whittled down and wobbly at best) and the double issue is it appears to affect my partner's self esteem? or maybe his ego? I am not sure..he takes this personally, regardless which one it affects.

Reaction: This is the point the feelings engage. My partner feels upset and unable to sleep. He is quiet and when he does talk he verbalizes how there are no other jobs around here and we are going down the tubes.

Response: His face becomes grimmer and grimmer. Lack of sleep is starting to show. He has escalated from a little worried over a possibly minor issue and it is now a major life threatening issue in his mind.

Action: He begins frantically looking in the paper and online for other jobs and going through his vast hockey card collection to start selling on ebay.

At some point, I believe after working through this process repeatedly, he will just call his supervisor and discuss the matter. That's what he always does..and it works until the next time.

As for stimulus is his reaction to his stimulus.

My perception is two fold...this could be a financial problem and he is very upset.
(It is at this point I believe "Emotional Contagion" really takes hold.)

My interpretation is ..geez I am going to have to go back to working as a nurse in a facility full time again. What are we going to do?

At the response part...I begin to get a hold of myself and start to Reiki the situation. And ask my Guidance to help me process any of my emotional discomfort about this. If I have plans for the day usually gets condensed. It seems that times like these kind of steal my motivation.

My reaction is to remain calm and go about the necessities of life.

My action is to continue processing the discomfort this type of thing brings..and observe it..utilizing the State of Acceptance. Go within, strengthen my auric field and circulate my energy.

That's my plan for this troubled day...

I can see it is a big deal to my partner..and it has an effect on me because I don't like to see him upset.

This is so interesting to me. I am going to watch these times a bit closer.

Wow, while I was writing this, my partner finally got on the phone, called his work and asked what the problem was. It was a mistake. An oversight.

Look how this changed the course of our day and it was a mistake. How many times as humans do we become so distraught over things like this only to find out it is not a big deal.
Most of our reaction has to be how we perceive an event, action, situation or words.

I am amazed at the nature of humans. We are so intricately wired and yet so resilient. But it makes me wonder how many times do we actually cause ourselves to suffer needlessly? hmmmmm..

Friday, June 8, 2012

Adventures of Hedral

I am not young and I have a LOT of life experience under my belt. However, there are some things that I have not done yet. I did two of these things today.

This morning before I left for work, my partner loaded up three boxes of glassware that I have stored for a couple of years now. I don't want it but it belonged to my mother and my sister. Both of which have already exited this physical plane and moved on to the next level. And that alone made these things hard to part with. But how long am I going to keep them in the closet?? Really?

After work I headed to Beckley and went to a consignment store. Now I have been an avid fan and shopper of consignment stores but never have I taken merchandise in to sell. Today I did. It was interesting...and I think I like the idea.

The second thing I did today that I have never done before..was use a self checkout at Walmart for more than three things..I had a cart full...Now I seem to have some issue when I have only one or two items..but a weeks worth of grocery shopping..omg.

It was hilarious..Thanks Be the Walmart guy assisting in this area was so patient. But I did it. And I got it now. I learned the basics...Don't put your purse in the bagging messes up not put items directly from the scanner into the cart...that also messes up the computer...

I am tired but happy tonight. I know how two more things of man made illusion work.

I mean I agree with my Guides..about not becoming a part of the Big Illusion..but it helps to know how to work the illusion.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

New Endeavors

I have had a fairly busy week. Busy in good and healthy ways. I started out kind of slow and then the pace picked up. It's fine as long as I don't become stubbornly focused on self imposed deadlines. As long as I can stay in my "own flow" while accomplishing things.

Tomorrow I am going to do something I have never done in my life. I have huge amounts of household items. There is no way I would ever use this stuff. I already gave one salvation truck load..(and I mean loaded)..away to Salvation Army. I have 11 or 12 boxes full of things. Mostly ceramic and glass items. They are so pretty but how many do I need?? My mother treasured these things. But I need the room and I have my own taste. My daughter has already chosen the things she wants to keep. My son is not interested in decorative glassware and ceramics. No matter how old they are.

These boxes are sitting in my living room. They gotta go. That's for sure. I thought about selling the stuff at a flea market. But, honestly, I need help lugging this stuff and my little car is not big enough to haul enough to make it worthwhile. My "husband to be" cannot do it because he works long, long hours all week. Especially the weekends. I am not whining but I don't know anyone here that would be interested or able to help me haul this stuff.

I thought about advertising in the "Mountain Trader". But I am a bit leary about total strangers coming to my house. I moved here from an area that you simply could not risk that. It imprinted on me. Same with a garage sale. I simply can't imagine strange people milling around my house and garage. It is unsettling to me. Yeah, I got baggage about this..I can see it.

Then I considered E-bay..or Amazon. But sending each piece through the mail would be a pain.

I decided to try Consignment stores. The deal is with cosignment is if they agree to sell your stuff..they keep 40percent and you get 60 percent. Fair enough.

I go tomorrow with a few boxes of my stuff to have them assess whether they would be interested in selling them or not. Today I will resort and get boxes ready that I can carry easily. I am kind of excited. I decided to add some glass snack plates from the 60's. The kind that have a cup holder..and an accompanying delicate little cup.

I remember my mother using those when I was a little girl. Back in the day when ladies got together for a meetings, Tupperware and Stanley parties, card parties etc...they dressed up.
I mean stockings, gloves, dresses and high heels. It was kind of glamorous. Ok..back to the subject at hand.

I am kind of excited about this. I only made one appointment. I may try some others. 60 percent of something that is laying around collecting dust and will either get given away or broken?? Works for me. If that works I would like to sell a couple of chairs and get a Futon for my little sitting/meditation room. And I need a new vacuum cleaner.

If I had no duct tape the handle would fall off. My partner keeps telling me to go and get a new one..but I want it to be a trade off. I sell some things I don't need and will never use and buy some things I want.

I am off of work today. goals are: 1)Continue working on my continuing education units so I can renew my nursing license 2)go through the boxes to pick out and repack what I plan to take with me tomorrow after I get out of work. (I had to make an appointment for them to check my stuff out.)3) I need to continue cutting the yard. 4) Make dinner for my love before he heads out for another 14 hour day. There is more like planting the herbs sprouts I am growing on the porch. Cut the old blooms off my rose bushes. And yeah, as always, clean the house.

But trying to cram too much to stay on some kind of schedule is not going to work for me. I learned that from the last two weeks. I didn't move here to keep up the patterns I had in Virginia. I will pick two or three things that are the most important..and the rest will wait.

Ok..That's all I have to say for now. Except that I am feeling much better. Gotta get to work now.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Pacing Myself With Eyes Wide Open

I believe I am moving into another cycle. The last week or two was a bit difficult but definitely eye opening. My "living pattern" was disrupted. First by an interruption in my job, then there was major trouble with my partner's place of employment and to top it all off..his truck broke down. We managed to move through all of that. I was determined not to let that slow me down. Then I injured my leg. That was even more difficult but I hobbled along still determined not have my routine inhibited by it.

Then I came down with a nasty stomach virus on top of it all..That was it! I had to just lay there with a throbbing knee and a stomach that would not stop churning and emptying itself. Ugh...And I was forced to take a deep breath and see where I was and think about what had been happening.

I realize that in this physical plane..stuff happens. However, this was so concentrated that I could kind of see a pattern. They were not devastating catastrophe's but a series of events that appeared to escalate every time I tried to ignore the obstacles and just move around it. Until I was facing a huge road block.

There was nothing left to do but to face myself. What was I missing? What was my Inner Guidance trying to show me. I took a deep breath and made the decision to just surrender to this time and see what I needed to see. I stopped trying to keep up with all of my self imposed tasks and deadlines. I just let go. For three days I basically did nothing but meditate, give myself Reiki.

Even though physically I did not feel so good, inside or out I noticed that when I made the decision to surrender to the stand still...I felt a distinct sense of relief as I just relaxed into the events that had occurred. I begin to sense The Flow again, moving in a slightly different direction. I observed it, allowed myself to feel it and follow it with my mind, body and spirit.

I slowed down and let my body decide when it was ready to move. It's amazing because two days after I decided to do this...(I was a captive audience by then)..things began to fall in place. External events began to resolve in ways that were better than I could believe. I was amazed. Then I noticed I was beginning to feel better physically. I eased back in to my life with The Flow..yesterday I began noticing a huge influx of energy coursing through heart center was open and flowing freely. Today I am really starting to feel good. My pace and rhythm has picked up. However, I am mindful to observe and sense my direction and where I am in the Now.

I now choose Not to get so caught up in the patterns of my life that I lose sight of my Inner Flow. For that is where I need to be. I want my eyes wide open to see where I am.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

The State of Acceptance and The Day to Day Process

Things feel a bit more settled and I feel less uncomfortable. Everything here pretty much came to a standstill...I struggled against my own current and it just did not work out.

I am still trying to see what direction I am headed...I feel a pull and a rising "assurance"
deep inside me. I pretty much had to just stop my routines, physical goals, intended productivity etc and take a good long look at myself. I was pretty much forced to put myself in a State of Acceptance. Which included acknowledging that physically I hurt all over, my routines were systematically dismantled. I needed to stop all activity to sense and observe the subtle patterns emerging. From there, I began taking tiny baby steps..minute by minute.

I am still not entirely in "The Flow", however, I am closer to it. My focus right now is on "Meditation'.

This I Know

Stumbling through life has it's merits.  I can see this now.  It's messy, uncomfortable at times, enlightening, joyous, heartbr...