Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Another Assignment

Since I have become more aware and more observant of my own emotional patterns; I have noticed that there is almost a perceptible cycle. I will try and explain it in the simplest of ways..cause that's how I break it down.

It begins with a load of anxiety, worry and apprehension. My previous response would be to try and figure it out by connecting the feeling with whatever was happening in my life at the time..or shove it away.
Either way, it causes an escalation of the process. Anything we resist pushes harder.

Now I know this could be something long buried and unprocessed inside me..triggered by a word, thought or any number of tiny stimuli.

Next step is to move closer to the feeling..not trying to connect it to anything else just feel the anxiety, apprehension and discomfort the way it is. Observe it..feel what part of my body the uncomfortable feelings affect. I then begin Reiki to that area.

I observe this process to see what message there is in this discomfort. I try to cooperate with the see what it is under it. Sometimes I can "see" it..sometimes I can't. But even if I can't "see" what is under the anxiety I still come from this experience knowing myself better with a stronger sense of working through it instead of fighting myself inside. Resolution of uncomfortable issues is not my goal. Self Awareness, Acknowledgement and Acceptance is my goal.

I am beginning to see these uncomfortable times as assignments. I will work through some discomfort, contemplate what I learned about myself. My energy grows stronger, my gratitude and faith follows suit...I begin to process and notice more about life as the cycle moves along. And then one morning I wake up with apprehension again. The assignment begins all over.

Today is one of those days. I woke up with a feeling of anxiety and a strong sensation that feels a lot like anger. I am sitting with them like a hen on an egg. The feeling is strongest in my solar plexus and my second chakra. I am sending Reiki while I observe and acknowledge my discomfort. It isn't pleasant but I know I am learning something important about myself, my attitudes, my human self.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

A Message filled with wisdom, truth and beauty

I received this in my inbox from someone and I wanted to share it. It is heartwarming, thought provoking and true. It is truth for all of us. We are important to each other. No matter where we are, what color, nationality or religion. We are all here moving through life together. We are more than our egos, preconditioning and cultures. Like the web that Grandmother Spider weaves, we are connected.

Your presence, is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be, what you want it to be.
Take the days, just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through, whatever comes along.
Within you, are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams, are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important, to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy, than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember, that a little love goes a long way.
Remember, that a lot of love goes forever.
Remember, that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures, are people... together.

Realize, that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things, in a extraordinary way.
Have health, hope and happiness.
Take the time, to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget....
For even a day....
How very special you are.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Singing to the Earth

For the last 5 years or so I have experienced this strange phenomena. I am sure it is my subconscious exhibiting hidden anxieties. Whenever there are severe natural catastrophes anywhere in the world, I have the same dream. I am sitting with a woman named Elena and we are in some kind of conversation about whatever is going on at the time. Tsunami, earthquake, Floods, Tornados etc... I think it started after Katrina. I never remember the entire conversation but what I always remember is when I come to the part where I say, "What can I do?" Elena always responds with the same answer. "Sing to the Earth."

Ok, well the first time I had this dream, I had absolutely no idea what that meant. I meditated on it but I just could not get to what "singing to the earth" would entail. Was it literal? Was it cryptic? A code, a secret ritual?? I kind of forgot about it until the next time it happened.

I pondered on it a while and then decided to just take it literally. I sang to the Earth. And it felt right. Over the years I have modified my first attempt ..changed the tone, I don't use words, I utilize my "knowing" about energy work while doing it. I essentially make a little ritual of it. It has evolved a lot but the premise is still the same. Even though I don't use words, I use sounds that come to me when my Vibrational level reaches a level I sense is correct. I use tones that sound almost like chants. Sometimes I stand while raising my arms..sometimes I get on the floor and rock back and forth.

For the last year and a half I have become involved in a Healer's Apprenticeship Program. In one of my weekend classes we touched on Shamanism which I had never formally studied at all. I was surprised to find out that some of my practices were considered to be within the Shamanic tradition. And "singing to the earth" reminds me of some of the things I learned that weekend.

But nevermind doesn't matter. Putting labels and placing it in a category does not help or enhance anything about it. The truth is..My Guidance wanted me to sing to the earth. I have no delusions that I am in anyway helping the Earth. On the other is me using those times when I am anxious about the Earth's condition to remind myself of the beauty and significance of the Earth in physical life. And that, in turn, makes me more aware of my gratitude for the Earth every day.

And I am singing to the Earth. I will be sending Reiki and prayers for all those in the path of this storm.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Under the Influence: of benadryl

I was out working in my wee garden this morning. I noticed a tear in the side of the small metal building that sets close to my garden. I pressed it and a swarm of wasps came flying out. And for the first time in years I was stung. They swarmed me, stung me once and I became so angry and fearful..that they continued to sting me.

I was able to get a hold of myself and remember that I was the intruder on their home and we had not had a chance to "make the deal" (I made a treaty with the bees, wasps and spiders around my house..but that is for another day) I lost my anger and fear and suddenly they just went away. I was stung three times. Which isn't good but it could have been way worse.

I am allergic to wasps. I carried "epi sticks" for years but stopped 6 years ago. The last time I got stung I didn't have my stick kit with me. I used Reiki and Benadryl and it worked. I had no signs of Anaphylaxis. And believe me I know the signs well. So this time I did the same thing.

And it worked. I have been kind of groggy from the benadryl but no signs of swelling, tightening of my chest etc...And it would have happened hours ago if it was going to happen at all.

Today I will steer clear of the area but tomorrow..I will begin to attempt a treaty with the wasps at that location. Today I will spend quietly and sleep it off. It's good for my cold anyway.

And no, I am not going to go on a killing rampage with the wasps; armed with spray and a fly swatter. I will work on making a treaty with them. It sounds so crazy but it works.

A Poem I Found on "Enchanted Forest"

I found this on one of the sites I frequently peruse. I was so taken and inspired by this poem. It seems to cleverly embody my prayers for my inner growth and my goal as a human being.

Just to be clear this is not mine..but from "The Enchanted Forest" Web site.

(one the most classic motivational poems)
By Breeze

Promise yourself to be so s trong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel like there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living person you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.~The Optimist

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Earthquakes and Hurricanes

I, like so many others, am still surprised by the earthquake that occurred on Tuesday. I never felt a thing here. Most people I spoke to here in this part of West Virginia didn't feel it either. But in Virginia where I lived before I came here, it was pretty severe.

My daughter and my "sister" called me after it happened. They said their house shook like a washer that was unbalanced. My "sister" told me something Monday night that was very interesting and I didn't put the two together until later.

Monday night she called me to say that she saw something very strange in the sky. She described it to me. And even though I am surprisingly skeptical about UFO sightings but that is exactly what it sounded like. My partner has seen quite a few here up in the mountain when he is at work. It sounded almost like the same thing. And that's what I told her. She thought it was too.

I got off the phone Tuesday and began to wonder. I don't believe in coincidence. She saw it the night before the earthquake. What could that mean?

Then later, my daughter sent me a clip of an article where my sister's account is published along with other sightings. Hmmmmmm...

This is taken directly from the EXAMINER.COM

Virginia earthquake: 'No uptick' in UFO activity says MUFON state director

Roger Marsh, UFO Examiner
August 23, 2011 - Like this? Subscribe to get instant updates.

Major geological events like the August 23, 2011, east coast U.S. earthquake often triggers UFO investigators to search for unidentified flying object activity in the same region. One longstanding theory is that "they" know what is coming and are perhaps monitoring the situation.

The east coast does continue with fairly heavy UFO traffic reports in the third quarter - Missouri in particular these past few weeks - and there has been some reporting on a regular basis out of Virginia.

Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) Virginia State Director Susan Swiatek was reached at her home in Fairfax today - about 90 miles northeast of the epicenter at Mineral, VA - and asked to comment on any unusual UFO activity in the region prior to and during the actual earthquake.

Swiatek's comments:
"Today (August 23, 2011) at 1:51 p.m., a 5.8 earthquake hit Virginia, the epicenter being located at Mineral, which is about 35 miles northwest of the capital of Richmond.

"I heard in Mineral a woman ran out of her house just in time to see it collapse. Others are posting videos of a partial building collapse that crushed cars, but there is no indication where in the state that occurred. My husband Rob reports at our house in Fairfax the squirrels were visibly terrified as he ran out of the house. Neighbors were panicked out in the streets, but no obvious damage was seen.

"I work up in Rockville, MD, and I can tell you on the third floor here I first thought the HVAC system had gone bonkers. When the shaking got pretty violent, I thought it must be a co-worker playing with me and shaking my cubicle. I wheeled around to confront him with a smile and then I screamed as the true nature of the event was evident. Many people were running from their offices and cubes, file cabinets were flung open, pictures fell from walls and a few sprinkler heads shook loose and rained down from the ceiling. A block away from my office, plate glass windows appeared to explode as they shattered under the stress.

"With all this going on, those in the UFO community may wonder if earthlights were reported or if there was any uptick in local UFO sightings in general leading up to the quake.

"A woman in Warrenton (50 miles from the epicenter) reported the following at 10:25 p.m. the night before the quake (August 22).

"'I was inside watching cable TV. It started having trouble with the reception when a helicopter loudly passed overhead. I ran outside to look, since it is unusual for one to pass so low at such a late hour, although we are not all that far from Dulles Airport, and see them occasionally during the day, or before 9 p.m. I saw a large, round, brilliant, unwaveringly bright white light, closely followed by the helicopter, which had blinking red and white lights, seen from my angle of vision. They were heading east, in a straight-line path. The helicopter was following closely; the object was larger than the helicopter, but made no discernable noise. The helicopter was quite close to the object and obviously tailing it. I watched it until it flew out of sight, over the distant tree line. I've seen helicopters at night before; even tandem pairs, but never one following another, obviously different type of aircraft, so closely. [End Quote]'

"Two friends saw three bright, fast moving discs, one after the other in early morning on August 22 in Great Falls, VA (about 80 miles from the quake).

"'My friend and I were drinking coffee early on the morning of August 22, 2011. At approximately 6:15 a.m., the moon (and what I believe is Mars) were still visisble in the night sky. And it was between those two brightest points, we saw a white-lighted disc traveling at a very high rate of speed--faster than what could be a satellite. The altitude was approximately 50,000 feet. We watched as the object fluttered out. As we were talking about this event, the same or different object reaappears. It flies in a oblong pattern, then flutters out. A few minutes later, either the same object just closer, or a bigger one altogether reappears out of thin air, stays in the same position then flutters out. [End Quote]'

"Stepping back in time, you don't find a report until August 18. There have been no reports submitting for today (August 23). I would have to say, based upon what has been reported so far, that local 'earthlights' which are usually seen close to the ground before a quake were not seen in this case. Additionally, I can't say that an uptick in the number of 'conventional' UFOs was reported either.
"I will update my conclusion, if needed, if delayed reports are uploaded to the MUFON CMS system."

C&O Depot, Mineral, VA.
Photo by William J Grimes, Mineral, VA, 2007.
Related Topics

aliens & ufos
Virginia UFO
earthquakes & UFOs

Now the Hurricane, Irene is coming. My thoughts are already with those who are facing this on the east coast. I pray we can all put our differences aside and help each other face the things that are upon us. Mother Nature is doing her thing. It isn't good or bad. It is what it is. We just need to hang on and help each other through this wild ride. For the thing that connects us all is our vulnerability to and dependence on the Natural World.

Hmmmm..I have another cold. What could that mean?

I can't believe it. I have a cold. Without any warning it just was upon me. What does this mean? I realize now I have a distinct pattern of getting colds in the spring and end of summer. Since I was a child.

I am thankful that I am in a position to nurture myself through it. Unlike in the recent past where I just had to plow through the endless grueling days no matter what. But I also now have time to peruse this pattern. What could it mean?

In my Healer's Apprenticeship Program...the last class I attended on herbalism, the instructor spoke of something similar. About certain people getting colds and pneumonia the same time every year. It could indicate a past life issue or a person's yearly decision to live or die.

With me, I wonder if it is a past life issue. I have never really delved into that part of my being. I have had flashes of it here and there and I have spoke to my son-in-law about the relevancy of past life regression through hypnotherapy.

I am going to work with my Guides and maybe look into these seemingly regularly scheduled colds I acquire every year. At least I have not had pneumonia. This was like the first year in many I haven't. I really think it has more to do with a past life issue than an indecision about whether I want to live or not. While I am here..I choose the fullest degree. With as much joy and adventure as I can squeeze into it.

Well..I have tiger balmed my sinuses, Reikied myself for hours and now I have made some nettle tea. I will ponder this dilemma. I would really like to break this pattern.

I don't require a bout of sickness to remind me to nurture myself. I am all about self nurturing now. And not just when I don't feel well. So that much I have learned. And to help me contemplate I will be playing my favorite selection for meditation. Enjoy! I love Anugama!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Acknowledgement leads to Heightened Awareness

It has been a very nice Sunday. Pleasantly busy yet peacefully satisfying. I actually went to church today. A beautiful little church nestled in the hills. The church building's structure has remained pretty much unchanged for the last 100 years.

It was strange how comfortable I felt sitting in the pew listening to the sermon. As crazy as it sounds the words went above my usual aversion to any type of dogma and reached into this pagan heart to celebrate the shared experience of spirituality. I did not feel threatened or challenged. Of course, I did not stand up in the congregation and proclaim myself to be a Pagan either. That is not necessary. That is a label.

The truth is I am a person who celebrates life through my spirituality. For that hour I didn't think of the differences of the belief systems. I sat in a roomful of others enjoying the spiritually uplifting time of shared experience.

I feel that way when I go to a Buddhist temple or an Ashram. The shared experience of our hearts that go beyond the specific ways and means that go with each doctrine.

I got home and spent some time with my mate before he went to work. Did some yard work, housework, laundry etc...all the while contemplating the mechanisms that cause us humans to judge each other.

That brought me once again to the place where my "Guidance" always bring to my attention two important concepts. 1) It is not my job to figure out and monitor the judgmental behaviors of others. It is my business not to be judgmental. 2) Acknowledging my own inner ego driven mechanisms leads to heightened awareness of my thought patterns.

Heightened awareness of my thought patterns helps me observe what I am doing in a more objective manner. This provides me with an opportunity to redirect my thoughts to a healthier pattern.

Do I want to do this to be a nicer person? I would love to say yes but that would be a lie. I asked for this guidance and I practice this because it sets me free from the inner boundaries and prisons I make for myself. When I am less judgmental of others then I become less judgmental of myself.

Through acknowledgement of my inner workings I have been able to alleviate a lot of unwanted and unnecessary anxiety by redirecting my focus on what I want ..not what I am afraid will happen.
I am able to work with my ego and emotions and place myself into a "state of acceptance".

Is all this working? Oh yes it is. My life is so totally different now. My thoughts, my emotions are more authentic and genuine. Not a mirrored version of what I hear and see others do. I don't dislike myself, berate myself and a lot of my deep seated inferior thinking of myself has been alleviated.

I am totally fixed? No, it doesn't work that way. Living authentically is an ongoing process.
And the human condition is a powerful force. But I am not waging a war or fighting anything..I am working within myself. Utilizing the forces of the human condition as well as Guidance from a Higher Source. I still become anxious, worried and uncertain about things. But I am able to process this now instead of escalating these emotions into something bigger than they need to be.

Life is filled with possibilities and the possibilities are endless. But first I need to be open to it.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Quiet Saturday Evening

I am sitting here in my little office. My dog is lying on the floor beside my chair. It is quiet. I don't have any music on..and I am not a huge television fan. My partner is at work. His truck is fixed and he is back on the road again.

Today we spent most of our day together and it was very nice. My insides have calmed down. The intense sense of urgency has calmed considerably. I didn't get any large projects finished. I listened a lot. Took a couple of walks back up the hollow. I reflected on the past week.

I know a large internal shift has occurred inside me. I am not sure what this entails but I am sure I will find out. One step at a time. I have utilized the methods my Guidance have given me to process and cope with things that cause me to be stuck. (By being "stuck" I mean to be in a place emotionally that I cannot work through. It is as palpable as an obstruction but the cause is sometimes elusive. It holds my thoughts in a way that resembles an obsession. And causes an escalation of anxiety.)

The methods they have given me include "leaning into" the uncertain feelings, giving myself Reiki, Circulating my Aura, acknowledging and legitimizing my emotions and putting myself into a "state of acceptance".

These tools assist me by allowing me to continue the energy circulation throughout my aura, a healthier way to control my emotions, to ease anxiety that is triggered by uncertainty, to keep me connected to Higher Source and to help ground me enough to keep my awareness in the Now.

So the good news is...Even though I have an underlying sensation of uncertainty. It is causing me more curiosity than anxiety at this point. I am kind of interested in seeing what happens next opposed to being obsessively focused and worried. I am still peaceful inside. I am thankful I was able to work through my ego's hesitancy to post my writings on Emotional Contagion. It was very difficult but a huge weight lifted from me when I did. I felt a deep sense of relief that was much stronger than any embarrassment I felt at publicly revealing just how deeply entrenched in my spiritual life I really am.

I am ensconced in the Now at this time. My energy is circulating. I can sense a slight change in the vibration of my energy field. I can't put a finger on it and explain it...but it is just what it is supposed to be. There will be other things I will be guided to ponder and contemplate deeply..but for being is at rest.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Treatise on Emotional Contagion from my Inner Guidance

Emotional Contagion presents in three distinct arenas. All are fear based.

One presents as frank uncertainty, stress and anger.

One presents in Dogmatic Practice. Triggered by search for stability and acceptance of an
external source.

One presents in ‘the state of acceptance” This involves acknowledgement and legitimizing emotions. Calmness, Peace, Wisdom and Inner knowing is expressed from internal influence connected to a Higher Source.

Emotional Contagion cannot be avoided. It can be acknowledged. Acknowledgement enhances awareness and awareness heightens response ability. Emotional Contagion is not an objective specimen that one can just decide to eradicate or avoid. It is a facet of the human condition in this physical plane.

It is a mode of unconscious sharing between humans and is yet another link of connectivity among humankind.

It is a viable form of projection. It is best utilized for survival and adaptation to the environment; physical, emotional and mental.

Emotional Contagion bypasses the primitive forms of verbal communication. It speaks the truth of human
perception and expression. The truth that each human perceives and interprets subjectively becomes mirrored in those around them.

Awareness enhances the ability to filter the subjective truth with more objective truth. The truth that comes from an internal influence connected to a Higher Source.

This assists the process of sharing joy, calm, peace and love. It also assists the perception and identification of other humans’ pain, fear, depression and anger.

The potential for emotional contagion is vast. Acknowledgement and awareness gives humans in a state of acceptance heightened discernment and response ability.

Always strive to respond with compassion and empathy. This too is emotional contagion.

Inner Guidance on the Move

My Inner Guidance has T-boned me again. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful. I am the one that asked for guidance and wisdom. Sooo..that’s the way it rolls. I am Thankful but confused and a bit unsettled.

My Guides have introduced another is, of course, connected to everything else They have led me to contemplate and focus on. It seems sudden but in retrospect; I think I can see where things were leading up to the actual adamant introduction into my psyche.

It doesn’t matter because I am not that savvy and didn’t put the pieces together til later. As usual. My first full awareness occurred this past Sunday. This is Friday so it was 6 days ago. I was driving towards Beckley to run a couple of errands.

I was paying attention to the road, perusing plants on the sides of the road and listening to NPR in the background on the radio. I can’t even tell you what they were talking about. I was just heading into Eccles when I heard the two words that have shaken up my routine, my usual thought patterns etc..”Emotional Contagion”

I have no idea what the radio program was speaking about in regards to this. I just know that when I heard those two words together; everything around me slowed down and my concentration was yanked to the awareness of these words being spoken. I felt the big energy surge that comes along with sensing the close proximity of my Guidance. My hair was standing up, I had goose pimples and just hearing those words affected my entire pattern of thinking.

I composed myself and continued driving...trying to figure out what had occurred to pulled my attention so abruptly. I finished my errands and went home. I attempted to occupy my mind with my usual activities..that I always enjoy. But I just could not settle in. All I could do was think about Emotional Contagion. I had no idea what it meant..except what I could decipher from the words.

Monday after work I looked up a few things about it..I was still kind of confused..perplexed by my single minded focus on emotional contagion. All else faded into the background.

Finally, I stopped resisiting, began utilizing the ways of processing things. Things that my Guidance has taught me over the years to process issues that take my attention so fully..

As I said, I stopped resisting and “leaned into it”. In other words I allowed myself to feel fully the sensations these two words caused inside me. I gave myself Reiki, Circulated my Aura and consciously concentrated on being in a State of Acceptance.

The presence of my Guidance was physically palpable. I knew this is important whether I realized it or not.

I stayed with this for about an hour. After that..I began to sense words in my head..coming fast..and repeating over and over. That is the signal that I need to write it down. So I did. I will write what they said in my next Document but this experience in itself stands alone for intensity.

This is something that is very important for me somehow. Important for me to place my awareness on. Not to Beware..or be wary but Be Aware. My Awareness and Acknowledgment of Emotional Contagion is all my Guidance is concerned about.

I don’t need to do anything but Be. (to Be is to Do without doing) I think that is what they meant. I don’t need to understand it..because I already have this knowing. (To know without understanding why) This is merely an important review.
This is my interpretation of my Guidance’s intent.

I talked to one of my sisters about it last night and she sent me a great article on Emotional Contagion. I wrote what my Guidance gave me. And I felt more settled about it after I read to her what my Guides gave me to write about Emotional Contagion.

But I woke up this began as a niggling..and is growing as the day wears on. It is taking precedence over everything. Meditation, my housework, reading, etc..I even tried cutting the grass..and I had to stop. They (Inner Guidance) want me to write this in my Blog.

The wind against my sails have shifted...and I don’t really know what direction I am headed now. I am not off course. I have just been redirected according to my Guidance...or Directed ...cause like I said..I can see where this was coming in retrospect...maybe its the way I was always headed but it is on a need to know basis?? I have no idea.

This is very unsettling to me. My ego doesn't even want me to put this on my blog. But my Inner heart does. And that is what I follow. Writing this and putting it here is very emotionally charged for me.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

State of Acceptance in progress

My inner life has taken yet another turn. One that I cannot recognize or anticipate. It is laced with quiet solitude and periods of constant activity. My thoughts are redirected in a way that I don't comprehend. It's like I am looking out over the terrain from a new direction.

It feels very strange and yet I have this inner knowing that I need to be this way at this time. I actually caught myself attempting to resist this redirected awareness because it felt so different than my usual interests and musings. I caught myself and remembered the importance of being in the State of Acceptance. Where I am in this moment. Something is here that needs to be observed, learned, remembered, contemplated.

And so I let go to this time and let my muse go where it takes me. Who knows where it will be tomorrow, next week, next year. For that matter I have no idea what I will be doing tomorrow, next week or next year. I will keep moving under guidance. That's all I can really do right now.

It's not uncomfortable, scary or forbidding. Merely uncertain.

I am beginning to see that uncertainty is one of the true realities of this plane. At least for me.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Loving myself = healthier choices =creating a better reality?

After all these years I finally know what "peace within" feels like. I just realized this. Today was kind of unsettled and chaotic. My partner and I had some technical difficulties to deal with. Namely the busted radiator of his truck that left him stranded at work after a long 14 hour shift.

The day was weighted with uncertainties and arrangements to make to fix the problem with his truck and get him back and forth to work. On top of this he was only able to get about 4 hours of sleep before he had to get up and go back to work. But for some reason we handled it well.

When he finally was able to rest..I made him a nice dinner and got some things together that he would need. We had dinner together and I drove him to work. It was quite pleasant given the circumstances.

I think this whole thing is remarkable to me because in the past this would have been a very anxious and stressful day for me. When anything went wrong I became immediately edgy, controlling and irritable.

After dropping him off at his work..I enjoyed the scenery of the long ride home on the windy road by Coal River. I realized I felt peaceful and had been all day. Concerned, yes..but the usual anxious reactions did not kick in.

When he was getting ready to get out of the car at his work, we kissed goodbye and he thanked me for helping him today. I was surprised by this. I didn't do anything but move along in the background doing little things while he tried to make arrangements to get his truck fixed and get back and forth to work.

Is this how we are now? Or is this just a fluke? Are we really that calm inside? I am pleased yet bewildered.

I am reminded of something I "heard" or perceived a couple of days ago. I was meditating and I kind of slipped into a dream (I may have dozed off to be quite frank "sigh") I was standing next to this woman and she was showing me these large paper dolls. And she looked over to me and said, "When you love yourself, you instinctively make better choices in your life. This creates a better reality for you."
I came out of this dream or whatever it was remembering her words verbatim. I am wondering if this has something to do with the way I feel inside now.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

If I had to name my mood right now it would be amazement!

I am just awestruck by the way things have turned out. I pinch myself sometimes to see if I am really awake. How well I know that life has it's peaks and valleys..road blocks, catastrophes and just plain hard times. But for this moment I am in a place that existed only in my dreams.

I started my new job this week and I am extremely pleased. It is a totally different type of nursing than I have previously experienced. It is simple yet satisfying to my spirit and my financial needs. The work itself is mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. And challenging is the key word.

It is not hopelessly overwhelming with grueling hours spent trying to give good care to so many at a time. I don't leave my job with that horrid feeling that I was not able to take care of every one of my patients in the way they deserved.

My hours are from 9am to 2pm three days a week for now. But I will be working more hours starting this next week. No weekends, holidays or days when the snow is a foot deep. Unless there is an emergency necessity for it. And for my patient I would gladly do whatever needs to be done.

My patient is a woman just a few years older than me. She has a chronic debilitating disease process going on that has left her unable to walk. Her husband is her primary caregiver and how they found me is another story in of itself. Suffice to say they prayed for someone to help them so she could remain at home with her husband and I prayed for just the right nursing job for me.

I have no idea how long this will last but while there I will be able to utilize my knowledge, compassion and empathy for this particular situation. Caregiver's support is a big issue in my heart. I believe it will allow me to approach this job with great sensitivity. This is my niche.

I was off today and my daughter and I went into town to run errands. For some reason I am very tired today. Physically drained. I am just taking it easy this evening. I am going to listen in on a webcast on healing from Divine Mother online.

I have a lot more to say but just don't know how to put it into words. If I had to choose one word it would be Gratitude!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Poke Plant

I found out what this plant is. From a friend and on Healing Wise Forum. It is a Poke plant. And supposed to be poisonous. How ironic is that? The plant I am drawn most to besides mullein is poisonous. But some opinions differ, some experts say it is good for arthritis and the immune system.

I am an amateur so I will be communing with Poke on a spiritual level. Until I know more about it and more confident in utilizing it for tea or medicine. It definitely resonates with me on some level. I am not sure how or why.

Today my daughter and I went to New River Gorge Bridge and Fayetteville. I went to this great store that other people have told me about. The Stone Goddess is a very nice store. And while I was there I found out about a Reiki Share held in the area twice a month. Wow..I am so excited about that. I can't wait.

Meanwhile, I start my new job tomorrow. I am a little nervous and excited at the same time.

Part of me feels like I have kind of let things go and the deeper part of me feels like I have done exactly what I am meant to do. What wolf will I feed this time...I will feel the deeper sense of accomplishment and the anxiety can go hungry.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Strange Dreams and Stranger Ideas

I woke up this morning carrying the residual sensation of strange dreams my conscious mind cannot recall. I felt a sense of excitement for something I cannot name. I am moving a bit slow today and observing the things that are going through my mind.

I feel my "Guides" very close today. I decided to surrender to this feeling. I don't understand what is happening but I "know" I need to be still and lean into it.

I woke up this morning hearing this song in my head. I've listened to it so many times I should not be surprised. But today it gives me a deep feeling of comfort. Something is going to happen today..I just don't know what.

Meanwhile the search for Mullein and Burdock continue. And I continue to search for the identity of this plant. There is so much in my mountain hollow and I think it is beautiful. I have looked and looked and cannot find what it is. Most people here just call it a weed. I have placed a picture of it on the Wise Woman's Forum. I hope someone can tell me what it is.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Returning from the Beach, New Job and Doing my Homework

This is a picture of some of the graves in the front yard on Saxis Island. There are some on e everyone's front yard. I loved it!
This picture was taken of the house we stayed in on Saxis Island by my daughter.

My daughter and I went to Saxis Island, Va..on the Eastern Shore for three days. We stayed with my other best friend (sister) in her 200 year old waterman's house. It is so atmospheric and just plain awesome. Besides the house and it's unique personality...there are small cemeteries everywhere. There are graves in everyone's yard. Because we are at sea level, they are covered by a half cylinder shape of old concrete.

A huge marsh is in back of the house and the Chesapeake Bay lies in front. The ocean is 11 miles away. Saxis Island was settled in the 1600's and has a population of about 200 people. Mostly watermen. A very time honored tradition. This place is fascinating to me.

A few miles down the road is Chincoteague Island. It is a kind of rustic, retro, beautiful beach town. If you ever go there be sure and visit Egret Moon. This is a tiny little occult/art type shop that has great vibes. So does the owner, Megan McCook. She hosts a drumming circle every Saturday night. I wanted to go but I was too enthralled with the ocean and didn't make it back in time.

After going Egret Moon and having a late lunch, early dinner at the Chincoteaque Inn, we went to Assateague Island to the beach. And there, for the first time in all my life, I got fully into the ocean and swam. I have never been past my knees in the ocean before...but this time..I went all out and loved it! I was in the water for almost 2 hours.

My daughter and I returned to West Virginia on Sunday night. I have been working on the yard and working on my Healers Apprenticeship homework. I spent all day doing conscious projections, spinal cleansings, cord replacement and healing. I have to transcribe all of my notes at some point.

It was raining yesterday so it just seemed a good idea. I tried out my new massage table. I practiced on my daughter and my partner.

I start a new job on Monday. I will be doing private duty for a woman with MS. She lives at home with her husband. He is a pastor and I will be taking care of her while he tends to his church. It is not too far from me..and I am kind of looking forward to it. I will be working approximately 15 to 20 hours a week. And the hourly rate is not bad for the scope of my responsibility, skill level that will be utilized and the usual rate for a nurse in West Virginia.

That's my news.

The job will be kind of perfect for me. I am praying it works out. But I honestly think it will because it came out of nowhere and was pretty much what I was looking for. Synchronicity.

I am still kind of unsettled..unsure etc...I think it is from being in a different kind of place in a different kind of life. I think the end of my speculation has come and I am now winging it. I am well out of my comfort zone and haven't given myself a chance to make another. I don't intend to..

I am kind of worried about my daughter. I find myself wanting to nag her to get busy with her visa so she can join her husband. She talks about missing him so badly but it makes me crazy that she seems to be dragging her feet and is so distracted. Also she keeps saying she wants a job but hasn't got one yet.

Basically this is none of my business and the fact that I am worried about it tells me that something about this has triggered my own insecurities to make me worry. It is not my job to worry about this and certainly not to give her my opinion on it..unless she asks.

This is for her to work out with her husband. I have agreed with myself that I will focus on what about this triggers anxiety in me and not butt into her personal business.

I am kind of unsure what will happen next but I am excited about life in a strange way. It's a feeling that doesn't overcome everything..just a steady rhythmic sensation in the background.

I still continue my obsession with plants. I am on the lookout for some Mullein to transplant into my yard. Who is going to accuse me of stealing weeds??

This I Know

Stumbling through life has it's merits.  I can see this now.  It's messy, uncomfortable at times, enlightening, joyous, heartbr...