Threads on a Carpet

It's been a busy summer for me here in the Hollow.  Lots of outside work to do along with my planting and gathering of weeds and plants.

The sun is hot and the air is humid.  I can smell the dirt I am working in.  My little Hollow is alive with activity and color.    It holds my attention thoroughly.  As I work on my chores I ponder so many things.

All week I notice my mind travels to how much I have changed in the way I think.  My thoughts are no longer loaded with feelings of inadequacy.  I no longer go over situations,  events and  people who have  hurt me.  I no longer mull over my resentments, failures and  hurt.   I no longer blame anyone for what happened to me, my first husband and my children.

I do experience some and anxiety and fear but I truly believe that is part of the human condition that will never let me go completely.  Still, it does not have a hold on my life, thoughts, ego and emotions as it once did.

I am not exactly sure when my insides took a turn on how I perceive and interpret stimuli.  It was gradual, so gradual I truly didn't notice how much I had changed.  Until...I was on my hands and knees picking cleaver and red clovers and digging up dandelion root.   I was thinking about some issues that in the past I would have been resentful and hurt over.  But I wasn't.  I sat down and looked around, wiping the sweat pouring down my face with my dirty hands.  I watched a Daddy Long Legs stroll over my dusty legs.

For once I could clearly see past my own personality/ego issues enough to finally get it.   Something I knew intellectually but now I experienced it viscerally.  With my whole self.

We are all threads on a large carpet.  The weaving is continuous.  Every thread is related.   Every thread ,no matter what part of the carpet,  is related to all of it's parts.  We are all subject to the challenges of the human condition.   Our perception and interpretation of stimuli may be diverse and thus our response and reactions.  But we are still..all threads on the same carpet.

The gradual changes in me brought me to this flash of knowing.  It pushed me through yet another doorway.  I cannot go back once I stepped over the threshold.  Nor do I want to.  I want to know more about this.  I want to truly see.

Confession

Today I was engaged in a very dogged battle with a large nest of wasps and yellow jackets.  It sounds ridiculous but it's not to me.  I like bees, ants, spiders etc.  And I have had a pretty consistent understanding with them.  They are welcome to make nests anywhere that is away from my house and garage.  I have a fair amount of land and all are welcome.  Snakes, coyotes, racoons, and yes, even bigfoot.  But not in my house or near it.

When I am working in my hollow I take great pains to respect all the bees, wasps, snakes, salamanders etc. I painstakingly stay away from their homes and they have stayed away from mine.  Until today.  Day before yesterday I sat on my front porch and there were no bees or wasps hanging about.  A random bee would fly by but today I go out on my front porch and I am swarmed by yellow jackets.  They are coming from the cushion of my wooden love seat.  I take a broom handle, slowly and very carefully I remove the cushions and under them is a wasp/yellow jacket city.   The porch is full and they are dive bombing ferociously.  I got my dog and two cats inside quickly.

I began to give them Reiki..to help calm them down.  This usually works but it had no effect.  I threw the cushions off the porch into the yard, thinking they would follow.  I asked my Guidance to forgive my disruption of their nests and please help me communicate to them that they cannot make nests in this area.  

I meditated for a long time and continued to send them all Reiki.  The majority of them left but there were about thirty that would come in a swarm whenever I went out the front door. 

My cats escaped out of the  front door and immediately were swarmed.  I took a broom and waved it around in an attempt to break up the swarm surrounding them.  I gave the wasps and yellow jackets one more chance but they continued to remain on the porch.  I checked all over for more nests while attempting not to get stung.  

 A few more left.  Approximately 10 remained and were buzzing and dive bombing like crazy.

My dog had to go potty desperately.  The mad gang of wasps and yellow jackets had seemingly disappeared.  I led her out the door and down the steps quickly.  The few that were left began to dive bomb and swarm.  My poor dog got stung twice.

That was it!

I committed the atrocity that I constantly beg my husband to refrain from doing whenever he sees a bug on the porch.  I resorted to chemical warfare.  It made me feel sick.  But one of my cats and my dog were stung.  I have neighbors that come and go.   My husband and I need to be able to go in and out of that door.

I found where my husband hid the spray.  And after one last warning...I used it.  It broke my heart but I did it anyway.   And now there are no wasps or yellow jackets swarming.  There were a few stray bumble bees who flew by out of curiosity maybe.  I shooed them away because of the fumes.

I just got done washing down my porch.  Thank goodness the majority of the wasps and the yellow jackets left before I resorted to chemical warfare.  *sigh*

Why am I putting this on my blog?  Because I am upset for the loss of those wasps and yellow jackets.  I am upset that I felt so out of options that I gave in and used the bug spray.  If I share this with people around me they will not understand.  Most think the only good bug/bee is a dead one.

But I treasure them all.   I am sorry that my pets were injured by them.  I am sorry that the wasps and yellow jackets died.  Silly or not...crazy or not..this is how I feel.