Friday, July 19, 2013

Threads on a Carpet

It's been a busy summer for me here in the Hollow.  Lots of outside work to do along with my planting and gathering of weeds and plants.

The sun is hot and the air is humid.  I can smell the dirt I am working in.  My little Hollow is alive with activity and color.    It holds my attention thoroughly.  As I work on my chores I ponder so many things.

All week I notice my mind travels to how much I have changed in the way I think.  My thoughts are no longer loaded with feelings of inadequacy.  I no longer go over situations,  events and  people who have  hurt me.  I no longer mull over my resentments, failures and  hurt.   I no longer blame anyone for what happened to me, my first husband and my children.

I do experience some and anxiety and fear but I truly believe that is part of the human condition that will never let me go completely.  Still, it does not have a hold on my life, thoughts, ego and emotions as it once did.

I am not exactly sure when my insides took a turn on how I perceive and interpret stimuli.  It was gradual, so gradual I truly didn't notice how much I had changed.  Until...I was on my hands and knees picking cleaver and red clovers and digging up dandelion root.   I was thinking about some issues that in the past I would have been resentful and hurt over.  But I wasn't.  I sat down and looked around, wiping the sweat pouring down my face with my dirty hands.  I watched a Daddy Long Legs stroll over my dusty legs.

For once I could clearly see past my own personality/ego issues enough to finally get it.   Something I knew intellectually but now I experienced it viscerally.  With my whole self.

We are all threads on a large carpet.  The weaving is continuous.  Every thread is related.   Every thread ,no matter what part of the carpet,  is related to all of it's parts.  We are all subject to the challenges of the human condition.   Our perception and interpretation of stimuli may be diverse and thus our response and reactions.  But we are still..all threads on the same carpet.

The gradual changes in me brought me to this flash of knowing.  It pushed me through yet another doorway.  I cannot go back once I stepped over the threshold.  Nor do I want to.  I want to know more about this.  I want to truly see.

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