Sunday, May 13, 2012

I know I have been here before but it feels like new territory.

I am in the midst of, yet another, strange phase. I don't know what precipitated this, where it came from or why it is. It actually started around the time of the last full moon. I don't know that the "Super Moon" had anything to do with this. It is the time this new cycle kind of crept up on me.

The date is clear to me because there was so much publicity about the "super moon".

At first I , of course, caught myself resisting. It felt uncomfortable and a lot of things were happening in the physical life surrounding me as well as my "inner" life. Once I became aware of my resistance I began to "conduct" instead. And by that I mean I just allowed the discomfort to rise up in me and move through me as I observed it.

I found out some interesting things about myself.

I am not as adaptable as I thought I was. My daily "schedule" was changed because of things happening. I realized that even now I subconsciously attempt to construct patterns to live by for a false sense of security. Eye opener! I and the insolence of my ego thought I was way beyond that. Ha! No..evidently not.

The second thing I learned is that I am more knowledgeable about certain things in the physical plane than I thought. In fact, I am knowledgeable enough to actually help other people. How in the heck did my big fat ego miss that??

I don't believe in coincidence..I do however, believe in synchronicity. All I know is from the last full moon until now...there have been multiple episodes of people looking to me for advice about navigating the health care system along with other health related issues. Hmmmm..I thought I put that all behind me but nope.

At first I was reluctant and tried to just be a good listener. But after the third person contacted me asking me for advice..I knew my Guidance was behind this and I quit sitting on the fence and got busy.

And it appears that the things I know (from my experience as a nurse) mixed with the wisdom my Guidance gave me ..assists me to give good solid objective guidance. In every instance the outcome was improved because of my guidance and advice. That is really hard for me to put here. Because of all the concentrated effort I have made to work with my ego. This smacks of gross egotism yet..it isn't..It is an acknowledgement from my total being.

My ego was actually in the background whispering,"don't get involved with this..you could be wrong". (as if that was a fate worse than death

This plus a big change in my routine..kind of shook me out of the pattern I was obviously trying to erect. And as I said before I realize now that even subconsciously I am attempting to construct patterns and ruts to feel secure. Like ground under my feet. Well, I "know" in the deepest place of my knowing that the kind of security I am talking about and striving for does not exist in this physical world. It exists within me. So this was a good reminder..uncomfortable yes...but good.

I need to be reminded of things sometimes. Taken back to places I have been for a review and a reminder of sorts.

I am not exactly sure how to put everything I learned into words..but when I do..I will definitely write it.

For now I am working on breaking up any more "thought and energy" structures I have attempted to construct in my life to make me feel more secure. Those don't really work and they end up being a self imposed prison. I truly want to feel enough trust in my "Self" and my Guidance not to need to rely on a false sense of security.

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