UGH

11:am

Things are still a bit difficult at this moment. Hmmmmm...it appears to be piling up a bit. Nothing truly devastating or catastrophic has occurred. However, it is adding up to be a bit of a dilemma. At least in this physical world. This, of course, effects the emotional world. And in that sense, it feels like a crushing weight.

Right now I am sitting here trying to think past my usual box, past my frustration and anxiety about the best course to take to fix something that has broken down. Something that my partner and I depend on everyday. Something that seems to break down a lot and that I am getting fed up with. But we need this object at this time.

My ego is chiming in nonstop. Self satisfied and sarcastic..reminding me that no matter how spiritually I am focused, I can not fix this dilemma with a blink and a wrinkle of my nose like Samantha..(from Bewitched fyi). I wish. But I will not be bullied by an overbearing ego. I will get that under control once I wrestle with my emotions which are trying to convince me to throw my hands up to the air and wallow in the floor crying and whining. Actually shrieking is what my emotions want to do. *sigh*

If I sound upset and discouraged, you ought to see my partner. He looks stunned, bewildered, totally overwhelmed and frustrated. And that is an understatement.

Ok..well..I do know this...emotions and ego tend to exaggerate everything that happens that is uncomfortable. So I know once I process through the haze of frustration stirred up by my ego and emotions..I will be able to discern this issue more clearly.



1:30
I am calmer now. I ran some errands and pulled my act together. I still don't know exactly what to do. However, I am more open to available options. In fact, I am open to the options that are for the greatest good. Underneath this swarm of anxiety and fearful wasp like buzzing inside me, I have deep faith that our actions will lead to the most favorable outcome.

Right now I am taking care of a couple of other dilemmas that have popped up at the same time.

I have given myself Reiki, circulated my aura, went through the steps of Acceptance, processed my emotions, did some exercises, ran some errands and now at least I feel I can breath and move forward. The next step was a prayer of gratitude for all the blessings we do have and a request for help in these difficult situations we face.

We will get through this. Like my best friend's husband always says, "It's like a bad cold. It is miserable, you can't escape it but it will run it's course."