Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ramblings, Streams of Consciousness and Heading Down the Rabbit Hole

I don't know what I am doing right now. Everything feels different, strange and even alien to me. My environment is the same as it has been since I moved here. My body isn't working the way I would like and I don't feel so good, physically or emotionally.

It's like getting up one morning and looking over the landscape..it appears the same but feels strange. Like something has been moved or added without my noticing. My patterns are disorientated. The harder I try and continue with my usual routine the more it falls apart.

As much as I expound on living in the Now..and avoiding emotionally based ruts and structures..erm...well..it appears that I have did the very thing I always write about not doing. Hanging on to things as they pass out of my life...or..I am hanging on as I am separated from my physical life, concerns and structures and I go down into the rabbit hole that is the world inside me.

My body is in pain and the more I try to "fix" it..more things pop up..until I notice I am being given not so subtle nudges inward. I surrender to it. I am not giving up...giving in...I am surrendering to the call that I can't ignore. I have no idea where it is taking me..but I am going.

I feel such a strong trust in the calling that even if it was calling me out of this world..and my physical body permanently, I would go...without hesitation.

These are strange times for me. I don't know what else to say.

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