Forebearance

I haven't written on my blog for a few days. I have been contemplating what I found out about myself. The self of so many years ago.

I used the time to take care of some outside chores while the sun was still shining the last few days. It felt good to work hard outdoors and accomplish the things that were important to me outside of my house. And it gave me a lot of time to process what happened the other day. (See my previous Blog, "I know you are in there somewhere")

I meditated this evening after helping my mate get off to work. The vibrations of the energy surrounding me during this were powerful, yet comforting. I circulated my aura inside and out and it felt pretty good. No matter what is happening to me, circulating my aura always makes me feel better, lighter and more connected with life..on many levels.

When I finished I found a word that kept running through my mind over and over. It would not go away until I pronounced it. Forbearance was the word and I knew when I said it aloud it was meant to remind me to continue to be kind, compassionate and thoughtful of myself.

At times I still become impatient with myself, intolerant and start to slip into self denigrating thoughts. Especially when I feel there is something I am not able to do or able to understand.

The old ego steps up to remind me how inadequate I am and how much better things would be for me if I was smarter. The good news is I am able to observe myself doing this immediately now and interrupt the unkind messages I send myself. Self denigration is so easy to slip into.

It is so human to compare myself to others and judge myself as lacking. But I know it accomplishes nothing but giving my mind unkind opinions of myself that I do not want to live up to. I truly want to love, respect myself and be my own best friend.

My healing is done on the subtle energy level, by raising the vibration level of the auric energy that surrounds my body and circulating this energy through my body and aura. This comes from a point of love. A point of love that I give to myself that reaches past the boundaries of this world. Through this I am able to love and send healing vibrations to others.

Being forebearant with myself helps me towards a clearer path to self love and that leads me to deeper self healing.