Sunday, June 10, 2012

My Personal Case Study on Working The Formula for Emotional Control

Since we moved to West Virginia, my "husband to be", life partner (I am just too damned old to have a has been the main provider of our income. He took a job that involves a lot more hours, working at night and makes less than a third of what he made in Virginia.

The only time he complains is when they mess with his schedule or he has to drive on roads that are nearly impassable. There are times when he will work 10-14 (12-14 hour) shifts in a row. He does it. But they messed up again. This time they did NOT even put him on the schedule for this week until Sunday.

When something like this happens, first and foremost, he cannot sleep when he gets home. He is very stressed because of the lack of hours. He looks troubled and is listless while he tries to figure out what to do about the problem.

When I was younger I would have stepped in and started throwing around all kinds of directives and advice. I don't do that anymore. I just try to ride the thin line of being supportive while he figures things out, give my opinion if he asks for it..and try to curb my own anxiety. Cause it affects me, too.

My mind s running with unkind thoughts of the managers scheduling like this. It is ludicrous. But I hold my tongue and process my anxiety and frustration..and I do not add to the anxiety pool building fast around my guy.

I am sending Reiki to the situation with the intent of having a solution found for the greatest good for all concerned. I am giving him Reiki to help him stay calmer while he thinks about how to approach this newest problem.

I am all the while observing this situation. And what happens to people when a stressor that could effect the rhythm of life in the physical appears.

Is this really important and detrimental enough to cause such a strong reaction and response? Part of me thinks not. The deep, detached and otherworldly part of me.

The part of me that is connected to the physical world...speaks for itself and it reacts. I think the reactions are as a result of seeing the stressor as a threat. ???

I will use the formula for emotional control to test it.:

The stimulus is my partner's schedule indicates he is not working all of next week except for Sunday.

Perception: this is perceived as a potentially problematic situation

Interpretation: this is interpreted as a threat to our finances (which are whittled down and wobbly at best) and the double issue is it appears to affect my partner's self esteem? or maybe his ego? I am not sure..he takes this personally, regardless which one it affects.

Reaction: This is the point the feelings engage. My partner feels upset and unable to sleep. He is quiet and when he does talk he verbalizes how there are no other jobs around here and we are going down the tubes.

Response: His face becomes grimmer and grimmer. Lack of sleep is starting to show. He has escalated from a little worried over a possibly minor issue and it is now a major life threatening issue in his mind.

Action: He begins frantically looking in the paper and online for other jobs and going through his vast hockey card collection to start selling on ebay.

At some point, I believe after working through this process repeatedly, he will just call his supervisor and discuss the matter. That's what he always does..and it works until the next time.

As for stimulus is his reaction to his stimulus.

My perception is two fold...this could be a financial problem and he is very upset.
(It is at this point I believe "Emotional Contagion" really takes hold.)

My interpretation is ..geez I am going to have to go back to working as a nurse in a facility full time again. What are we going to do?

At the response part...I begin to get a hold of myself and start to Reiki the situation. And ask my Guidance to help me process any of my emotional discomfort about this. If I have plans for the day usually gets condensed. It seems that times like these kind of steal my motivation.

My reaction is to remain calm and go about the necessities of life.

My action is to continue processing the discomfort this type of thing brings..and observe it..utilizing the State of Acceptance. Go within, strengthen my auric field and circulate my energy.

That's my plan for this troubled day...

I can see it is a big deal to my partner..and it has an effect on me because I don't like to see him upset.

This is so interesting to me. I am going to watch these times a bit closer.

Wow, while I was writing this, my partner finally got on the phone, called his work and asked what the problem was. It was a mistake. An oversight.

Look how this changed the course of our day and it was a mistake. How many times as humans do we become so distraught over things like this only to find out it is not a big deal.
Most of our reaction has to be how we perceive an event, action, situation or words.

I am amazed at the nature of humans. We are so intricately wired and yet so resilient. But it makes me wonder how many times do we actually cause ourselves to suffer needlessly? hmmmmm..

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