Monday, July 25, 2011

Anger? Sadness?? What is this and where did it come from

I am already unsettled by the stuck place I spoke of earlier. Then while I am getting closer to it and observing it; anger and sadness roll through this cloud of confusion like thunder. There it is..where in the world did that come from?

I have no idea what I am angered or saddened about. So it must be some deeply buried things that have risen up from my inner storage rooms. The place I bury things I don't want to deal with. I thought I cleared most of that out..but here comes more. Dang.

I guess it is time to face the fact that even though my life is so much improved; I still have a lot of things to deal with. It's time to acknowledge that I lived in extreme stress, pain, sorrow and anxiety for too many years for the ravages of it to disappear and heal in a few months. I have healed a lot of my inner wounds..and it continues. However, I am so into the way my life is right now..that I want to just shove the rest aside and get on with it. But I can't. It may be why I am stuck. I need to take the time and process this thoroughly as it comes.

I know what to do and that in itself is strengthening and heartening. I just didn't think it would take all this time. *sigh* It is what it is.

I will stay with this, process these emotions. I will think with gratitude for the many blessings of my life. I will settle in my heart with the thought of how it will feel when I finally get settled into whatever form of employment I will be led to do. With passion, creativity and renewed spirit.

So Mote it Be!

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