Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Red Shoes and other stuff

I had a really nice day. I am tired now but it's late..it's about midnight. But I felt compelled to write a little bit before I snuggle up in bed with my book and my love.

First of all I started the Water Aerobics today. OMG...I loved it! An hour of exercise in the pool at the local Y. I actually sweated while doing it. I felt wonderful. It inspired me to take the three flights of steps back up to the main desk afterward. My knees felt better!

I came home and my partner and I went out and did some yard work. He did the weed eating. I mowed some. I worked until the bright sunshine and balmy air turned dark and cold. He worked until the downpour came. I made orange chicken tonight..(with a little shortcut help) for dinner with rice and steamed broccoli. YUM.

Then we settled in for the night. It is still rainy and cold outside.

Now this sounds like a mediocre day to most. I am sure. But to me it was like standing back and watching a movie of a happy and satisfying day. Whatever the future will bring..I will always think of these last months. Wow..to say I am grateful is a gross understatement. I am wildly grateful with all of my cells.

And now for the red shoes part. I had a dream last night. It was very vivid and in color. I remember parts of it like it just happened. I was standing in a house with my partner..(yeah, he was in my dream) It wasn't really a house..it was a really old mobile home from back in the day. It was saggy..the windows weren't set right ..the roof was leaking..it was a mess..and connected to this someone had built an add on of sorts...of two or three other rooms. This part was in equally bad shape.

For some reason I was trying to find a way to restore it. My partner was trying to explain to me in a really patient way why it would be futile. He was trying to sound as reasonable as possible because I was determined. I looked down to think of better reasons to fix it up than he had of tearing it down and removing it from the property. As I looked down I admired my new red shoes. They were red/brown...the color of blood..Now I know that may sound nasty but the color was beautiful. They were soft leather ..almost like suede. They had rounded toes like in the 40's and a design etched in the leather across the toe area. They were high heeled..with a strap. Which is strange cause I haven't worn high heels since I was in my late 20's. They fit and felt perfect. They were beautiful in an understated way. I had a rust colored and black dress on too. But my big focus was the red shoes.

My partner continued with his reasoning about tearing the house down His last statement was the one that hit the nail and I knew in my heart he was correct. He said, " Some things are just not salvageable. Some things aren't worth fixing. They need to be torn down, thrown away and be freed from a place and time they no longer are needed or appropriate, you need to let it go and walk away and you make room for other things that you need and are appropriate. Like your red shoes."

I knew he was correct..absolutely. I was so angry I couldn't breath and then I felt this big wave of relief when I finally admitted that I needed to let it go. I sensed my Guides close by and I knew I had made a really important decision. And it was the best one for me.

This dream still makes me feel funny. What am I trying to hang on to. hmmmm...I just know I loved those red high heeled shoes.


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