Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Even "Blah" Days Have a Purpose

For the last two days..I have felt "blah".  It is the best way to express it.  I have no reason, in fact, I have so much  to be thankful for.  I do not feel ill.  I just feel somewhere between a kind of anxious emotional discomfort. I  have lost my footing, my plot, my motivation.   Well..I want to live groundlessly and without a plot..I want the truth.

Motivation I like..but I know it's not really lost ..just misplaced for now.  But wait!  Maybe to just be is enough motivating force on it's own?  hmmmm..

It makes me feel kind of hollow or listless inside.  I have the time and space I dreamed of..to create, write, or anything I feel like doing that I never had the chance.

The most creative thing I did today was to finish putting in my tomato plants and finished cutting my huge yard.  And I spent time with my partner today, helped him get ready for work this evening.  Today was not a bust by any means..just something was missing.  The magickal quality of possibilities and a sense of purpose.

My first impulse was to drive myself to do some big household project..but I didn't do that.  I allowed myself to acknowledge what I felt.  I didn't try to run away.  On days like today..any little thing that needs to be done just feels like a annoying burden.  I allowed me  to feel that way and I mindfully did not try and move away from it.  I stayed with the feeling cause I have learned from other experiences like this with uncomfortable feelings..there is something there.. I guess I try and treat the potential weakness..(the kind of feelings that make me want to zone out, override it, run away etc..you get the picture) as having an equal potential for covering up a hidden strength.

I have no answers but my day moved on.  I remembered to cut in on the "inner whining", gently like a good best friend and remind myself to spend equal time being grateful for my blessings.  I just kept moving and taking deep breaths, putting myself in the Now, admiring the view.

I still have a vague discomfort in me but it is not as strong.  I am not trying to fix it..just stay with it as it works itself out.

Sometimes I wonder if this is not caused by different "energy tides" that move through our atmosphere..and perhaps some people are very sensitive to these.  Maybe these days are my response to certain Tattvic Tides?

The good things about this day is it made me more introspective and contemplative.  Instead of reacting to it..I responded with recognition and acceptance while observing the whole process.

Well, you know it can't be all goodness and light everyday.  There has to be a balance.

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