Friday, May 20, 2011

Legitimizing emotions (being my own best friend)

It is fairly easy for me to write on this blog when I feel a clearness and balance in me. But no matter what I do or how many obstacles I get through....I always come to a place that is unbalanced with obstacles. I am uncomfortable and a bit fearful of a lot of things right now. Why?

I suppose because I have managed to get through all the other obstacles and now here is another. Which proves once again to me; No matter what you accomplish, endure or overcome, there are always obstacles (challenges).

And what are my obstacles now. Well, my body is acting up. My knees have been bad for a long time..my back..etc..I suppose from years of being on my feet for hours..A lot of nurses have bad backs and knees.

Walking, stretching, belly dancing, yoga has always helped it stay manageable. But I let my guard down and they are screaming at me..like never ever before.

I am not sure what to do or if anything is meant to be done. I am just stuck right now..and it is more than my knees and my legs..and other things. There is more weighing in the balance of this crossroads of what to do for employment right now. It is scary but kind of exciting..like I am on the verge of discovering something beneath the scary stuff.

Make no mistake about this..this is scary to me. I cry and become anxious but then something else kicks in..and I am calmer.

There is no solution right now..no way to get the ground under my feet. All I can do is be there for me as I feel this. Face it down and be my own best friend. As my own best friend I can calmly request with assertiveness that the insulting mind chatter quiet down..to redirect the denigrative remarks that I know are a product of fear and wanting a quick fix for even a false sense of balance. I now remind myself that the mind chatter is trying to help..in the only way it knows..insulting and haranguing..that is what my ego and emotions have mistaken for motivation. Knowing this really helps to quiet this madness inside my head down. That's a blessing.

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