Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Another Assignment

Since I have become more aware and more observant of my own emotional patterns; I have noticed that there is almost a perceptible cycle. I will try and explain it in the simplest of ways..cause that's how I break it down.

It begins with a load of anxiety, worry and apprehension. My previous response would be to try and figure it out by connecting the feeling with whatever was happening in my life at the time..or shove it away.
Either way, it causes an escalation of the process. Anything we resist pushes harder.

Now I know this could be something long buried and unprocessed inside me..triggered by a word, thought or any number of tiny stimuli.

Next step is to move closer to the feeling..not trying to connect it to anything else just feel the anxiety, apprehension and discomfort the way it is. Observe it..feel what part of my body the uncomfortable feelings affect. I then begin Reiki to that area.

I observe this process to see what message there is in this discomfort. I try to cooperate with the anxiety..to see what it is under it. Sometimes I can "see" it..sometimes I can't. But even if I can't "see" what is under the anxiety I still come from this experience knowing myself better with a stronger sense of working through it instead of fighting myself inside. Resolution of uncomfortable issues is not my goal. Self Awareness, Acknowledgement and Acceptance is my goal.

I am beginning to see these uncomfortable times as assignments. I will work through some discomfort, contemplate what I learned about myself. My energy grows stronger, my gratitude and faith follows suit...I begin to process and notice more about life as the cycle moves along. And then one morning I wake up with apprehension again. The assignment begins all over.

Today is one of those days. I woke up with a feeling of anxiety and a strong sensation that feels a lot like anger. I am sitting with them like a hen on an egg. The feeling is strongest in my solar plexus and my second chakra. I am sending Reiki while I observe and acknowledge my discomfort. It isn't pleasant but I know I am learning something important about myself, my attitudes, my human self.

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