Saturday, August 13, 2011

Loving myself = healthier choices =creating a better reality?

After all these years I finally know what "peace within" feels like. I just realized this. Today was kind of unsettled and chaotic. My partner and I had some technical difficulties to deal with. Namely the busted radiator of his truck that left him stranded at work after a long 14 hour shift.

The day was weighted with uncertainties and arrangements to make to fix the problem with his truck and get him back and forth to work. On top of this he was only able to get about 4 hours of sleep before he had to get up and go back to work. But for some reason we handled it well.

When he finally was able to rest..I made him a nice dinner and got some things together that he would need. We had dinner together and I drove him to work. It was quite pleasant given the circumstances.

I think this whole thing is remarkable to me because in the past this would have been a very anxious and stressful day for me. When anything went wrong I became immediately edgy, controlling and irritable.

After dropping him off at his work..I enjoyed the scenery of the long ride home on the windy road by Coal River. I realized I felt peaceful and had been all day. Concerned, yes..but the usual anxious reactions did not kick in.

When he was getting ready to get out of the car at his work, we kissed goodbye and he thanked me for helping him today. I was surprised by this. I didn't do anything but move along in the background doing little things while he tried to make arrangements to get his truck fixed and get back and forth to work.

Is this how we are now? Or is this just a fluke? Are we really that calm inside? I am pleased yet bewildered.

I am reminded of something I "heard" or perceived a couple of days ago. I was meditating and I kind of slipped into a dream (I may have dozed off to be quite frank "sigh") I was standing next to this woman and she was showing me these large paper dolls. And she looked over to me and said, "When you love yourself, you instinctively make better choices in your life. This creates a better reality for you."
I came out of this dream or whatever it was remembering her words verbatim. I am wondering if this has something to do with the way I feel inside now.

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